Nicholas the actor was so heavy…

He was a bit too kg.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who insists on being called Nicholas?

A refuse-nik!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eat-rainbows
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
🚨︎ report
My name is Nicholas,

But I'm unemployed, so you can call me nickle-less

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xtilexx
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What would Nicholas Cage be called if he was bankrupt?

Nickel-less Cage

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/schierke_schierke
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my friend, Nick, if he had 5 cents I could borrow. But he was Nicholas.
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My co-worker Nicholas is rarely late for work meetings, but it often shows up within 2 minutes of the meeting start time

I guess he likes to show up in the nick of time.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Nicholas Gauge
πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
🚨︎ report
A man named Nicholas Justin retires early from his job at a prominent magazine

At the retirement party, his boss says, "You might be getting to the next stage in your life early, but you'll always be Justin, the Nick of Time."

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/command_block_guy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Jolly Ole Saint Nicholas...
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Unkempt_ROUS
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
🚨︎ report
So it turns out the last Russian monarch Nicholas the 2nd had a secret boyfriend.

A truly biczar situation

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ooglyEyes
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Call your son Nicholas

That way he'll have a built in nick-name

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Edeard95
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
🚨︎ report
If someone named Nicholas told you to call him "Nick" ...

... then you can say Nick is his Nickname!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/omart3
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2017
🚨︎ report
I told my dad about a friend's child named Nicholas

He said you should have seen him in a crib. I asked why? he said you don't see Nicholas Caged everyday.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Drdontlittle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2016
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who just lost their last 5 cents?

Nicholas

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RastaDonut
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2021
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
"Do you have any nicknames, Tom?"

I said, "Well, there's Nicholas...Nicky..."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Naming our future children.

Told my girlfriend I had some ideas for names for our future kids.

First was Penelope for a girl, because I always liked the nickname Penny. Girlfriend thought it was cute and agreed.

Next was Dimitri because it's not too common and sounds artsy. Girlfriend was not much of a fan, but agreed it would sound good with our last name.

Last was Nicholas Levar for a son's name. Named after Santa Claus and Star Trek's Geordi La Forge. I love Christmas and my girlfriend loves Star Trek. Girlfriend shot it down.

At this point I said, "But the nicknames are good! Penny, Dime, and Nick L. We would have 16 cents to our name! It makes cents to me!"

Not sure if she wants to have kids with me now.


EDIT: To the guys saying Dime isn't a nickname for Dimitri, they're MY imaginary kids, I'll call them what I damn want.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LADeviation
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2015
🚨︎ report
I heard they put the declaration of independence in a museum,

They renamed it the decoration of independence.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Dadjoked my friend today

Me:"Are you sure his name is Nick?"

Friend:"Yes, I heard his friends calling him Nick."

Me: "But maybe that's just his...

Nick-name."

Friend's mom:"..."

Me:"Isn't the weather beautiful today?"

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bomboclatz
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2014
🚨︎ report
If I had a nickel for every time this happened, I wouldn't be me anymore.

Just dad joked my gf hard.

Gf: Do you have five cents?

Aspiring dad: No. I'm Nickle-less.

PS: My name is Nicholas

The poor girl lost her lungs and eyes in the subsequent sigh and eye roll.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wizenedwallaby
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2016
🚨︎ report
A new spin on an old classic

We are remodeling the bathroom due to mold, and long story short Nicholas wasn't allowed in his room. While in the front room he moaned as loudly as he could "I'm booooooooooooooreeeeed"; I picked up the nearest 2x4, stuck it out the door and said "Hi board, I'm plank".

I got two chuckles from the contracter and my stepdad, and an "ungh" from Nicholas.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/d_wootang
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2014
🚨︎ report
What do you call a poor Nicholas Cage?

Nickel-less Cage

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ashindn1l3
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my friend, Nick, if he had 5 cents I could borrow.

But he was Nicholas.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Here's a joke I made for my fellow Nicks out there :

Don't ask me for 5 cents anytime soon...

because I'm Nicholas.

(that's right! a joke only we can tell!)

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChewyNutCluster
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 76
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I think he named me Nick just for this...

Dad: hey you got a nickel?

Me: I'm afraid not

Dad: well I guess you could say you're... Nicholas.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fetrinol
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2015
🚨︎ report
I asked my friend nic if he had 5 cents,

But he was nicholas.

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/phileycheeze
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
🚨︎ report
My name is Nick. My dad told me this all the time growing up

You'll never be penniless, but you'll always be Nicholas..

god dammit

πŸ‘︎ 90
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nocnoc9
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.