Laying on the grass...”two tired”...to move
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ithinkhisnameis
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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People ask me why the notepad on my desk never moves

I tell them it’s stationary

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xtaldad
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
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Today morning when I stood on the weighing scale it didn't move at all

I was like 0MG

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πŸ‘€︎ u/oakvard
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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Being a wheelchair user must be wheelie hard to move on especially when someone walks out on you
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πŸ‘€︎ u/imperfectshane
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
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Around the turn of 1900, two Friars move to London to start up a florist shop. Well this didn't sit well with the established florist shop down on the corner.

The other shop owner called his buddy to have someone trash their store. They sent Hugh, big guy like 6'3'' 300pounds. Hugh goes in and busts the store up and scares the Friars off, sending them back to the monastery.

The moral of the story is, Hugh and only Hugh can prevent Florist Friars.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/facts_my_guyy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
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Depending on your golf handicap you can move your tee forwards or backwards

Move it too far forward and it becomes a birdie tee.

Too far back and it becomes a bogey tee

Get it just right?

Now that's a party.

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πŸ“…︎ May 02 2020
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My friend moves on foot with a pompous gait while carrying an airplane wing bracing...

He walks with a strut.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2020
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After years of trying I have decided to give up on my life long dream of becoming a world renowned spaghetti chef. It’s time to move on and stop living in ...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/darlosworld
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
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What do you call an artist who's always on the move?

Vincent Van Go

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kerlandays
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
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My Jalen Hurts Dad jokes based on the Oklahoma move. (For the sports fans)
  1. Huh Oklahoma seems like an OK move for him.
  2. Aw man I hate Oklahoma never thought he would Stoopsolow.
  3. Well I guess the news was going to come out Sooner or later.
  4. Not surprising I heard multiple reports Lincoln him to the Big 12.
  5. I bet Oklahoma fans are Riley happy today.
  6. (The obvious one) this move really Hirts Alabama’s title chances this year.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/coffeegrounds55
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
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We were at the airport and they put us on a bus to move us to a different terminal and my dad yells β€œthis is a funny looking airplane”
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BeeLawn
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
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My friend asked if I would help him move hay on the farm the other day...

I didn’t want to so I bailed

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chaseo2017
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
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"I'm going to move into the outside lane," said my wife, while driving on the motorway.

I said, "Technically, they're all outside lanes."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
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After slamming on my brakes to move a turtle from the road to a nearby body of water I turned to my wife...

... And said 'Honey, he will be e-turtle-y grateful.'

This is a true story, happened today.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AzarVC
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2017
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Why couldn't Ross and Rachel move on?

Because they were on a brake!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zeitbomb
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2017
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What does a pirate use to move about on land?

A carrrr.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/edifyyo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2015
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My pregnant wife and I are preparing for a move to a new city and she has been taping up boxes and placing them on the floor around my desk.

I told her that she is really boxing me in. Can't wait until these dad jokes become official.

http://i.imgur.com/np9XSde.jpg

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πŸ‘€︎ u/voncasec
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2014
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