True story: I was a kid, watching TV in our living room. My dad was outside using the grill. All of a sudden he bursts in the door hopping on one foot yelling โI stepped on a Bee!โ
I was so concerned I jumped up and ran over to him...
Earlier that day my friend and I who were really into mountain biking had been using really sticky letters to put our names on our bikes. We were working near the general area of the BBQ.
Apparently I had dropped one...
Stuck to the bottom of my dads foot was the letter B....
A legendary dad joke from a legendary dad.
๐︎ 11k
๐
︎ Mar 07 2021
True story: As kids, my sister and I were fighting over the TV remote and it got heated. The remote flew across the room and a couple AAA batteries fell out. My sister threw one at me, and I grabbed a nearby salt shaker and threw it at her.
My mother, who was watching this go down, just laughs and says, "Assault and battery!"
She then left the room, cackling.
๐︎ 27
๐
︎ Mar 07 2021
I decided to go on a vacation with my family. Almost all the hotel rooms were booked except one
It was our last resort...
๐︎ 10
๐
︎ Jan 08 2021
Everyone at my therapistโs office hates it when I stand on one corner of the room and blow air at people.
๐︎ 289
๐
︎ Aug 06 2020
My roomate and i did this game where we cleaned up another ones room everyday.
We were maid for each other.
๐︎ 125
๐
︎ Apr 18 2020
Sitting in the ER with my son last night, he got me with this one. I was trying to lift his spirits and was pointing out all the crazy equipment they have in the room. I said "Oh look. They have tongue depressers." He says "Those won't work on me." I asked why and he says...
"I'm on antidepressants."
He's going in for surgery at 3:30pm Pacific. All your positive thoughts and prayers are appreciated.
Edit: Thank you all for the kind words and omg for the gold! He's out of surgery and looks to be recovering nicely. All your well wishes helped cheer him and his parents up.
๐︎ 3k
๐
︎ Jun 19 2019
Thereโs a room with two tables and ten people. One table has soup, and the other table has a punch bowl. All ten people are lined up at the soup table.
Nowโs when you ask: whereโs the punchline?
๐︎ 7
๐
︎ Nov 24 2019
Put together a table in my room for the kitchen, now the table doesnโt fit through the door...one could say the tables have been turned
๐︎ 6
๐
︎ May 02 2019
One cannot die in a living room.
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ Feb 19 2019
This one time, all the rooms in a hotel were booked. But then comes this one guy, who asks for a room, in the same hotel, and gets one easily.
Because his name was Improvement. And there's always room for improvement.
๐︎ 29
๐
︎ Jun 09 2019
In a one story house the walls are blue, the chairs are blue, the floor is blue, the lights are blue, the living room is blue, the bedrooms are blue, the kitchen is blue, even the air has a blueish tint. What color are the stairs?
The house is ONE STORY it has no stairs.
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ Jul 31 2019
After one hour of searching I finally found an exit out of the room
๐︎ 4
๐
︎ Jun 14 2019
I just got my wife with this one in the delivery room
My wife has been in labour for about 18 hours and was at 8-9cm of dilation when the nurse last checked.
The nurse said that she'll wait another half hour before checking again and then hopefully she can start pushing. My wife said "sure, what's another half hour?"
I said "30 minutes."
๐︎ 67
๐
︎ Sep 10 2017
I was going around the room asking students their names, when I got to one girl who said her name was โEmmyโ.
โNot to be confused with โOscarโ,โ I muttered silently in shame.
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ Aug 30 2018
I have a piece of yarn hanging from one corner of my room to the other.
I think it really ties the room together.
๐︎ 23
๐
︎ Sep 30 2015
I frequently dad joke my lab, I hid this one in a procedure room for my next unfortunate victim. (X-post from r/labrats)
Sorry, this one only works as a picture: http://imgur.com/a/JwNOc
๐︎ 20
๐
︎ Apr 17 2015
How come no one dared to use the ladies room on the starship enterprise?
๐︎ 9
๐
︎ Aug 30 2016
My dad dropped a good one to my mom and garnered an audible groan from the rest of us in the room.
Mom: Yea, they have a new daycare and really love it. It's only three doors down from their house so it's very convenient.
Dad: Huh... That'd be a good band name.
Mom: What?
Dad: Three Doors Down. That'd be a good band name.
๐︎ 7
๐
︎ Mar 14 2015
Overheard a good one in the waiting room
I was sat a few seats away from a man and his son/grandson and he was testing the kid on his math.
Man: "what's 2+2"
Kid: "4"
Man: "what's 4+4"
Kid: "8"
Man: what's 8+8"
Kid: "16"
This continued all the way up to 2048
Man: "okay then... if you have two yards, what have you got?"
Kid: "umm.... two metres?... a metre?"
Man: "no, you have a back yard and a front yard"
I let out a little chuckle but the kid didn't seem to enjoy it as much
๐︎ 10
๐
︎ Aug 21 2014
My uncle laid this one on his son's girlfriend while in a food coma, laying on a blow up mattress in the living room
Uncle: Hey K, did you know I once petitioned to change the name of Uranus?
K (the girlfriend): Oh really, what were you trying to change it to?
Uncle: Urrectum
๐︎ 2
๐
︎ Nov 29 2013
Dad entered the room with this one after taking the dogs out,
"The weather dog says it's snowing outside."
"Uh?"
"When the dog comes out and comes back wet it's raining, and when he comes back with snow on his back, it's snowing."
Just awful.
๐︎ 2
๐
︎ Jan 01 2014
My professor just dropped this one on us to lighten the room.
Why was the baby ant confused?
Because all his uncles are aunts!
๐︎ 2
๐
︎ Mar 03 2014
My dad came into my room a little tipsy, and dropped this one on me.
Dad: What do you call a guy smiling, while he goes down on a girl
Me: What?
Dad: A Gladiator
๐︎ 2
๐
︎ Apr 19 2014
I used to hate my job standing at one corner of the room, blowing air at people.
๐︎ 351
๐
︎ Jul 21 2018
Every time I go to my therapist, I stand in one corner of the waiting room, blowing air at people.
Everyone hates it, but Iโm a fan.
๐︎ 46
๐
︎ Jun 09 2019
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
