A list of puns related to "Net D"
My son made this up and I've never been more proud!
But discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.
Son: Dad...we need a net.
Me: Why?
Son: To catch our flight.
WORKING ON A JOB
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned I just couldnβt concentrate. . Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldnβt hack it, so they gave me the axe. . After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasnβt suited for it. The job was only so-so anyhow. . Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was exhausting. . I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldnβt cut it. . I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldnβt cut the mustard. . My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasnβt note worthy. . I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didnβt have any patience. . Next was a job in a shoe factory; but it just wasnβt the right fit. . I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldnβt live on my net income. . I thought about becoming a witch, so I tried that for a spell. . I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining. . After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a historian, until I realized there was no future in it. . My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit, because it was always the same old grind.
She Mrs. the net!
I paid off all my debt so now my net worth is $0 :D
That's one expensive net
We went past a Garbodor and I told my Dad, βHey itβs a Garbodor!β He then says βI donβt like it. That PokΓ©mon is trash.β
But his Net income always put me off.
He said, βI donβt discuss my .....net worth.β
I guess you could say it was a net gain
Based on a true story
If you cut a hole in a net, the net has less holes
Me : No net work.
(the joke is on me)
Idk if this fits this sub, but I'm planning a Halloween costume and just need a punny name for it.
I'm going to wear timberland boots, camo cargo pants, an olive/brown/green/earth t-shirt, aviator sunglasses, and get a beer bandolier.
I need a solider/army/military + beer/alcohol/drinking pun to name the costume. Any suggestions?
They are all free speech!
https://www.battleforthenet.com/
Stop the FCC from removing net neutrality!
[and posted a picture of him and his bike on a rest day.] (https://i.imgur.com/IapqomG.png)
Edit: Whoa this is getting popular. I live on the other side of the world, and am about to go to bed, but I am just going to put his [donation page] (http://ccf.convio.net/site/TR?px=3433802&fr_id=1580&pg=personal) at the top of the post if anyone is interested. It is no big deal, but if someone is looking, I thought I'd put it at the top. Either way, you all are going to make his day when I show him how many people appreciated his joke. I just hope this doesn't mean that I have to laugh at all of them from now on...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
...so he called in his court wizard to devise a means of defense. The wizard set to work at once. First, he wove a net, tightly so that nothing could escape. Then he traveled to the nearby lake.
For three days, he went to the edge of a dock, and cast his net into the water. Each time, he collected many small fish, until he had gathered thousands.
He then took the fish to his study, and carefully processed them, crushing them into a sticky paste. Warming the paste, he began to lather it across the walls of the maze.
When the king learned of this, he was very angry.
"How dare you cover my walls with fish paste!" he said.
The wizard replied, "But sire, everyone knows to protect a labyrinth, one must use a minnow tar."
Here's a mirror.
I said is this net working?
He said no its fishing
Because they were afraid of the net.
The way heβd cast a net.
Net newt rally tea
This is disconcerting news.
But seriously:
I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.
(Source - net)
EDIT: I am now closing applications and will make a decision in the next day or so. Thank you to everybody who applied - the general enthusiasm and support is wonderful to see.
( as this is a self post, I receive no karma - however I would appreciate it if you upvoted purely for visibility <3 )
Hey everybody,
The /r/dadjokes community is now over 85,000 subscribers strong. That's pretty great. Pretty super great.
Thus far, over the entire existence of this sub, I have been the only mod. Quietly watching, taking your feedback, removing a post here, approving another there - doing my best not to interfere too much. I'm going to be honest, it hasn't been that hard.
You lot are generally a pretty nice bunch, give or take a few of the more vocal lunatics. There isn't usually a lot of work to be done, or issues that need resolving.
That said, I'm not awake all the time. I can't lurk on Reddit all the time. I don't have all-seeing eyes.
So it's about time I gave another pair of eyes moderator status and entrusted those eyes with a duty of care.
Let's get down to the chase; here's what I'm looking for in an additional mod:
Here's what I am not looking for:
If you wish to apply for the title and duty of being a moderator to /r/dadjokes, simply state your case (why you should be selected, what benefits or experience you bring, etc) in a comment reply to this thread. I will then get in touch with the most worthy seeming applicants. Upvotes and downvites will not be taken int
... keep reading on reddit β‘sister: wish I was there with you
Dad: catch a plane
sister: I don't have a big enough net
He made a good bit from selling the fish, but unfortunately it was a net loss.
First name is Claire, last name Nets and her middle name starts with I, i don't know her middle name.
It's Claire I. Nets
The lawnmower, he gets grass income while the fisherman gets net income
https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/nihilist-dad-jokes-part-2
Why did the scarecrow win a prize? Because he stood alone in his field! He stood there for years, rotting, until he was forgotten.
I tell my kids, youβre allowed to watch the TV all you wantβ¦ Just donβt turn it on! This way they will begin to understand the futility of all things.
How does a penguin build a house? Igloos it together. Like all animals, it is an automaton, driven by blind genetic imperative, marching slowly to oblivion.
Why donβt skeletons go trick or treating? They have no body to go with them! The skeletons are like us: alone, empty, dead already.
I donβt really like playing soccer. I just do it for kicks! Like all of humanity, I pretend to enjoy things, and others pretend to care about my charade.
You hear about the moon restaurant? Good food, no atmosphere! If you eat there, you forfeit your life, which would make no difference to the universe as a whole.
Why did the blonde focus on an orange juice container? It said concentrate! She realized that societyβs depictions of her were like the juice: formulaic, insipid, fake.
My wife told me to put the cat out. I didnβt know it was on fire! By the time I could act, it was incinerated, a harbinger of the path we all must take.
How come the invisible man wasnβt offered a job? They just couldnβt see him doing it! This man stands for all of us: unseen, misunderstood, irrelevant.
Today I gave away my old batteriesβ¦ Free of charge! No one wanted them, so I became angry and threw them in the yard. The battery acid now leaks into the soil, killing a colony of ants. A sparrow eats their bodies and is poisoned. Somewhere in the Serengeti, a lion devours his rivalβs cubs. Then the lion is shot by a poacher and sold to an unloved rich man whose father was an unloved rich man. In five billion years, the Sun will become a bloated giant, boiling the oceans and consuming our pointless cruelties with flames. I wake sweat-drenched and screaming, staring at the visage of a faceless god. βWHAT HAVE I DONE?! HOW COULD I BRING A CHILD INTO THIS WORLD!?β But this god, like all gods, is nothingβjust my sonβs Wilson baseball mitt, sitting on my dresser, mocking me.
Will February March? No, but April May! Soon we become ash, and time forgets us.
Source: https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/nihilist-dad-jokes
Mosquito nets!
I said, βThatβs gross.β
He said, βNo. Thatβs net.β
Net neutrality
Net n Yahoo.
But I found out that I couldn't live on my net income
Thatβs a really expensive net!
Then discovered I couldn't live on my net income
Are always trying to turn a net profit.
They're afraid of the net
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