I've lost a lot of weight just by wearing bread on my head.
It's a new loaf hat diet I'm trying.
My 8yo just came up to me with a bunch of twigs on his head and said
"My hair is very sticky."
I couldn't be prouder.
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.
I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
Some people shave their heads for charity, but I decided instead to comb my hair in two opposite directions.
I’m just trying to do my part.
I'm an expert in French history. Just off the top of my head I can name 16 of France's kings.
My long past criminally psychopathic grandfather’s favourite joke: What do you get if you cut a policeman’s head into four pieces?
“Doctor, help me! I’m in constant pain! Everywhere I touch hurts. I touch my head…ow!!…I touch my arm…ow!!…I touch my leg….ow!!…I touch my stomach…ow!!…it hurts!!”
“Sir, you have a broken finger”
A book just fell on my head
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
Someone I knew told me she thinks white rice is better than brown rice. I shook my head in disappointment.
My 5yo off the top of her head: Why did the Lego cross the road?
To get to the other block.
(a tear was shed)
Sometimes I like to kneel on the floor, tuck my head into my chest, and lean forward.
You might not like it, but that's just how I roll.
My wife just asked me to return a mirror next time I head to Lowes.
I responded, “Sure, that’s something I could see myself doing.”
Sick of hitting my head on door frames
Lilliput is not all it's cracked up to be.
As the doctor cauterized my vasectomy incision, only one thought filled my head:
I smell delicious!
(This is a quote from me on the surgery table. Valium may have been involved.)
A whole lot of books just fell on my head.
I have only my shelf to blame.
Sometimes, when I sit on the floor, I pull my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around them. Then I tuck my head down on top and lean forward.
Yesterday I got the song "Take on Me" stuck in my head for hours but I couldn't remember the band. I finally remembered a few hours later.
It was a real A-ha moment.
Every year for halloween, my wife decorates the house. She always hangs a fake chopped off head from the ceiling. This year I got a shock when I saw it.
She could have given me a head’s up.
My son got a Mr Potato-head Iron Man figurine for Christmas
I took off the helmet and said in my best evil-villain voice, "we meet again Tony Starch"
My daughter wanted to pop a pimple on my bald head, but according to her 'It won't be ready until tomorrow'...
So I told her she needed to think like one of those Californian farmers and harvest it before it's ripe so it'll hold during shipping.
She just gave me the typical teenaged narrow-eyed smirk and said 'What's wrong with you!?'
I love how my head easily supported
It's the neck's best thing.
I tried to do a math problem in my head earlier and got the wrong answer... oh well
It's the thought that counts
My baker is a red head...
...he's a ginger bread-man.
Somebody threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at my head.
It's OK though as my injuries are only super fish oil.
My son asked me today, “why didn’t the head go to prom?”
Me: “why?”
Son: “Because he had noBODY to dance with”
He’s ten and says he came up with it on his own. I’m so proud.
When I was young people used to cover me in chocolate and cream and put a cherry on my head.
Life was tough in the gateau.
Before my surgery today, the anesthesiologist asked if I'd like to be knocked out with gas or he could just hit me over the head with a canoe paddle. So I guess it was...
...an ether/oar situation...
I asked my dog what it is like to lay around all day, she shook her head and replied:
People often ask me if I was dropped on my head as a child.
I say, "No. I was dropped on the floor."
As my wife opened the cabinet, a coffee cup crashed on her head
It's awful to see someone you love mugged.
I'd tell you about basements, but I'd be in over my head.
*True Story* Was walking into a local bar for an afternoon of day drinking when I accidentally hit my head on a low hanging tree branch. I told my girlfriend, "That tree just just assaulted me!" She thought she was being witty replied "The tree thinks you assaulted it...."
I turned to her, asked "Do you know what we have here?" removed my sunglasses, "It's a case of he said, tree said."
Here's a joke my daughter just told me, so proud of her! A guy walked into a house when the owners were home. He pulled out a gun and shot them in the head, but no one died. Why not?
Because they were in the living room.
So my daughter is clearing the table and holds her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
I've never been prouder.
My dad said if he see me browsing reddit again, he'll smash my head to the keyboard
I guess hezsjkfowgajqjhsjwkwlsvvcaxxacfasuoc
After a bad diy project, a load of books fell on my head.
I have only my shelf to blame.
My toddler was about to hit her head on a bar at the playground, so I told her to duck and she quacked at me....
I recently lost lots of weight by placing bread on my head.
A book just fell on my head
I’ve only got my shelf to blame
A book just fell on my head
I only have my shelf to blame
A book just fell on my head.
I only have my shelf to blame.
A book just fell on my head.
I only have my shelf to blame.
A book fell on my head the other day.
I only have my shelf to blame though.
So my 95 lb wife just told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. Ha.
I'm not too worried, I think she's only jokinlkjhfakljnm,nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
My wife told me she’ll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.
I’m not too worried, I think she’s jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
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