A hamster
A mafiososo.
A mobster lobster!
Becouse its just-ice there
It usually resulted in a long sentence.
The Chicken Fettugenie!
Because they make romantics.
I’m in hot water with the Japanese mafia.
Liverpool
Your pupils
The Leaning Tower of PLEASE-ah!
(Courtesy of my 7-year old daughter just a few minutes ago.)
He would've called himself the Iron Roman.
and pointed and shouted "That's a hanging offense"
He took a leek
There's no dental records & all the DNA matches...
So I googled and told him exactly what I found.
Basically a skin for a friend.
Wrong on so many levels.
They'll never say a word
A flash mob
..Then you can witness The Fall of Rome.
I told him he was "sight-heeheeing"
Officer: “Yes, that’s assault!”
Man: “I know it’s a salt, but is it a crime?”
He invited Lois Lane to visit. Her plane was late, and she called the house to ask directions. He answered and told her:
"Take the last train to Clark's villa, and I'll meet you at the station."
I was involved in very organized crime
Judge - Yes, that's assault!
Lawyer - I know it's a salt but is it a crime?
They were denied axis.
The dot "."
It has ended more sentences than anything else.
I wound up using cellular.
I told him that's not funny but he said it was an inside joke.
It was an absolute unit.
One a rapist and one a conman. The mayor decides to have them punished for their crime in a way that reflects their crimes and also make some money for the city. He sets them in stocks and charges $2 to punch the conman in the face and $5 to kick the rapist in the balls. The line goes around the block all day.
By the end of the day the conman can barely be recognized. Someone pays $2 walks up and kicks him in the balls instead.
The mayor yells “Stop you can’t do that!” The guy asks “why not he’s still a criminal?”
The mayor says, “this is the punch line.”
A cowabungalow
I said, “it’s a bit muggy.”
If one steps on you your fucked.
discharge.
.. but stealing someone’s soap really takes the cake.
Because Italics aren't bold
To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.
She immediately raised it above her head and said, “This is a stick up!”
(Credit to my 2.5 year old- inspired by true events)
Does that make you an iWitness?
Judge: yes it’s assault
Me: I know it’s a salt but is it a crime though?
Originally posted by u/CurryMuncher13 on r/Jokes
A giant list of puns
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.
I used to be afraid of hu
... keep reading on reddit ➡A Liverpool
Person: Yes, that's assault.
Me: Yes I know it's a salt, but is it a crime?
To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.
