My mother-in-law always wanted to visit the Valley of a Thousand Hills, so I've booked her trip -

a week on each hill.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
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We came back from the ultrasound, and my mother in law said, β€œDid you get to see the fetus?”

I said, β€œFetus, Hand-us, Leg-us, There’s practically a whole baby in there!”

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
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Which dad had the best mother-in-law?

Adam

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RCRadioCarbon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
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"Diana!" I said, greeting my mother-in-law as she walked through the door....

She replied, "my name is Anna!"

I said, "Yes! Yes I know "

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/warshadow
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
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So, I was walking with my wife on the street, and we saw 6 six guys beating up my mother-in-law

Wife yells: Hey, aren't you going to help??

Me: No, six should be enough

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/london710
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
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The bride-to-be and her soon-to-be mother-in-law didn't agree on much during the wedding planning

Both being from Texas, the MIL wanted something BIG and fancy. And the BTB wanted more of a traditional outdoors gathering. They couldn't even agree on what to serve their guests for dinner. As the date approached, they were barely speaking to each other.

In the end, it was a chili reception.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Possum
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2017
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My mother-in-law was having dinner with us, and began coughing while eating her corn on the cob. She said, "I'm choking on a kernel of corn".

I said "at least it wasn't a General of Corn". No one laughed except me.

πŸ‘︎ 103
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hornwalker
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2016
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What’s the difference between terrorist and mother in law?

With the terrorist you can negotiate

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yubimarcano
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2018
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I took my dog, my txt-addict daughter and my mother-in-law in the car yesterday.

I can’t afford a car stereo but I still have a woofer, a tweeter and a loud-speaker.

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2017
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Out to dinner, mother in law tried to say 'fondled' and 'fumbled' at the same time.

She ended up saying 'fundled'. Wife asked "what is fundled?"

I said, "it's the type of harassment you can't get sued for."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/accountnumber3
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2017
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If you rearrange the letters in "Mother in Law"

You get "woman Hitler"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jimmy__Thunder
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2016
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Riding in the car, my mother-in-law tells us she used to work at a tack factory

I said "It's a good job to stick with... Just making a point..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tarbogman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2016
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Bringing my kids home after a trip to the beach, I asked how their trip was. My mother-in-law said "it was really windy, which sucked."

I replied "really? I would have thought it blew."

She didn't get it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/plsdntanxiety
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2013
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I think about this way too much but I think it's comedy gold!

Mother in law to sister in law: why aren't you in pennsylvania this week

Me: because she's here at the table with us

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dunnitt625
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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Just got back from a pleasure trip.

I took my mother-in-law to the airport

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
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A father was laying on his deathbed...

β€œMary, my wife, are you here with me?” β€œYes, I am, dearest.”

β€œAnd Louise, my mother in law, are you here with me?” β€œYes, I am, Paul, I’m here with you.”

β€œAnd you, children, are you here, Karen and Henry?” β€œYes, yes we are, daddy!” β€œThen how the hell is the living room light left on?!”

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Assfrontation
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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A brother becomes brother in law.

a sister becomes sister in law, a father becomes father in law, a mother becomes mother in law, a daughter and son becomes son and daughter in law, .

But, what does wife become?

Wife becomes the law.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/abx098
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
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A rabbit, a priest, and an elder walk into a blood bank

The rabbit says, "I think I'm type-o."

Technically it's a mom joke since my mother-in-law told me....but I still laughed a lot.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KittyeThePhotog
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
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Dad’s Big Day Out

I witnessed an apple store robbery today, they made me an iWitness. I was already running late, after my wife took my cheese this morning. Even after I told her it was Nacho cheese. She asked what time my dentist appointment was, I told her Tooth hurt-y. But I didn’t end up going, as there was stairs I had to ascend. I don’t trust them, they’re always up to something. Then my wife got really mad at me and said that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right!

I went straight to the barber for a new look. He asked me if I wanted a haircut? I said no, I want them all cut. Puzzled he would ask such a silly question, I noticed the graveyard across the street looking overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there I thought. I picked up a book about anti-gravity. It was impossible to put down! Shear amazement a barber would have a book like this! I told the barber I used to hate facial hair...but then it grew on me. He stopped cutting my hair when my ear fell off. He must of realised I was a leper at this point so I paid for his service and told him to keep the tip.

I received a call from my Eastern European mother in law, apparently my child was refusing to sleep during nap time. She told me he’s guilty of resisting a rest. Then she called me straight back to say there was a kidnapping. I rushed to her home to find my kid napping. I was angry by the miscommunication but that anger turned to joy when I realised it was the first day of spring. I got so excited I wet my plants. After which I realised I was late for soccer practice. I’m not a big fan of the sport but I was doing it for the kicks. I decided not to go as I was tired from the night before where I spent the night looking for the sun. Then it dawned on me. Unusual for me, as I’m usually a pretty good sleeper. I can do it with my eyes closed.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lovethebigones
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
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There's an onion, and he's studying law at a prestigious college. He's in his third year, and after a particularly tough day, he gets an invite from one of his onion-friends to a party they're having that evening.

