He knew he'd be pun-ished for his choice. http://explosm.net/comics/3853/
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LtDansBedPan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
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figured I'd christen my first graphics tablet with a pun for the net
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πŸ‘€︎ u/booneruni
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2018
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What is a pirate's favorite PokΓ©mon?

Arrrrrrrrrbok

My son made this up and I've never been more proud!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/toobs623
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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I became a professional fisherman...

But discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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EXTREMELY proud of my 5 year old son for this uninentional one:

Son: Dad...we need a net.

Me: Why?

Son: To catch our flight.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mynickname86
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
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Some punny jobs

WORKING ON A JOB

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned I just couldn’t concentrate. . Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe. . After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it. The job was only so-so anyhow. . Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was exhausting. . I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn’t cut it. . I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn’t cut the mustard. . My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn’t note worthy. . I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn’t have any patience. . Next was a job in a shoe factory; but it just wasn’t the right fit. . I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn’t live on my net income. . I thought about becoming a witch, so I tried that for a spell. . I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining. . After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a historian, until I realized there was no future in it. . My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit, because it was always the same old grind.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TTMOfficial
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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You and your wife are playing hockey and she shoots

She Mrs. the net!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Asadleafsfan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
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I am worth nothing...

I paid off all my debt so now my net worth is $0 :D

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zapyre
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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Jeff Bezos, the founder of Amazon, has become the first person ever to have a net worth over $200 billion.

That's one expensive net

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LupinDaThird777
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
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My dad make a joke when I was playing PokΓ©mon Shield with him

We went past a Garbodor and I told my Dad, β€œHey it’s a Garbodor!” He then says β€œI don’t like it. That PokΓ©mon is trash.”

this is the PokΓ©mon

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
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I always wanted to follow my dear Dad as a commercial fisherman..

But his Net income always put me off.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
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I asked my fisherman friend, β€œHow much money do you make for your catch?”

He said, β€œI don’t discuss my .....net worth.”

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
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Me and my dad went fishing and didn’t lose any gear. However we found a free net.

I guess you could say it was a net gain

Based on a true story

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pancakesnarfer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
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If you cut a hole in a net....

If you cut a hole in a net, the net has less holes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/judewijesena
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
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Dad : What have achieved with all this network?

Me : No net work.

(the joke is on me)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OtsuKotsu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
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I need a pun

Idk if this fits this sub, but I'm planning a Halloween costume and just need a punny name for it.

I'm going to wear timberland boots, camo cargo pants, an olive/brown/green/earth t-shirt, aviator sunglasses, and get a beer bandolier.

I need a solider/army/military + beer/alcohol/drinking pun to name the costume. Any suggestions?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lcg32195
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
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What do talks, lectures and jokes on Reddit all have in common?

They are all free speech!

https://www.battleforthenet.com/

Stop the FCC from removing net neutrality!

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/caleb7m
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2017
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My Dad is currently riding his bicycle across America to raise awareness for Colon Cancer...

[and posted a picture of him and his bike on a rest day.] (https://i.imgur.com/IapqomG.png)

Edit: Whoa this is getting popular. I live on the other side of the world, and am about to go to bed, but I am just going to put his [donation page] (http://ccf.convio.net/site/TR?px=3433802&fr_id=1580&pg=personal) at the top of the post if anyone is interested. It is no big deal, but if someone is looking, I thought I'd put it at the top. Either way, you all are going to make his day when I show him how many people appreciated his joke. I just hope this doesn't mean that I have to laugh at all of them from now on...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/travellingby
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2017
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I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...

I realized my net wasn't big enough.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
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A king was looking to protect his secret maze...

...so he called in his court wizard to devise a means of defense. The wizard set to work at once. First, he wove a net, tightly so that nothing could escape. Then he traveled to the nearby lake.

For three days, he went to the edge of a dock, and cast his net into the water. Each time, he collected many small fish, until he had gathered thousands.

He then took the fish to his study, and carefully processed them, crushing them into a sticky paste. Warming the paste, he began to lather it across the walls of the maze.

When the king learned of this, he was very angry.

"How dare you cover my walls with fish paste!" he said.

The wizard replied, "But sire, everyone knows to protect a labyrinth, one must use a minnow tar."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cmecau
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
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My last joke got taken down.

Here's a mirror.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingSulley
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
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I went fishing with my friend and he caught loads of fish and I didn't

I said is this net working?

He said no its fishing

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Richardbaconaise
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
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Only Fallout and Witcher fans will get this one
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lombax_Rexroth
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
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Why didn’t the fish tryout for basketball?

Because they were afraid of the net.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ATalkingLime
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2019
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What did the flamenco dancer admire about the fisherman?

The way he’d cast a net.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bvlshewic
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
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What do you drink while watching the lizards that live in the middle of tennis courts race their cars over rough terrain?

Net newt rally tea

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thkoog
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2017
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Bruce Springsteen, Pearl Jam and Ringo Starr all cancel NC shows over the anti-LGBT law.
πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2016
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I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.

I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.

(Source - net)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SCG69
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2018
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[MOD POST] Hunting for an additional moderator. Read and apply within.

EDIT: I am now closing applications and will make a decision in the next day or so. Thank you to everybody who applied - the general enthusiasm and support is wonderful to see.

( as this is a self post, I receive no karma - however I would appreciate it if you upvoted purely for visibility <3 )

Hey everybody,

The /r/dadjokes community is now over 85,000 subscribers strong. That's pretty great. Pretty super great.

