A man runs over his neighbor with his electric car
When the police took them both down to the station, they charged the man with assault and his car with a battery.
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︎ Oct 28 2021
What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street?
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︎ Oct 21 2021
What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller?
โCurses! Foil again!โ
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︎ Oct 13 2021
What do you call a mad man who likes to be run over by bicycles?
A cycle path.
Don't kill me.
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︎ Jul 03 2021
During testing of a new version of Mars rover, a cat entered the test track and was run over. However, the cat was resuscitated when one staffer played a Benny Benassi hit track. A NASA representative has stated...
...that it was a pity that Curiosity killed the cat, but Satisfaction brought it back.
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︎ Jul 10 2021
What is it called when a thief steals a purse, runs into the street, then gets run over?
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︎ Jul 12 2021
what do you call a hoe thatโs been run over?
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︎ May 21 2021
Did you hear about that guy who got run over by a steam train?
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︎ May 16 2021
25 emails between me (film producer) and Jason (my props master) over the course of making my film RUN (on Hulu now!)
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︎ Dec 09 2020
Every morning after I get out of the house, a bike comes out of nowhere and runs me over.
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︎ Apr 30 2020
What do you call Batman and Robin after getting run over by a car?
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︎ Nov 10 2020
So I was driving when I see a woman run over a poor rabbit. I stopped immediately to render assistance.
I notice the woman is hysterical and the rabbit, well let's just say he's had better days.
I think to myself "Can I render first aid ? "
Then it hits me, I can fix this.
I go to the boot of my car and grab a can of spray. So I spray this onto the rabbit and sure as shit he jumps up and hops away.
As he is hopping away every ten steps he stops looks backs and waves at us !
He repeats this until he eventually was out of sight.
The women then asks me "what was that can of spray you used?"
I look and it is hair restorer with a permanent wave.
I wish to add no Rabbits were harmed in the telling of this story
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︎ Apr 11 2020
Whenever my sprinter friend runs a race, he leans over and pretends to vomit
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︎ Jul 18 2020
What did the dad say after getting run over by an 18 wheeler?
Iโve never been more tired in my life!
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︎ Aug 16 2020
Every morning on my way to work, the same bike comes and tries to run me over.
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︎ Jan 21 2020
My sexual partner got run over by a road roller
Now sheโs my flat-mate.
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︎ Apr 12 2020
What kind of truck runs over your feet?
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︎ Jan 08 2020
I was saddened to learn that my cousin was run over by a boat in Venice today.
I sent his family my Gondolences.
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︎ Apr 10 2018
Getting run over really takes the energy out of me.
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︎ Mar 07 2019
A train conductor runs over a person
He goes to court and is sentenced to death by the electric chair. Before going to the chair he asks for a banana, it is given to him and he sits down in the chair, the operator presses the button and... The chair does nothing, so he is let free. The next day he runs over two people, he once again is sentenced to death but this time he asks for two bananas. He is given them, when the operator presses the button, the chair does nothing, so he is set free once more. The next day he runs over three people, he is sentenced to death a third time but the operator says to him, no more bananas, this time you will die. So he sits down on the electric chair and the operator presses the button, but nothing happens, so for the final time, he is set free. Later he tells his friend,
"it wasn't about the bananas, I'm just a bad conductor"
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︎ Sep 06 2019
What's worse than seeing a spider run over your pillow?
Hearing it run over your pillow...
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︎ Dec 10 2019
Just got run over by a guy in a wheelchair
He must wheelie hate me (โ๏พใฎ๏พ)โ
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︎ Jun 22 2016
What did the Monkey say when his tail got run over by a train?
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︎ Jan 09 2020
What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus?
Ones a crustaecian and the other is a crushed Asian.
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︎ Jul 26 2018
My foot was run over by a rental car
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︎ Mar 10 2019
A dad gets run over by a truck
The dad lies there in his last moment. The only thing that is going through his head is a โGoodyearโ. He looks up at his wife who is holding his hand. In his dying breath, he says, Iโm โtired.โ
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︎ Jun 26 2019
My dad's amazing driving advice to my sister: "I can replace any mailbox you hit. If you collide with a cop car, I've got a good attorney. If you run over a nun, God will forgive you. But if you hit my truck, you better leave the f***ing country."
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︎ Mar 04 2018
My mom got run over by a milk truck.
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︎ Jul 13 2018
I called my dad to tell him that I'd run over a bird with my car.
"Wow," he said, "You must have been flying."
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︎ Jun 04 2015
I was almost run over by a train as I was walking to school today
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︎ Aug 29 2017
What did the man say after getting his foot run over by a truck full of shampoo products?
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︎ Oct 24 2018
A man runs somebody over while driving...
...and gets out of the car immediately to see if the pedestrian is alright.
Driver: "I'm so sorry! Are you okay?"
Pedestrian: "I'm fine, I just feel a little tired now"
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︎ Jun 09 2016
A man sees a celebrity he admires on the street and runs over to him...
A man sees a celebrity he admires on the street and runs over to him but doesnโt take the hint that the celebrity wants to be alone and is irritable. After about 10 minutes of following him and shouting at him the man yells, โI love this guy, heโs the shit!โ The celebrity finally has enough and punches the man in the face...
And thatโs when the shit hit the fan
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︎ Mar 28 2018
What does a duck say when it gets run over by an avocado truck?
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︎ Feb 17 2018
What does a lobster have in common with a Pakistani who has been run over by a truck?
They are both crustaceans.
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︎ Apr 08 2018
What do a crab, a lobster, and a Japanese guy run over in the middle of the road all have in common?
They're all Crushed-Asians!
(Crustaceans)
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︎ Jul 28 2013
if you get run over by a boat..
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︎ Sep 07 2016
What did the tin man say when he got run over by a steam roller?
โCurses, foil-ed again!โ
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︎ Aug 07 2021
What do you call Batman and Robin after theyโve been run over by a steamroller?
๐︎ 4
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︎ Oct 08 2019
What do you call Batman and Robin after they got run over by a steamroller?
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︎ Oct 18 2018
What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller?
โCurses! Foil again!โ
๐︎ 15
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︎ Oct 17 2017
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