Hippie gets 3 months late on rent...So the landlord knocks on his door to let him know heβs being evicted
He opens the door and tells him βNamasteβ.
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︎ Dec 25 2020
If someone yawns on tv and yawning is contagious, that person has a chance of being a superspreader and causing a short yawndemic πΈ
π︎ 9
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︎ Nov 22 2020
Imagine being held at gunpoint by (bear with me) a literate animal, and the only hope of rescue is (BEAR WITH ME) posting a coded message on social media.
wHo the hEll would beLieve such a thing can hapPen.
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︎ Apr 25 2020
Did you know being a minute is the most dangerous job on the planet?
Because every 60 seconds, a minute passes
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︎ Oct 04 2020
There was a television channel ran by pets, the weather forecast was on and inclement weather was being predicted...
High chance of it raining cats and dogs, howling winds, and a possible purricane.
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︎ Nov 15 2020
This was on my mind for a while after being a candidate for so many job openings.
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︎ Sep 07 2020
Idk why The Police are being hated on sooo much.
I mean they have their problems, but I still think that they are a great band!
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︎ Aug 01 2020
You can now watch the World Origami Championship on tv since all these other sports are being cancelled.
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︎ Aug 03 2020
Being a wheelchair user must be wheelie hard to move on especially when someone walks out on you
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︎ May 07 2020
The court released the suspect on the grounds of being on an armor show on the night of the murder ...
it was an ironclad alibi!
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︎ Jul 12 2020
Being on this subreddit too long may lead to
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︎ May 06 2020
My twin brother was being rude to our mother on the phone, so I pushed him out of the window...
Now I am being charged with making an "obscene clone fall"
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︎ Apr 23 2020
If you are ever working on being more decisive and find yourself wanting to get a tuba, a trombone, and a round-bottomed dish - but you can only afford two of them and the dish will fit under your shirt - just remember:
Take the bowl, buy the horns .
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︎ Apr 12 2020
To all the hardworking men who park our cars on February 14 instead of being with their girlfriends...
Happy Valetntineβs day!
π︎ 4
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︎ Jan 30 2020
I met Buzz Aldrin once and asked how he felt being the second man on the moon...
"Wellβ¦" he said. "It could have been anyone. Right up until we landed, we hadn't decided who would be first out the door. Then, once we touched down, Neil suggested we flip for it."
"And he won?" I said.
"Well, noβ¦" he mumbled. "The coin was still in the air when Neil jumped down the ladder, the big jerk."
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︎ Mar 27 2020
The best thing about being on a deserted island with a pair of twins?
Starting fires are easy since each of them will always have a match!
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︎ Jan 27 2020
I recently visited Washington state for the first time. Much to my surprise, it ended up being a warm and sunny day when I arrived! Put on a tank top, threw on some shades, and picked up an iced latte. I took a stroll through the park near the Space Needle and had a wonderful time.
I guess you could say I was sleeveless in Seattle
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︎ Mar 16 2020
Maria, Marcos, and Maveric were siblings. Maria was ploting a prank on her brothers, so being the good friend i am, i had to...
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︎ Oct 14 2019
Being horny on your period is basically bloodlust
π︎ 4
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︎ Oct 11 2019
I donβt like being with others on the same elevator
Because they really like pushing my buttons
π︎ 15
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︎ Jan 05 2020
Scam alert: Those Free Hong Kong shirts are being sold on Amazon for 15 bucks!
π︎ 8
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︎ Oct 23 2019
I would like to thank my arms for always being at my side, my legs for supporting me, and my fingers because i could count on them
π︎ 182
π
︎ Jan 16 2019
My girlfriend walked out on me for being too old fashioned.
I thought we had good alchemy.
π︎ 483
π
︎ Oct 08 2018
If being out of shape was a crime, a productive punishment would be to run on a treadmill.
It would be a run-on sentence.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 01 2019
Reddit comments being Reddit comments. Found on r/AskReddit
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︎ Jul 25 2019
This lady just walked up to me, asked if I remembered meeting her and oddly she commented on being a vegetarian.
I'm sure I never met herbivore.
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︎ May 30 2019
I was looking through the cards in the supermarket. One said on the front: "Thank You For Being A Role Model Dad."
How cute is that? So I slipped it into my pocket and took it home to show my kids.
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︎ Sep 10 2019
My doctor told me I could get a trophy from being on crutches
but all I got were smaller, weaker leg muscles.
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︎ Jan 07 2019
What happens when Animals are being served on a plate?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Apr 07 2019
What do you call a baby being born on the stairs?
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︎ May 31 2019
My favorite thing about being born on labor day
Labor day I was born a pun and I love it. I'm legally pun
π︎ 5
π
︎ Aug 09 2019
Scientists have discovered a crazed 8 legged being living on the moon.
π︎ 7
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︎ Feb 04 2019
Life has been going pretty well for me lately and my wife told me I need to work on being more humble.
I told her when it comes to humility I'm #1.
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︎ Apr 07 2019
My 7yr old son is getting a jump start on being a dad
We were parking and I read the street sweeper sign out loud
Me: Monday 930-11am
Son: it's Thursday
Me: ya I know I was just reading the sign
Son: I was talking to the sign, not you
Me: signs don't speak English
Son: I know, they speak sign language.
Edit: My lazy ass logged in and fixed the formatting.
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π
︎ Jan 22 2015
I've always thought kids being able to draw on the sidewalks at school is only teaching them that vandalism is okay...
but I guess it could be chalked up to freedom of expression...
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︎ Aug 30 2017
Help me guys! I tried to film a cake being baked, with my new camera, but when I turned on the oven, it broke
I swear that it said the camera could record in 360 degrees, on the box
Edit: corrected a typo
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π
︎ Dec 04 2018
After being warned to protect my new phone, I finally got my protection in the mail today. They sent me one meant for a teen girl with bieber on it. I still will use it until i can replace it to protect my phone.
Just in: Case; Justin case. Just Encase, just in case.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 25 2019
I had aspirations of being a doctor when I grew up. My dad said he would never let me operate on him.
Fine, I said, suture self.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Mar 18 2019
What do you call back pain from being on social media for long periods of time?
π︎ 9
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︎ Mar 15 2019
Hereβs why I hate being left on read
π︎ 5
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︎ Apr 08 2019
I'm nowhere close to being a Dad and I just pulled this on a friend. I'm excited for my future.
imgur.com/gP1NdsK
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Sep 05 2013
Imagine being held at gunpoint (bear with me) by a literate animal, and the only hope of rescue is (BEAR WITH ME) posting a coded message on Reddit.
π︎ 23k
π
︎ Apr 28 2017
I met Buzz Aldrin once and asked how he felt being the second man on the moon. "Well..." he said. "It could have been anyone. Right up until we landed, we hadn't decided who would be first out the door. Then, once we touched down, Neil suggested we flip for it."
"And he won?" I asked.
"Well, no..." he mumbled. "The coin was still in the air when Neil jumped down the ladder, the big jerk!"
π︎ 64
π
︎ Jun 19 2018
My girlfriend walked out on me for being too old-fashioned
I thought we had good alchemy
π︎ 7
π
︎ May 06 2019
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