This gives a whole new meaning to Mass Shooting!
šŸ‘︎ 60
šŸ’¬︎
šŸ‘¤︎ u/JuanTanio
šŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
šŸšØ︎ report
A new nun got dressed for the day and went to mass.

As she is entering, she trips over. The Mother Superior rushes over to help "It seems you got into a bad habit this morning" Says Mother Superior.

šŸ‘︎ 5
šŸ’¬︎
šŸ‘¤︎ u/Kubrick_Fan
šŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2015
šŸšØ︎ report
I dare you to read this

What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!

I heard a scary math joke, but Iā€™m 2^^2 to tell it!

Have you heard of that new movie, ā€œConstipationā€? Well it doesnā€™t matter, it never came out.

I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said ā€œNo, doc, itā€™s dis knee.ā€

Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.

When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses donā€™t cause reactions, after all.

Whatā€™s the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.

What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!

I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."

Why canā€™t you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!

Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.

Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You donā€™t wanna wake the sleeping pills.

What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!

What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!

What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!

Help, I canā€™t stop reading books with female protagonists! Iā€™m a heroine addict!

How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!

When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!

19 and 20 got into a fightā€¦ 21.

My friend told me, ā€œPeople who sell meat are disgusting!ā€ So I said, ā€œYeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!ā€

How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!

What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bondā€¦ ionic bond. ā€œTaken, not shared.ā€ What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)

How much does Santaā€™s sleigh cost? $0, itā€™s on the house.

If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.

I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.

Iā€™m going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, Iā€™m outstanding.

Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!

What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide Whatā€™s the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon

Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But thatā€™s just a blanket statem

... keep reading on reddit āž”

šŸ‘︎ 37
šŸ’¬︎
šŸ‘¤︎ u/kinjago
šŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
šŸšØ︎ report
Computer Puns

How do two programmers make money? One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses.


Whereā€™s the best place to hide a body? Page two of Google.


A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history ā€“ with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.


If it werenā€™t for C, weā€™d all be programming in BASI and OBOL.


There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who donā€™t.


In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?


Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.


Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.


Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurling down the highway.


An SQL statement walks into a bar and sees two tables. It approaches, and asks ā€œmay I join you?ā€


Why is it that programmers always confuse Halloween with Christmas?

Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC.


Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraftā€¦ and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.


How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None. Itā€™s a hardware problem.


I named my hard drive ā€œdat assā€ so once a month my computer asks if I want to ā€˜back dat ass upā€™.


I think my neighbor is stalking me as sheā€™s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.


I changed my password to ā€œincorrectā€. So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say ā€œYour password is incorrectā€.


A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.


Itā€™s ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity too.


Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Wifi went down during family dinner tonight. One kid started talking and I didnā€™t know who he was.


I would like to thank everybody that stuck by my side for those five long minutes my house didnā€™t have internet.


A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.


Are you a computer whiz? it seems you know how to turn my software to hardwar

... keep reading on reddit āž”

šŸ‘︎ 7
šŸ’¬︎
šŸ‘¤︎ u/Punsville
šŸ“…︎ May 12 2017
šŸšØ︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.