Why aren't high school twins afraid of getting mono?

Because they get stereo instead!

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👤︎ u/Siigari
📅︎ Oct 02 2020
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Mono Lisa
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👤︎ u/edtdir
📅︎ Nov 15 2017
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Talking about Mono

My mom, my brother, and a friend were all talking about how this one mutual friend of ours has mono.

Mom: Yeah, she has mono. The unfortunate thing is there's not much you can do about mono.

Me: She could always switch to Stereo.

The looks I got were life threatening. It was great.

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📅︎ Mar 16 2014
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I thought I had Mono

I was worried about catching mono. My Dad told me not to worry so much about catching Mono. What I really should have been worried about was Stereo.

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👤︎ u/Terrorismo
📅︎ Nov 06 2013
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When no one is around, I would loudly describe the process of cutting down a single tree.

It is just a mono-log.

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👤︎ u/Sodrohu
📅︎ Feb 11 2021
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I got sick when I lost one of my ear buds.

It was mono.

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👤︎ u/Sir_Pluses
📅︎ May 27 2020
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How does a tree express its feelings on a stage?

Through a mono-log.

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👤︎ u/axeteam
📅︎ May 29 2018
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How do you call two people with mononucleosis fighting each other?

Mono a mono

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📅︎ May 01 2019
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Did you hear the one about the two fighting speakers?

They went at it mono a mono

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👤︎ u/hhbhagat
📅︎ Mar 11 2018
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Pulled this one off while talking to the kids over supper

My son told me that one of his friends was back at school today. I asked him where he had been and he told me he had mono but that it was really bad so it was really worse than mono. I replied with, good thing he didn't get stereo then. Blank stares all around...

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👤︎ u/balltongu
📅︎ Sep 18 2014
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My dad texts me jokes about once a week. Here are about 30 of my favorites.
  • What's the difference between mononucleosis and herpes? You get mono from snatching kisses.

  • If you were to lose your left arm, you'd be all right.

  • Why can't you hear a pteradactyl going to the bathroom? Because the P is silent.

  • Communists only write in lower-case letters because they hate capitalism.

  • I got a new job at the police sketching pictures of suspects. I'm a con artist.

  • Cat Woman's real name is Catherine Woman.

  • I have a new cat joke. ...Just kitt'en.

  • How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for Fresh Prints. *

  • Did you hear about the two men who stole a calendar? They got six months each.

  • I just saw an Apple store get robbed. Does that make me an iWitness?

  • Dwarfs and midgets have very little in common.

  • I'm moving to Seoul. I was told it would be a good Korea move.

  • Did you hear about the professor who was killed in a car accident? He was grading papers on a curve.

  • Why isn't an iPhone charger called Apple Juice?

  • Ever try to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.

  • When Peter Pan throws punches, they Never Land.

  • I was struggling to understand how lightning works, but then it struck me.

  • Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time, too.

  • Apparently Neil Armstrong used to tell unfunny jokes about the moon, and then follow up with, "Ah, I guess you had to be there."

  • I'm going to make a TV series about a plane hijacking. We just shot the pilot.

  • Would you call a drunk working at an upholstery a recovering alcoholic?

  • Yesterday I got covered in ketchup from my head tomatoes.

  • Even though I've gone bald, I still keep the same comb I've had for 20 years. I just can't part with it.

  • Picture of my sister after getting her nose pierced "She nose something!"

  • I went to the dentist and showed him my cavity. He told me to pull up my pants and get the hell out.

  • Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It was okay - he woke up.

  • So what if I can't spell armageddon. It's not the end of the world.

  • When you get an infection, urine trouble.

  • "Hey waiter! This coffee tastes like mud!" "Yes, sir; it's fresh ground."

  • How did the butcher introduce his wife? "Meat Patty."

  • Elton John is a great piano player, but he sucks on the organ.

  • Elton John wrote a tribute to Amy Winehouse: Candle Under the Spoon *

  • What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan? Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke. *

*My absolut

... keep reading on reddit ➡

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📅︎ Sep 09 2014
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Dad dropped this gem on my brother and I

Me: Hey, you hear that Robby got mono recently? Bro: Yeah, pretty messed up huh? Dad: I don't know guys, he might have stereo.

I got up and left the room

👍︎ 117
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📅︎ Sep 19 2013
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I think I'm going to make a great dad

First off: I've had mono for the past couple weeks and my girlfriends been giving me shit for it and constantly cracking jokes about it.

So, I was laying in bed with her the other day and gave her a kiss on the nose and yelled,"Ha! Now you have monose!"

While probably not the greatest play on words, the cringing face and sigh she let out was all I needed to reassure me that there is potential for me yet.

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📅︎ Sep 09 2015
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