Their car breaks down next to a corn field and they decide to run through it as the law is quickly approaching. They stumble upon a barn. Inside they find three burlap sacks and one of them suggests they should each hide inside one. Shortly after, the sherriff and his deputies arrive at the barn. They notice the three sacks. The sheriff kicks the first one containing the brunette and she says "Meow, meow." "Oh it's just a sack of kittens." One of the deputies says. The sherriff kicks the sack where the redhead is hiding and she says "woof, woof." "That's just a sack of puppies" they say. The sherriff kicks the third sack with the blonde inside and she exclaims "Potato, potato."
A small medium at large
She grabs a cup of hot cocoa and watches through the window as he fills the bucket up with water and races from the back of the house all the way out to the front yard and out of sight. She bundles up and goes outside to get a closer look and sees that heβs cleared the snow from the sidewalk. She watches as he takes his bucket of water and pours it out on the cold concrete. Sheβs puzzled for a second and then says:
Icy, what you did there.
It was charged with battery
One says to the other βyouβre doing fine but how am I?β
A drive bike shooting
Itβs a vicious cycle.
A small medium at large.
He calls it The Groundskeeper.
When they go low, we get high.
I replied: 'Probably better to drive the car through.'
DOS ist verboten.
Virgin Mobile
At least thatβs the impression that I get.
The anti-lope.
Robin says: What's a tery?
van Gone
A man sees a celebrity he admires on the street and runs over to him but doesnβt take the hint that the celebrity wants to be alone and is irritable. After about 10 minutes of following him and shouting at him the man yells, βI love this guy, heβs the shit!β The celebrity finally has enough and punches the man in the face... And thatβs when the shit hit the fan
Itβs a WhatsApp Doc.
You could say he's on the lamb.
Seems like i have a really bad case of earontable bowel syndrome
He's a small medium at large.
So I just got back from a run, and must have eaten something earlier, because as soon as I came inside, I ripped a really loud, nasty fart. I jokingly blamed it on her, and she laughed a bit until she smelled it. As she was busy plugging her nose I lay this on her.
Me: Well you know what they say, the one that smelt it is the one that dealt it. Her: That's not funny, I know it was you, that saying doesn't make any sense right now. Me: I think it makes a lot of scents. Wah-waaah..
I was driving my younger sister to one of her youth group meetings earlier today and I talked about how I had first seen a funeral procession that morning on the day to school. I started asking several rhetorical questions such as:
-
"Where was the casket? I didn't see one carried by any of the vehicles."
-
"What cemetery are they going to?"
But now here comes the gold...
"It was a long procession...I'm sure (s)he was loved." Turns toward her "Do you know what the stages of grief are? It's weird how we say the human experience is unique for everyone, but almost everyone mourns in the same way. Do you know what happens after the mourning?"
I sat there in awe after having quivered before the dad-joke incarnate in front of me when I hear in response:
"Why of course, the afternoon silly!"
Edit: I accidentally a format
http://www.lifebuzz.com/funny-texts/
A small medium at large.
A small medium at large.
A small medium at large.
