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I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
EXTREME
LIFE IS A TRIP DOWN A LONG FLIGHT OF STAIRS COVERED IN GRAFFITI STARS AND AT THE BOTTOM OF IT IS ANNIHILATION, BUT SOMEWHERE IN MID TUMBLE YOU GET TO WATCH OTHERS FALL SOON AND SOMETIMES THAT'S FUNNY ENOUGH TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF. OTHER TIMES THEY FALL HARDER, I'M TALKING, NUTS FIRST INTO A RAILING, AND IT'S TRAGIC BUT YOU JUST GOTTA REALIZE LIKE OK SURE MY ANKLE IS BROKEN BUT AT LEAST I STILL HAVE BOTH BALLS, I REALLY DON'T HAVE A GOOD REASON TO COMPLAIN -
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I HAVE THE RIGHT TO COMPLAIN ANYWAYS AND I THINK IT LEADS TO SOLUTIONS IN SOME OBVIOUSLY PRAGMATIC WAY LIKE, ASK AND YE SHALL RECEIVE BECAUSE YOU'LL ANNOY SOMEONE ENOUGH THAT THEY'LL FIX IT TO SHUT YOU UP ABOUT IT -
OKAY LESS MORBID ABSURDITY MORE ANGRY BUZZKILL.
THE ONLY WAY I SEE FORWARD IS BEING ANGRY AT SOMETHING THAT BENEFITS ME IN THE LONG RUN AND AS AS PACIFIST I FUCKING HATE THAT.
I LOST MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT AND EVERYTHING FUCKING SUCKS - ALL THAT I CAN IMAGINE AND CONJURE UP IS REMNANTS AND FRACTURED CONDUITS OF A LONG LOST ERA IN THE SUNKEN DEPTHS OF LOVECRAFT'S LOVELY CRAFTS
AND NOW I'M ANGRY THAT EVERYTHING I WRITE GOES DOWN THE WEIRD END OF THE RABBITS ASS -
AND I'M ANGRY THAT I CAN'T ALLOW MYSELF THE FREEDOM TO GET FREAKY WITH CREATIVE LIBERTY.
I WILL PROTEST IN THE ONLY WAY I KNOW HOW, AND THAT IS IN DEFIANCE OF ALL ARBITRARY AND IMMORAL CAUSES.
I FORGET WHAT I WAS YELLING ABOUT IN THE FIRST PLACE.
THE DRUM SOLO ON THIS SONG IS RINGING THROUGH MY TEMPLE
WHICH I AM ERECTING, REFINING, PERFECTING, CONSTANTLY
IT'S EVERYTHING THEN NOTHING.
EVERYTHING FOR THE MOMENT.
ALWAYS WORKING THE MOVEMENT.
THIS BLASTED ROUTINE
THIS STRUCTURE I'VE CREATED
THIS PATTERN I'VE DUG THROUGH TRAVEL
THE PATH DEEPENED BY WEAR
TORN BY JUDGEMENT
LEFT A SKELETAL CONTRACT
WRITTEN IN GOLD
A LEASE FOR THE LAST LEAFS
GAIA SHOOK AND WATER FLOWED FROM HER SHOULDERS
RIVERS ALIVE IN HER FLESH
I HAVE BETRAYED-
I'VE BEEN MISTAKEN.
THE WRATH IS FELT
THIS ANGER IS UNSTOPPABLE - THE CAUSE IS
IRREVOCABLE
YOU SHOULD HAVE READ THE FINE PRINT
WHAT WOULD IT COST TO REMOVE MOLJINAR FROM MY CHEST?
WHAT IS THE PRICE THAT ANYONE WOULD OFFER
PRY THE NEEDLE FROM MY IRIS
DRAW THE SERPENT FROM MY REPTILIAN ROOT AND SEVER ITS HEAD
SEAR THE STUMP
SKIN THE REST AND ENJOY THE WALLET.
I WILL DEFY MY OWN EXPECTATIONS
I WILL CHALLENGE THE ODDS I'VE PLACED
I WILL BET EVERYTHING I HAVE ON MYSELF
I WILL BEG NO ONE FOR ANYTHING
AND I WILL PROVE
... keep reading on reddit ➡Do your worst!
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
They’re on standbi
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
Pilot on me!!
Nothing, he was gladiator.
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
When I got home, they were still there.
I won't be doing that today!
[Removed]
Where ever you left it 🤷♀️🤭
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
You take away their little brooms
There hasn't been a post all year!
It was about a weak back.
It’s pronounced “Noel.”
After all his first name is No-vac
What, then, is Chinese rap?
Edit:
Notable mentions from the comments:
-
Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits
-
French/Finnish art
-
Country/Canadian rap
-
Chinese/Country/Canadian rock
-
Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap
There hasn't been a single post this year!
(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)
Nothing, it just waved