Being tired and weary, the lawyer-onion isn't sure whether to go, but decides he needs cheering up.

So he dresses smartly, puts on his favorite aftershave and heads over to his friend's.

He gets to the party to find it quite a packed affair and heads over to the bar - fighting through crowds of reveller-onions - to get a drink.

As he gets to the bar, he notices in one corner a slightly out-of-place female onion.

She looks a bit sad and being the compassionate onion that he is, he heads over to talk to her.

This is quickly affirmed as a good move, as they hit it off immediately; she was abandoned by her friends shortly after arriving and had been minding her own business ever since, but over a night of drinks and talking, they quickly fall into an infatuation and soon end up spending an oniony night of passion together.

When they awake in the morning, they don't find it awkward and a steady relationship between the two is struck.

This lasts a good while, having its ups and downs like any college relationship, but eventually the day comes when they both graduate.

The two couldn't be happier!

They both get jobs close to one another and move into an apartment together.

One day, the partner-onion is anxiously awaiting the lawyer-onion at home.

She's been ill all day and checking has confirmed her suspicions.

She tearfully - and joyfully - breaks the news to the lawyer-onion; they're going to have a tiny baby-onion together.

A shallot, if you will.

A few days later, this prompts the lawyer-onion to propose to his heretofore girlfriend-onion.

They are soon wed, having a fantastic wedding-day and husband and wife-onions are on top of the world.

The day comes of the birth and no complications - a tiny, healthy baby onion is born to two proud parents.

Seeing this little bundle of oniony love in their arms causes them to fall deeper in love than ever.

Over the next few years, husband-and-wife-onions' lives are fantastic.

He's prospering at work, she's really enjoying taking some time to raise the baby-onion and over time the baby-onion grows into a hale and hearty toddler-onion, who then becomes a child-onion.

One day, the idyll of the onions' lives is shattered when tragedy strikes.

The lawyer-onion (now a partner-onion in a prestigious law firm due to chance and hard work) is at work, and mother-onion is washing dishes and watching her child play in the yard.

She glances away to take another plate and turns her vision back to

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
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Mother-in-law is in Prison. Need a good prison pun for Mothers Day Card.

So the hardest part is it has to be uplifting/cute like all the other mothers day cards, can't just be a simple jail/robber pun.

So far I got:

You're ex-cell-ent mom!

I'd break into a maximom security prison for you!

Hope your mothers day is on point! (with a diagram of a shank)

^((But they're kind of trash))

Ideas from others:

Most people have a mother-in-law but I get to have a mother-outlaw! u/tcbst15

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vitamorior
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
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My wife just got me :)

So we were sitting at at the table having hotdogs for dinner. My mother-in-law and I then both went to ask my daughter for something at the same time, me for the sauce and the MIL for my daughters glasses so she can clean them. Then we ended up taking turns asking

My MIL then commented that it was good that we didn't ask at the same time otherwise she would be cleaning the bottle and I would be trying to put glasses on the hot dog.

My wife then turned to me and said "Then it would be a Seeing Eye Dog!" And promptly burst out laughing.

This was made all the more special, since my wife is only now just coming out of a 5 year melancholic depression. Yay!

EDIT: Changed wording to make it clearer. Thank you very much from both myself and my wife for all your positive thoughts. :)

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yberry
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2015
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Going to be a dad officially in a month... I think the change is happening.

Went to visit the in-laws, and as soon as we walk in the door

Mother-in-law: So, JustAPaddy, what are you upto?

Me: Oh, about 6'1"

My father-in-law laughed hard and pats me on the shoulder, we are the only two that laughed... my wife and MIL groaned

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JustAPaddy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2014
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T-Shirt gag for JoKing

Hey Have mother in laws 50th birthday coming up. We are getting T-Shirts made up and we want to have T-Shirts made up for the guests and one made up for the mother in law. Her name is Jo King.

We are having thoughts on

She is turning 50? You gotta be JoKing for the guest T-Shirt

I’m Jo King and I’m turning 50 for the mother in law shirt.

Any better ideas then this?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scolsey22
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
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The spice of life.

My mother-in-law was visiting and my wife was showing off her new spice rack. I picked up the thyme and handed it to her. I immediately asked for it back. But then I gave it to her again. And asked for it back.

She looked at me very puzzled and asked "What are we doing?

