I received the same newspaper from New York that I got yesterday!
π︎ 5
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︎ May 13 2021
Every 20 minutes a man in New York gets robbed.
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︎ May 14 2021
My fart just wiped out half of new York.
It was a weapon of ass destruction
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︎ Apr 10 2021
T-Rex: Look, honey... I think you should come to New York with me.
I canβt see you if you donβt move.
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︎ Apr 16 2021
What do you call a pig from New York?
π︎ 8
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︎ Mar 09 2021
If Irving Berlin lived in Montreal instead of New York...
Would he have written βPoutine on the Ritz?β
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︎ Mar 06 2021
Due to freezing conditions in New York, the mens American Naturist Society....
.....has seen the size of their members shrink dramatically.
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︎ Feb 13 2021
What's the most dangerous part of New York in the winter?
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︎ Jan 07 2021
Authorities are searching for a four-foot tall woman who recently escaped from prison in upstate New York. She was serving a five year sentence for fraud after convincing a number of victims that she was a powerful psychic.
Now she's a small medium at large.
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︎ Nov 25 2020
Sorry New York Jets, but you just canβt score touchdowns.
π︎ 7
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︎ Jan 23 2021
What do you call an elf that lives in New York City?
π︎ 23
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︎ Nov 12 2020
What do you call a deer from New York
π︎ 2
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︎ Jan 21 2021
Did you notice that people started taking the looters & rioters seriously once New York was hit?
Probably because everyone knows where the Big Apple is, but not where the Minneapolis.
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︎ Jun 01 2020
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun.
Big deal. I have had a Canon printer for years.
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︎ Apr 23 2021
Delighted to say I've finally got a new job installing mirrors!
Nothing fancy, but was something I could always see myself doing.
π︎ 9k
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︎ Apr 24 2021
Just started my new job as a security guard. The supervisor told me my job would be to watch the office at night.
Iβm on season eight. Still not sure what this has to do with security.
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︎ Apr 11 2021
Never ask anyone whether they prefer New York City or Syracuse.
That's comparing apples to oranges.
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︎ Oct 25 2020
My glitch happened when I forgot to renew my subscription to a weekly news magazine based in New York City.
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︎ Nov 01 2020
Theres a lot of tall men around parts of new york
Especially long guy land.
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︎ Nov 05 2020
Did you hear about this new restaurant called Karma?
There's no menu. You get what you deserve.
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︎ May 02 2021
Why can't a man living in New York be buried in Chicago ?
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︎ Jul 04 2020
Did you hear about the viagara truck hijacked in New York the other day?
The police are looking for a gang of hardened criminals
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︎ Aug 25 2020
Asked my contractor why he didnβt bill me for my new roof
He said βDonβt worry about it, itβs on the house!β
π︎ 1k
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︎ Apr 25 2021
BREAKING NEWS: Scientists launch sneak attack on the periodic table.....
Add the element of surprise.
π︎ 881
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︎ May 01 2021
My dad constantly tells me I'll never amount to anything because I always procrastinate.
I'll show him. Just you wait.
Edit: Goodness, that blew up. My first awards, too!
I want to send out individual replies to thank everyone who gave me an award. I might do it later.
π︎ 9k
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︎ Feb 24 2021
Darth Vader found his new wife near the stairs...
π︎ 178
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︎ May 04 2021
Did you hear what the New York Times editor-in-chief said on their last day?
"Start spreading the news, I'm leaving today."
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︎ Sep 13 2020
Not sure if OP was going for a pun
π︎ 1k
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︎ Apr 28 2021
This oneβs on a whole new level
π︎ 72
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︎ May 12 2021
Scientists have discovered another deadly pathogen they are calling the 'Peekaboo' virus.
Doctor's are sending anyone with Peekaboo, straight to ICU.
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︎ May 10 2021
Shocking news:
π︎ 495
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︎ Apr 22 2021
Why do Indians love New York?
Because there's a Delhi on every block.
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︎ Aug 02 2020
Breaking News: Archaeologists believe that they've uncovered a cache of pencils that belonged to William Shakespeare. A spokesperson for the dig said they're so badly chewed on the ends,
we can't tell if they're 2B or not 2B.
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︎ Apr 23 2021
I wanted to go to the local aquarium to see the new dolphin show, but when I got there I couldnβt get in.
It was closed for training porpoises.
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︎ May 02 2021
Tesla just announced theyβll be including a bottle of their new cologne now with every car sold
Itβs called Elonβs Musk
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︎ Apr 21 2021
What do you say to warn your family you're about to test a new dad joke on them?
π︎ 3k
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︎ Mar 11 2021
My new girlfriend hates bees. Itβs a real shame...
I thought she was a keeper.
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︎ May 15 2021
Sibling humor, the backs of two ocean-themed quilts for my baby bro's new son and daughter.
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︎ May 08 2021
2 cats in New York test pawsitive for Coronavirus
π︎ 12
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︎ Apr 23 2020
I propose that the much desired New York Strip Steak be renamed to Washington DC.
This will make the District of Columbia, finally a steak.
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︎ Jun 27 2020
I need to learn how to take care of my new tree
So I'm going to nursery school.
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︎ May 15 2021
Did you hear about the new movie constipation?
It hasnβt come out yet.
π︎ 7
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︎ Apr 25 2021
The new Ponda Civic
π︎ 70
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︎ Apr 04 2021
I asked my grandpa, βHow are you enjoying the new stair lift?β
Grandpa: I hate it. Itβs driving me up the wall.
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︎ Feb 08 2021
Boss: How's that new glue?
π︎ 8k
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︎ Jan 20 2021
Sorry if this has been done before, Iβm new to the sub
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︎ May 11 2021
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