If I’m a millionth of myself what am I?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElZoof
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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What noise does a millionth of a cow make?

ΞΌ

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElZoof
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
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For approximately the millionth time...

Mom: Boy, the wind is really picking up out there! Dad: Picking up what? Houses? Small children?

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bundleofschtick
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2014
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I like Tron quite a bit, but I like Megatron a million times more.
πŸ‘︎ 118
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sutarmekeg
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2017
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New weights and measures
  1. The ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong7. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling8. Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon9. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz10. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower11. Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line12. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake13. 1 million-million microphones = 1 megaphone14. 2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles15. 365.25 days = 1 unicycle16. 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds17. 52 cards = 1 decacards18. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 FigNewton19. 1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen20. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche21. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin22. 10 rations = 1 decoration23. 100 rations = 1 C-ration24. 2 monograms = 1 diagram25. 4 nickels = 2 paradigms26. 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 IV League27. 100 Senators = Not 1 decision
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
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Hi Hungry! I'm Dad.

Dropped this nugget on my 9 year old for the millionth time in the car. 20 minute drive home from baseball practice . Today, he turned the tables. "Hi Driving, I'm Son. Hi Frowning, I'm Son. Hi Grimacing, I'm Son. Hi Twitching, I'm Son." So proud right now. #dadwin

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hansbachman
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2019
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Dad joked my gf at a chineese restaurant today.

Our very hot Wonton soup was served to us and we both recoiled at the first sip because it nearly burned our mouths.

Gf: This soup is really hot.

Me ::wicked smile:: Would you say it was Soup-er hot?

Groans were had and for the fifty millionth time, she threatened to leave me with a smile on her face.

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sarge-Pepper
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2014
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Flat tyre

Dad just cracked this one out (for the millionth time) so I thought I would share the wealth!

Walking past a car I point out it has a flat tyre. Dad just turns and says "It's alright, it's only flat at the bottom."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aleran13
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2014
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Every time someone makes a cup of tea in my house

"I'll put the kettle on"

"It won't suit you!"

As funny the millionth time as it was the first.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/egg651
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2013
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Kid got me with a classic.

My 5 year old was taking a bath when I told her that her temporary tattoos had to come off because she had put them on almost a month ago. She said 'no, they've been on for a year'. I said no and explained the difference between a month and a year for the millionth time. She said 'Mom, I put them on in 2014. So, I've had them on for a year'

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bl00death
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2015
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Dad Jokes never go away(grand-dad joke)

Starting way back when I was just a little kid, spending time with my grandparents in Illinois.

Drinking ice tea with lunch. We always had a little bottle of sweetener on the table for the tea.

Me: "Grandpa, will you pass the sweetener?" Grandpa: "Oh just have your grandmother put her finger in there, she's sweet enough. "

Both dad and grandpa would bust up laughing.

I would giggle until the millionth time hearing it. But i love my grandpa.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chubgamer442
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2013
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