I replied" Just passing Thyme."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CurtP31477
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
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Dad joke orbital strike from yesterday.

Christmas dinner, 2013. My mother in law is asked if she'd like some wine, is offered choices, Pinot Grigio, Mulled Apple or Cabernet. She's indecisive for a minute or so. Eventually, she settles on the apple wine. Her father comments, "well that sure took a long time."

I retorted with, "Well, she had to mull it over for a bit."

Simultaneously, 4 generations of women roll their eyes at me, while the guys all laugh.

πŸ‘︎ 276
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πŸ‘€︎ u/microseconds
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2013
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A symphony of groan.

At the dinner table.

Mother in law: "...he has recently had two surgeries to fuse his lower vertebrae, his recovery has been quite slow"

Me: "Well I would expect nothing less after having back to back operations."

after about 4 seconds people started leaving the table.

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mactonite
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2014
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Repartee with father-in-law

My father-in-law is good at puns and dad jokes, and we usually just groan. However, the other day he and I had this exchange:


FIL: I'm disappointed in this sub.

Me: Would you say that it's sub par?

FIL: The lack of meatballs really torpedoed it.

Me: It would take a real hero to save it.

FIL: My buddy Hoagie, he could do it.

Me: yeah, he's a real grinder.

FIL and me: [fistbump]


Literally the first time he and I fistbumped. My wife and mother-in-law both facepalmed.

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/edgesmash
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2014
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[request] cookbook/Christmas pun

Got a cookbook for my mother in law for Christmas. It hasn't come in the mail yet so we're printing out a picture of it and wanted to include pun on it, but husband and I are failing miserably. Help?

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/merrma
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2016
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A play on words

Play on words: Sexually frustrated sea mammals

     I'm Russ Whale. My wife Bayleen a few months ago gave birth to our first calf, Humphrey. I convinced my mother-in-law to whale watch tonight. It's been far too long. I drop off Humphrey and head home to hook up with the wife. 

I arrive and who do I sealion there? The wife. I'm undeterred. I try my patented move, the Humpback. I get a slight groan.

Bayleen: Rus, Are you poking me in the back again?

Rus: It's on porpoise. We're alone for the first time in forever.

Bayleen: I'm so tired, I haven't got any sleep with Humphrey making me into a nurse shark. Plus you smell like ambergris.

Rus: Hamburgers?

Bayleen: Yes, hamburgers. Please go take a shower or something.

Rus: Ok.

Rus takes a quick shower and returns. Bayleen is asleep again. Rus tries the humpback maneuver again. Nothing.

Rus: Sometimes... I wish I was a sperm whale.

Rus is slightly blubbering and and all you can make outs is odd noises and maybe the word 'blowhole'. Rus cries himself to sleep.

Fin.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dyspaereunia
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2016
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Father in law on fire this Sunday afternoon

Doing a crossword with my father in law and mother in law. He told me that he completed The Times crossword (which is apparently one of the hardest crosswords) the other day all except one clue. Mother in law says "go on then darling tell me the clue I bet I'll work it out" He says the clue is "heavily laden postman" She says "how many letters" He says "hundreds and hundreds I should think" Dead

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/megpuss21
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2016
🚨︎ report
Wife asked for a little Sprite.

My wife was face timing her parents with the toddler and asked me for a "little sprite to drink".

Not wanting to pass up the opportunity, I filled a demitasse cup and proceeded to hand it to her. Walking away with my subtle triumph I hear my mother in law say "I don't think that's what she asked for," and my father in law telling her it probably was a little sprite.

The rest of my wife's conversation had more mouthed "vacuums" (I presume) then normal.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Patrae
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2015
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The meta dad joke

My college roommate's dad had a brilliant way of taking well-known jokes and butchering the punchlines. Could be fun when your kids are slightly older. A couple memorable examples:

  • A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel sticking out of his pants. The bartender pours him a beer, and remarks that the wheel looks uncomfortable. The pirate replies, "Yar! It's steering me balls."
  • Two cannibals are having dinner. The first one says "my mother-in-law tastes awful." The other replies "then have some more potatoes."
  • How do you make a salad wrap? Just add drums!
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/penguinland
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2016
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My in-laws were building some shelves

Father-in-law: Check out the cantilever shelves we're working on.

Me: Nice! Those remind me of your daughter.

Mother-in-law: What!? Why?

Me: Well, now that we're married, I can't-a-leave-her.

Wife: Please don't laugh at that...

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fizzlebeef
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2016
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Summer grilling

On my way out to the backyard grill...

Mother-in-law: What did you say?

Me: I said I almost forgot the lighter.

MIL: Oh, I thought you said you needed the ladder.

