No, No, No Puns

Ground beef

How times have changed.

Because our solar system gets terrible reviews we only have 1 star

On his 21st birthday his dad asked him what he’d like to do. “Go to the bar for a beer”, he said. So they went.

His dad propped his son on the bar. “Beer for my son, please”. The dad poured the beer into his son’s mouth. Two arms sprouted from his neck. “It’s a miracle! Bartender, quick! Grab another beer!”

The son grabbed the second beer with his new arms and drank it. A body grew below his arms. The bartender ran for another beer. The boy drank it and sure enough, two legs sprouted from his torso.

He yelled, “Dad look! I have a body!” In his excitement he ran out of the bar. His dad and the bartender followed and to their horror, watched as the kid ran into the street and got run over by a bus. The dad said, “Oh son, I never thought to teach you to look both ways before crossing the street”.

The bartender said, “Poor kid, should’ve quit while he was ahead”.

Because of the pastry-archy

Tony

Does that mean that colour is…a pigment of your imagination?

Genie: Sue me

Matt

She has been on cloud 9 ever since, feeling so loved and in love.

I don't have the heart to tell her that I was just correcting her grammar.

I really need to borrow some chairs from you.

Seems I just can’t get a reaction.

Nobody knows

All righty then.

There are no canaries there either.

If you're talking to drugs you're probably on drugs

Irrelephant

and turn off those flashing blue lights on your car. They look RIDICULOUS

They’re said to be getting on like a house on fire 🔥

It coincides with the end of Daylight Shavings Time.

A provoloner.

Army

You have to be dead to be buried there.

It's because they're ice-o-lated

well, that didn't work out.

The monk told him but sir, you have no arms, how will you ring the bell?

The man said, " just lead me to the bell and I'll show you."

So they walked up the long stairwell that led to the top of the belfry. Once at the top, the man walked over to the bell to get a good look at it. He then proceeded back up against the furthest wall and leapt into a sprint, face first into the bell.

He plummeted 65 feet below to his death. Tragically, no sound came from the bell.

When the police arrived an hour later, they asked the monk if he knew the man.

The monk simply said, "No. His face doesn't ring a bell either."

But wait, there's more...

The next day another man with no arms showed up at the monastery and told the monk "Yesterday the man who died here was my brother. This was his lifelong dream. If it's ok with you, I'd like to try just once for him."

The monk certainly couldn't refuse and slowly led the man up the long stairwell.

Once at the top the man walked over to the bell. He kissed the spot where his brother's face hit the bell just a day before and walked back to the edge of the furthest wall.

The priest watched in horror as once again a man hurled himself face first towards the bell, but at the last minute the man tucked his chin, stopped at the last moment and slammed his head into the side of the bell.

The bell rang with the loudest clang the countryside had heard in years. In fact, it was so loud the man cried out in agonizing pain, lost his balance and fell to his death below.

Once again the police showed up, and once again asked the monk if he knew the man's name to which the monk replied, "no, but he's a dead ringer for his brother."

I'll show myself out.

Good night

Art.

Mike

Vampires are killed by Holy Water… They bless the rains down in Africa

insert Africa by Toto

he said, crestfallen.

I said, 'where did that come from ?'

European

With your support, we can make America great again!

Dawn is tough on Greece.

A gummy bear!

She got up and right.

Ground beef 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

Tony

Nobody knows.