Norman Bowell Puns

That morning, Norman got up after his alarm went off only once. He padded into the kitchen, and groggily grabbed the pot of coffee that had already brewed on a timer. He brought the pot to his nose, inhaling deeply. Norman appreciates the small things. Norman the cat broke his short reverie with a meow. Norman the human poured himself a cup of coffee.

He gave Norman his usual morning meal of Meow mix, starting to sip his coffee.

After he finished his coffee, he walked into his bathroom. Business as usual. Coffee, and then a bowel movement. Norman was lucky to have a smooth operating system.

Today, however, though his lower abdomen gurgled and he felt bloated and full, nothing seemed to be coming. Norman meowed outside of the door.

He sat. He would have to leave for work soon. He strained, and pushed, farting expectantly, but ultimately, achieving nothing.

Finally, a small, small nugget forced its way out. He felt there was more, but he had to get dressed. Norman sighed. He would probably have to poop in the men’s bathroom at work later. A foreboding anxiety washed over him. He wiped.

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

So, I reread a few Daredevil books, and I want to talk about my second favorite Marvel villain, Bullseye.

People tend to associate Green Goblin as the Marvel version of Joker, and while there’s certainly similar aspects (color scheme, insanity, themed attire, arch nemesis), Bullseye is just as if not more the Marvel equivalent of the Joker. Bulleseye has no past and no name, the closest we have is the name “Lester”, but even that could be a lie.

What is clear about Bullseye is through his actions, and that paints him as an inhuman monster. He’s responsible for killing two of Daredevil’s loves (Elektra and Karen Page, frequently tormenting Matt because it’s fun to him. A fact I’ve always found darkly amusing is that while he’s a hired hitman, it’s implied he’s richer than Norman Osborn. Why? Because he doesn’t spend any of the money people pay him to kill people for, because it’s not about the money to him, he’d rather spend his time killing more people then spending that money. Really, the money is just his way of keeping score.

One of my favorite examples of Bullseye’s level of dedication is from Bullseye: Perfect Game, a two issue story where a job required him to go undercover as a baseball player. So he hired Satana to make his soul look different in case Doctor Strange or some other magic user was in the audience and he hired Taskmaster to teach him how to move and even pitch differently. He may be insane, but he’s not an idiot, quite the contrary. He flat out told Osborn his plan to invade Asgard was insane during Siege. He cautiously avoids fighting anyone outside his weight class, and when his job starts to take him places that are clearly outside his pay grade, he'll happily bail. This can make him often more dangerous than his employers, since he knows when to lay low if that'll get the job done, and never making the classic supervillain mistake of letting his reach exceed his grasp.

I love how darkly creative his “turn anything into a lethal weapon” aspect is. Everything from knives, darts, peanuts, playing cards and even his own teeth he RIPPED OUT OF HIS OWN MOUTH. There’s a particular time where he was in prison, and the precautions they take to keep him locked up is Hannibal Lector worthy. He’s constantly doped up on anti psychotics (that don’t work on him), and to let the man himself describe:

“... Instead of a toilet, I got this little hole in the floor—which could be a problem, except they got me on a liquid diet... and a l

The doctor says it terminal.

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Do your worst!

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Mathematical puns makes me number

We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

He lost May

Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

And now I’m cannelloni

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

And boy are my arms legs.

Put it on my bill

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

A play on words.

Calcium, nickel, neon

My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.

Pilot on me!!

Christopher Walken

Until he discovered it was extra sharp.

Nothing, he was gladiator.

The bartender says, "Sorry, no minors”

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

Or would that be too forward thinking?