Thus far, over the entire existence of this sub, I have been the only mod. Quietly watching, taking your feedback, removing a post here, approving another there - doing my best not to interfere too much. I'm going to be honest, it hasn't been that hard.

You lot are generally a pretty nice bunch, give or take a few of the more vocal lunatics. There isn't usually a lot of work to be done, or issues that need resolving.

That said, I'm not awake all the time. I can't lurk on Reddit all the time. I don't have all-seeing eyes.

So it's about time I gave another pair of eyes moderator status and entrusted those eyes with a duty of care.

Let's get down to the chase; here's what I'm looking for in an additional mod:

  • You live in a very different timezone to Syd, AU - GMT+10
  • You have a good sense of humour
  • You're not in this purely to grow your 'net rep
  • You're interested in being fair, and maintaining fairness
  • You maintain civility in yourself and your responses at all times
  • You have a bit of time every day to go through reports, spam, and post comments
  • You understand that your moderatorship will initially be a trial, and can be revoked at any time if you aren't being magical and rad
  • Some general CSS/subreddit formatting knowledge wouldn't go astray, but is not required

Here's what I am not looking for:

  • Strong, cemented opinions about what constitutes a dad joke and what doesn't - everybody's dad and humour is different
  • An overzealous post remover - I am not looking for an enforcer, the title moderator implies moderation
  • A(nother) dictator - it is my preference that this subreddit be gently guided, and not forcibly ruled, we let the community find itself and we listen to what they say

If you wish to apply for the title and duty of being a moderator to /r/dadjokes, simply state your case (why you should be selected, what benefits or experience you bring, etc) in a comment reply to this thread. I will then get in touch with the most worthy seeming applicants. Upvotes and downvites will not be taken int

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tali3sin
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2013
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my dad just got dadjoked via group text

sister: wish I was there with you

Dad: catch a plane

sister: I don't have a big enough net

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wishiwasAyla
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2014
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A fisherman brought in a catch of fish so large it broke his net.

He made a good bit from selling the fish, but unfortunately it was a net loss.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LgomaFxdou
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
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An angry letter to the mods of /r/dadjokes
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Eggs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2018
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What's the name of Squidward's wife?

First name is Claire, last name Nets and her middle name starts with I, i don't know her middle name.

It's Claire I. Nets

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blazinbluecolor
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2018
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Who makes more money, the fisherman or the lawnmower?

The lawnmower, he gets grass income while the fisherman gets net income

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/warmachine237
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2018
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Nihilist Dad Jokes

https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/nihilist-dad-jokes-part-2

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jenki_boba_ken
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2019
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Nihilist Dad Jokes

Why did the scarecrow win a prize? Because he stood alone in his field! He stood there for years, rotting, until he was forgotten.

I tell my kids, you’re allowed to watch the TV all you want… Just don’t turn it on! This way they will begin to understand the futility of all things.

How does a penguin build a house? Igloos it together. Like all animals, it is an automaton, driven by blind genetic imperative, marching slowly to oblivion.

Why don’t skeletons go trick or treating? They have no body to go with them! The skeletons are like us: alone, empty, dead already.

I don’t really like playing soccer. I just do it for kicks! Like all of humanity, I pretend to enjoy things, and others pretend to care about my charade.

You hear about the moon restaurant? Good food, no atmosphere! If you eat there, you forfeit your life, which would make no difference to the universe as a whole.

Why did the blonde focus on an orange juice container? It said concentrate! She realized that society’s depictions of her were like the juice: formulaic, insipid, fake.

My wife told me to put the cat out. I didn’t know it was on fire! By the time I could act, it was incinerated, a harbinger of the path we all must take.

How come the invisible man wasn’t offered a job? They just couldn’t see him doing it! This man stands for all of us: unseen, misunderstood, irrelevant.

Today I gave away my old batteries… Free of charge! No one wanted them, so I became angry and threw them in the yard. The battery acid now leaks into the soil, killing a colony of ants. A sparrow eats their bodies and is poisoned. Somewhere in the Serengeti, a lion devours his rival’s cubs. Then the lion is shot by a poacher and sold to an unloved rich man whose father was an unloved rich man. In five billion years, the Sun will become a bloated giant, boiling the oceans and consuming our pointless cruelties with flames. I wake sweat-drenched and screaming, staring at the visage of a faceless god. β€œWHAT HAVE I DONE?! HOW COULD I BRING A CHILD INTO THIS WORLD!?” But this god, like all gods, is nothingβ€”just my son’s Wilson baseball mitt, sitting on my dresser, mocking me.

Will February March? No, but April May! Soon we become ash, and time forgets us.

Source: https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/nihilist-dad-jokes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vorschlaghammer
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
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What do mosquitoes use to to catch fish?

Mosquito nets!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/deepBlueCheese
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
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My friend just told me that he makes thousands of dollars selling dog poop.

I said, β€œThat’s gross.”

He said, β€œNo. That’s net.”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
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As a swiss tennis player, do you think Roger Federer is a fan of...

Net neutrality

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrRou
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
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Did you know, the Prime Minister of Israel only has two icons on his desktop?

Net n Yahoo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/megamouth2
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2018
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I dreamed of becoming a professional fisherman

But I found out that I couldn't live on my net income

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TehFuriousKid
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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Jeff Bezos, the founder of Amazon, has become the first person ever to have a net worth over $200 billion.

Thatβ€˜s a really expensive net!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/okkani
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
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I used to be a professional fisherman

Then discovered I couldn't live on my net income

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
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Fisherman

Are always trying to turn a net profit.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wmyspr
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
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Why are the fish afraid of basketball

They're afraid of the net

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_boyyi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
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