What did the naked minstrel call his latest song?

A nudity!

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
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What do you call naked poodles?

Noodles.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/discofox57
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
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I ended my call to my friend saying "I hope you come naked!"...

Clearly taken back, he said, "WHAT DID YOU SAY??"

I replied "I said 'I hope you can make it'"

Real talk, I do this all the time. What are some other similar phrases I can say to people!? :D

πŸ‘︎ 171
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mxracer888
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2016
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What do you call a naked mexican ?

Andres

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Marcustheeleventh
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
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What do you call a country full of naked, alcohol drinking bears who sleep in winter and live on a mountain?

Hibearnation

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πŸ‘€︎ u/edtdir
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2017
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A man called 911 after his 76 year old mother wandered out of the family home during the night. When asked what she had been wearing and if she had any personally identifying features about her, he advised she was barefoot, half naked and had a visible scar from her hysterectomy.

The dispatcher replied, β€œSo... no shirt, no shoes, no cervix?”

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
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I always knock on the fridge before I open it

Just in case there’s a salad dressing

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oasishippie
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
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Is it called the β€œNaked Eye” because its open and not clothed?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrundleGoochler
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2018
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My missus asked Siri. "Surely it's not going to rain today?"

Siri said "Yes it will rain, and don't call me Shirley". I think she forgot to take her phone off Airplane mode.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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Siri kept calling me Shirley this morning. I was starting to get really pissed off, and then I realized why...

I left my phone in Airplane mode

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
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Cop 1: This seems racially motivated.

Cop 2: Hate crime?

Cop 1: Of course I hate crime, moron. That’s why I’m a cop.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2018
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Sudden Urge to get Naked

(x-post from /r/TalesFromRetail)
[was told I should post it here as well]

This happened shortly after I started back to work in retail.

My grocery shift had just started and I was about to begin facing one end of an aisle when I spotted a man in his mid to late 30s at the other end of the aisle. We made eye contact and he made a beeline straight for me.

Me: "Hi. How are you today?"
Him: "Do you know what to do if you get a sudden urge to strip off all your clothes and run around naked in public?"

Now, at this moment, I'm not sure what's happening. I can't pick up any clues from his body language that would indicate where this conversation is going to go. I'm a wee bit concerned that this man is about to start taking off his clothes in front of me. Not exactly what I had planned for the day. He's staring at me intently, waiting for a reply. I don't want to spook him, so I do the only thing I can think of and that's just to stand there and stare at him silently.

After a few seconds, he says to me "Just spray yourself down with Windex. It prevents streaking. Have a nice day!"

He grins and walks away. I started laughing (a little too hysterically ... mostly because of relief).

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/unicorn_brew
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2014
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Dadjoked my dad

A bit of back story is need: My dad has got a big need to put inedible things in our food for taste (not actually inedible, just taste awful) which is bad for me as I don't really want to pick through my food to find all of the inedible parts to ensure I don't have an awful taste in my mouth.

Anyway, my dad was cooking an oriental dish and called from the kitchen, "UpsideDownie, no cloves!" I called back "I'm not eating naked, that's weird."
I chuckled, he chuckled. And then later in the meal I had a mouthful of lime peel... He wins.

πŸ‘︎ 90
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πŸ‘€︎ u/upsidedownie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2014
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The Greatest Infidelity Joke My Grandfather Ever Told Me.

Recently, Joe has been under the slight suspicion that his wife is cheating on him. So, one day he comes home early from work, to his crap-shoot apartment on the eighth floor, and hears her scurrying around when he enters. Almost as if there's another person in the house. When he calls out her name she hollers back that she just ran into the shower. So he investigates the bedroom and encounters a shocking surprise... a pair of hands dangling from the other side of the window sill! Those of a grown man, hanging on for dear life. Infuriated at the sight of the man who's sleeping with his wife, Joe takes the bedside lamp and starts bashing the guy's fingers until he falls eight stories onto the sidewalk. Only he's still alive, writhing and broken. So Joe hauls the refrigerator from the kitchen out the window, sending it down onto the poor sucker, killing him instantly. Now the hysteria of the moment induces a fatal heart attack and Joe himself, dies. So now, as he's up at the pearly gates, St. Peter is telling all the incoming souls that in order to gain access into heaven, they need to provide a solid account of how they died. After hearing Joe's story, St. Peter allows him in. The next man in line says that he was tanning in the sun, drunk, on the roof of his apartment building when he fell off, only to catch hold of a window sill that could have saved his life, until a crazed bastard beat his fingers and threw a refrigerator onto him. St. peter tells him that he's a shoe-in. And when he asks the next guy in line how he ended up deceased, the guy replies, "...So I'm naked in a refrigerator, right?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jazzinassazzin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2015
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