My girlfriend found one of my puns so funny that she flew into space and told it to an alien. Unfortunately, the alien didn't laugh.
Personally, I think she took the joke a bit too far.
Why were the 2 dimensional shapes stressed when they came across the corpse of a 1 dimensional being?
They had reached the deadline
Before I went to the Star Wars cosplay, I thought everyone was one-dimensional. Then I met a pair of gorgeous woman dressed as astromech droids.
Dropped my best ever dad joke & no one was around to hear it
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
Why can't you send a duck to space?
Because the bill would be astronomical.
Recently a wine aged in space was put up for sale
I wanted to buy it, but the price was astronomical.
What do you call the space where a hobbit lives?
What do you call the space between a super models boobs?
A little boy came running up to me and said, "Please help, my dad is in a fight!" I followed him and came across two men fighting, so I asked him, "Which one's your dad?!" He replied, "I don't know."
"That's what they're fighting about."
Bet you didn’t see that one coming
My granddaughter just hit me with this one: what is the biggest kind of ant ?
A gi-ant!
I am so proud right now!
My wife said if I bought her one more stupid gift, she would burn it.
So i bought her a candle.
Did you know space has three ears?
A left ear, a right ear and a final front ear.
Did you hear about the cows that were sent up to space?
The steaks have never been higher
How do you hold a party in space?
Einstein finally formulated a theory on space.
And it was about time too.
I’ve often heard that “icy” is one of the easiest words to spell.
Looking back at it now, I see why.
I'm thinking about making a trip to space
I'm just starting to planet
I just invented a new NFT network! I made it outer space themed, with stars and constellations.
I named it the Big Dipper.
I don't understand why nobody is buying it.
What's a horse's number one priority when voting?
In space you don't get hemorrhoids...
If I needed to climb something and I had to choose between a rope with knots in it or some parallel boards with spaced rungs...
What sound does a turkey make in space?
I just got back from space
It was an out of this world experience
One of the best gifts I got for Christmas this year is a whiteboard for my office.
Did you know that women have a higher chance of flying to space than men?
It's true. They have more astro-gens.
What starts with E, ends with E, but has only one letter in it?
I can sum up 2021 in one word
There's only one thing girls want. It starts with a P and ends in an S.
My 12 year old daughter hit me with this one last night.
Daughter: “Dad, do you know how non-binary people harm each other?”
Dad: Puzzled, confused look “Um, no…how?”
Daughter: “They / them”. (They slash them)
Dad: “I’m so proud”
Freudian Slip: When you say one thing, but mean a mother
Is "buttcheeks" one word?
Or should I spread them apart?
Which rock group has four men, one named George and another who was shot to death?
NASA Mission Control tells a man that there's been a terrible accident and that his wife has floated off into space
The bewildered man says, "So what's the big deal?!"
NASA Mission Control replies, "Sir, I don't think you understand the gravity of this situation."
What do you call santa if he was afraid of tight spaces?
Didn’t see that one coming
I met a magical Genie. He gave me one wish. I said, “I wish I could be you.”
The Genue saud, “Weurd wush but U wull grant ut.”
Here's one I learned
Did you hear about the frog that parked illegally?
Don't worry, it got toad.
While watching “Home Alone” we were at the tar-on-the-basement-steps scene, and my daughter asks “where would you even get tar?” And my wife said…
the Smithsonian did it wrong
Aussies have gotten really good at one thing in tennis
"You know Orion’s Belt? Big waist of space, huh?
Didn’t like that joke? That’s okay...it’s only got 3 stars."
How do you prepare for a space party?
What word starts with E and ends with E, but only has one letter in it?
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