Me: That's right, I need the ladder. Because the steaks have never been higher.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AVeryCredibleHulk
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2016
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Dadjoked by mother in law

Driving down the street, see sign that says "Yukon Rd closed, take detour." Mother in law in backseat says "aahh, Yukon't drive there."

Groaning intensifies....

πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boj3143
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2014
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Taco Bell conversations are fun

The wife and I had her mother over whilst eating dinner, a la Taco Bell.

After trying some of our daughter's food, my wife insists that it is way spicier than she expected, and proceeds to tell my mother in law she has to try it - Saying "I think it's spicy nacho sauce."

After a moment or so, I piped up "I wouldn't know, it isn't my sauce." and put on my best I made a pun face.

MIL loses it, and my wife looks confused for a few seconds and goes to offer me a taste before the groaning ensued. Victory!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/V13Axel
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2016
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Pleasurable Father's Day

Sitting at the table for Father's Day, my 16 year old daughter decided to be grand in her wishing me a happy father's day.

"Dad, thank you for siring me."

"You're welcome, but, the pleasure was all mine."

My mother in law glared. Everyone else laughed.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AK_Pastor
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2015
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Dad Joked at Church

I was at my in laws this weekend, and for mother's day my MIL wanted us to go to church with her. I'm not religious, but fine, whatever you want. The problem is that neither my wife or I brought "church clothes," with us for the visit. It was unexpected.

So we're sitting in the church and my wife is talking to her dad.

"Dad, I'm just happy I have a pair of jeans that aren't all ripped up! I didn't plan on this at all!"

"Oh, hunny, don't worry. Any pair of pants would have been holy once you walked in."

Massive grin. Then back to serious, because Jesus, I guess.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/soomuchcoffee
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2014
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Classic dad joke at dinner tonight

At dinner with wife and parents-in-law.

Mother-in-law to waitress: I'll have the half slab of ribs

Waitress: Okay

Father-in-law to waitress: You didn't ask which half she wanted!

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wtrebella
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2013
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Wife hated it

Was talking with my step-mother-in-law. She said "The kids are being quiet. They must be misbehaving." I followed with "That's sound logic..." I thought it was hilarious and she laughed once but my wife just thought it was stupid.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/milhouse728
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2013
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She should have seen it coming

Mother in law had a copy of Charles Dickens great expectations on the coffee table and i saw an opportunity i couldn't pass up.

I got my wife's attention and heaved a sigh.

Wife: "what's wrong? "

Me: pointing to the book "it was such a letdown"

Wife: "how so? "

Me: "well, when i first picked it up i had great expectations..."

Wife : groan/laugh "i should have seen that coming"

This wasn't the first dad joke I'd made today but one in a long line of them. i had also said this a few minutes previous to her best friend who caught the joke before i finished and did nothing but loudly sigh and groan. This is what first caught my wife's attention.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dokpsy
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2015
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Got my husband and mother-in-law while cleaning up toys

We were cleaning up and making sure all the toys were accounted for when I noticed the "L" block was missing from the pile.

Me: Anyone see the L block anywhere?

Husband and mother-in-law, after looking around a bit: No.

Me: I guess it got the "L" out of here.

Mother-in-law rolled her eyes and smirked. Husband left the room grumbling about me spending too much time in /r dadjokes.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nepher_blue
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2015
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Late night Father's Day joke.

Today was my first Father's day and as we were cleaning up from the little party for all the dad's in my family, I couldn't help myself.

Wife and mother-in-law: "how do you feel?"
Me: "normally with my fingers."

They just rolled their eyes while I could hear chuckling from my dad and grandpa in the other room.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KyBourbon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2015
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Got my Mother-in-Law. My wife not so much.

My wife and mother in law were washing some dishes in the kitchen after a get together. I came in to get a drink and noticed a box of crackers on the counter where they were standing...

Me: What do those crackers do?

Mother in Law: What do you mean?

Me: Just curious to know what those crackers do. That is all.

MiL: Those were for the cheese that i bought. Did you want some more cheese and crackers? I have some left in the fridge.

Wife: Mom. They say "entertainment" crackers.

My wife started to laugh since i got her mom. Mother in law tried to play it off.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stang1776
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2014
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Got my in-laws with this one.

We were sitting at the dinner table tonight celebrating my father-in-law's (FIL) 66th birthday. My mother-in-law (MIL) made his favorite dinner: meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and creamed corn, but since I hate creamed corn they also made peas.

It happened that everyone at the table except for my MIL took peas, and she decided to comment.

MIL: "Wow, I see just about everyone took peas and not creamed corn!"

FIL: "I took a little bit of both."

Me: "Thank you for giving peas a chance."

My wife sighed and I think it went over MIL's head, but FIL and I exchanged knowing dad glances. Today, I am a dad.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Funkmaster
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2014
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