One might say we were... in sink
I told her yes, every month i run out of money.
I said, “Google Walk”
No one laughed.
Why did the pharaoh refuse to admit he let a pyramid fall on his mother in law?
He was denial at the time.
People call her Iris.
Letter B
Nothing, he was gladiator.
I try to cheer her up with loads of chocolates and flowers .
Lipstick
She didn’t razor right.
Being a sniper is so much fun
The law
I told her it’s so he can cut corners
"Just like her mother."
My MiL received this unsolicited fax at her office. My wife suggested she should fax something clever back. She delivered.
So the hardest part is it has to be uplifting/cute like all the other mothers day cards, can't just be a simple jail/robber pun.
So far I got:
You're ex-cell-ent mom!
I'd break into a maximom security prison for you!
Hope your mothers day is on point! (with a diagram of a shank)
^((But they're kind of trash))
Ideas from others:
Most people have a mother-in-law but I get to have a mother-outlaw! u/tcbst15
I had to fight my wife and two doctors to do it.
I said, “Fetus, Hand-us, Leg-us, There’s practically a whole baby in there!”
a week on each hill.
She replied, "my name is Anna!"
I said, "Yes! Yes I know "
Wife yells: Hey, aren't you going to help??
Me: No, six should be enough
Both being from Texas, the MIL wanted something BIG and fancy. And the BTB wanted more of a traditional outdoors gathering. They couldn't even agree on what to serve their guests for dinner. As the date approached, they were barely speaking to each other.
In the end, it was a chili reception.
We were in an airplane.
Loving my new sniper rifle.
My young daughter is still learning to microwave food. She attempted to reheat some of her food last night, but left the fork in the bowl. The wife caught it and pointed out that it could cause the microwave to explode and potentially hit grandma who was sitting with her back to the microwave.
Wife (to daughter): "You wouldn't want Grandmom to get hit by glass shrapnel and a fork would you?"
Me (interjecting): "Well, at least then I would have a reason to say your Mom is really forked in the head."
The MIL nearly choked on her food, but laughed and could appreciate the joke. She know she cray cray.
It’s a counter reformation.
I said "at least it wasn't a General of Corn". No one laughed except me.
She still refuses to plug-in the chair I bought for her last year.
I thought it was a very nice plot.
I don't think she likes me — I drive a cement mixer.
With the terrorist you can negotiate
Completely worth it, if you ask me.
She asked how much it was. I said "Don't worry, it was dirt cheap."
I can’t afford a car stereo but I still have a woofer, a tweeter and a loud-speaker.
Driving down the street, see sign that says "Yukon Rd closed, take detour." Mother in law in backseat says "aahh, Yukon't drive there."
Groaning intensifies....
It clearly has maltipoo personality disorder.
You get "woman Hitler"
She ended up saying 'fundled'. Wife asked "what is fundled?"
I said, "it's the type of harassment you can't get sued for."
My son was talking to my father in law when they yell "we are getting hit by mokitos!" (Mosquitos)
I yelled back "mojitos? Where!!?!"
My wife tells "we got mojitos up in here"
And my mother in law, not joking, says. "I hear they can carry limes disease"
I said "It's a good job to stick with... Just making a point..."
Me: Then you'll have a faux-knee (phony).
My wife and mother in law were washing some dishes in the kitchen after a get together. I came in to get a drink and noticed a box of crackers on the counter where they were standing...
Me: What do those crackers do?
Mother in Law: What do you mean?
Me: Just curious to know what those crackers do. That is all.
MiL: Those were for the cheese that i bought. Did you want some more cheese and crackers? I have some left in the fridge.
Wife: Mom. They say "entertainment" crackers.
My wife started to laugh since i got her mom. Mother in law tried to play it off.
My nephew was playing with his Mr. Potatohead and he throws his body parts about the room (he's 2)
Her: Looks like Mr. Potatohead became a suicide bomber.
Me: I know his last words.
Her: What?
Me: Au gratin ackbar.
I'll be here all week
We were cleaning up and making sure all the toys were accounted for when I noticed the "L" block was missing from the pile.
Me: Anyone see the L block anywhere?
Husband and mother-in-law, after looking around a bit: No.
Me: I guess it got the "L" out of here.
Mother-in-law rolled her eyes and smirked. Husband left the room grumbling about me spending too much time in /r dadjokes.
Well if I wasn't it would be a bad joke.
