It's cloudy all over just now.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2020
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Apparently you can now place an order with your local bakery and have it delivered to you via drone...

Sounds like pie in the sky to me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dens382
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
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My dad and I shared a great moment today...

We were talking about the eclipse and where best to go outside and look at it (with proper viewing glasses, of course). My mom asked "Where is the sun right now?"

My dad and I both responded, instantly and in unison, "It's up in the sky!"

We laughed, high fived, and my mom rolled her eyes so hard that they almost popped out of her head. Good times y'all.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CreamyGoodnss
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2017
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Here's a long one, it won't disappoint.

My dad's favorite joke of all time (there are many variations, and of course, even more extended versions):

These three guys went to South America to explore the rain forest. The guide was leading them through explaining the different plants and animals. After awhile they started to hear this really loud sound.

whoosh

whoosh

whoosh

The men, kind of scared, asked the guide what the noise was.

"What the hell is that noise?"

"Oh, that's just the Foo bird."

"The Foo bird?"

"Yes, it's a giant bird, and the locals believe that if it poops on you, wiping it off will cause instant death."

"That's silly."

"Well, that's what the locals say."

The noise gets louder and closer.

WHOOSH

WHOOSH

WHOOSH

The men look up in the sky and see a glimpse of the Foo bird.

"It's huge!"

Suddenly...

SPLAT

All four of the men are covered with bird shit. The guide pulls a cloth out of his pocket and wipes the shit off of his face. He drops dead.

The first of the three men says, "that's got to be a coincidence."

He wipes the shit off, and drops dead.

The second guy nervously says, "it can't be true"

He wipes it off and drops dead.

The third guy doesn't wipe it off. He was found a few days later, and went home, refusing to be cleaned.

A few years pass, his life has been destroyed due to being covered in shit. His wife left him, his friends won't come near him, he can't find a job... One day, he's in the bathroom shaving around the shit.

"It's been years, most of it has flaked off, it's probably fine to wipe it off now."

He hesitates, but eventually grabs a towel, wets it down, and takes a deep breath.

He wipes the shit off, looks up into the mirror smiling, then drops dead.

The moral of the story is:

If the Foo shits, wear it.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fire_marshall_ill
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2013
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Checking the weather

My wife and I had just left our apartment the other day and were walking down the street towards the ferry stop. It was getting quite cloudy and windy, and wife says:

"Did you check the weather before we left?"

I said "No, I'll check now."

And then I looked directly up at the sky and stood there like that for a second until she got the joke. I had my (smart)phone in my hand at the time, so I'm sure she thought I was about to look it up on that.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xbtdev
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2014
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