Freddie Mercury, Bruno Mars and Venus Williams all walk into the same bar.

But they didn't planet.

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iNeedHealing24_7
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Eating mercury can kill you.

It's a death metal.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maras123
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
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Spreaddy Mercury
πŸ‘︎ 91
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SerialMasticator
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
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Why did Freddie Mercury go to the chiropractor

His body was aching all the time

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wellsiv
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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I had my pastor bless a bottle of mercury for me.

I love my Christian Heavy Metal.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GerbilSpanker
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
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Oh snap not mercury.
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/perfectpizzafairy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What size of bed did Freddie Mercury sleep in?

Queen

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moralTortilla
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
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Freddie Mercury, you genius
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
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Freddie Sailor Mercury
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
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My 7 year old son: β€œWhat did Neptune say to Mercury?”

β€œI can’t hear you.”

The skill is developing in this one. So proud.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
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Breddie Mercury

https://preview.redd.it/tiscl24qc8k41.png?width=476&format=png&auto=webp&s=735821c46c4855954dc90b34ea24f6dabbdebbb6

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WankieTankie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Mercury is in your anus.
πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sageofsixpaths69
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of music do astronauts like?

Freddie Mercury songs

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Esmeralda_i
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2021
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They let me name the paper shredder at work! Let me introduce you to Shreddie Mercury!!
πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blkmktmaplesyrup
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
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Freddie Mercury
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fry_The_High
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
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Freddie Mercury be like
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/parth13579
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
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I went for an interview. They said, β€œCan you perform under pressure?”

I said β€œI’m not sure about that but I can have a good crack at Bohemian Rhapsody”

πŸ‘︎ 732
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LIS1050010
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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I watched Bohemian Rhapsody three times in a row, and now I feel a little sick.

It must be the high Mercury content.

πŸ‘︎ 307
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Freddie Mercury does stand up comedy youtu.be/nFYOL9ypY_s
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GlobalTweaker
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
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Why is Earth worried about the relationship between Mercury and Venus? Because these two are moving too fast.
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/devmittal_civ16
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What did Freddy Mercury say about the new airline fee for checked bags?

Carry on, Carry on. Doesn’t really matter.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tocath
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2018
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[Told by my dad during his birthday larty] Who's Freddy Mercury's long lost brother?

Bruno Mars

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/okamipiano
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2019
🚨︎ report
"Look at my ring!" Said Saturn to Mercury. "Isn't it gorgeous?"

"Yes, but you need to lose some weight for the wedding."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2018
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It’s like Queen without Freddie.
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
🚨︎ report
A new study reveals that listening to a Queen album might be bad for your health.

Because of the unusually high Mercury content.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2018
🚨︎ report
CFLs contain mercury.

A CFL above the kitchen table is flickering on and off.

Mom: Can't we jiggle it around?

Dad: It's not like a regular light bulb. It doesn't have a filament.

Mom: Really? Then what's inside it?

Me: It's filled with gas.

Mom: Gas? No wonder our house is so well-lit.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/devourerkwi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2014
🚨︎ report
Why do anti vaxxers avoid listening to Queen?

Contains 25% Mercury

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OliveOcelot
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Planetary pop quiz

"What's the closest planet to our sun?"

"Uh, Mercury."

"Correct! What's the biggest planet?"

"Jupiter!"

"Right again! Now, think carefully.. What's the smelliest planet?"

"Uhh. I dunno..."

"Uranus!"

"Oh god, Dad! Stop!"

Lulz

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What is a fish's favorite subject?

Astronomy.

*Mercury

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jacpowerz1
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
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Two scientists are trying to come up with a way to measure temperature.

One shows the other a prototype thermometer.

"We haven't figured out what to call it yet, but I need you to tell me what temperature this room is when i turn off the air conditioner so it cools to room temperature."

The other scientist gives him the OK and he walks out of the room to turn off the heater.

"OK, what temperature is it?"

"There's no marks on it!" The other scientist replied.

"Well, tell me the height of the mercury on the inside, relative to length of the bottle!"

"Alright" The scientist says. "In that case, it's fair in height"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
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My dad tried to take the phone from me, saying he could get us a better deal on internet.. I hate this man, lol

He took the phone, and said, in the voice of Freddie Mercury, "Is this the wi-fi? Is this just fantasy?...Caught in a landline, we don't need AT&T.." and then passed the phone back. We already have AT&T, and I WAS ON THE PHONE WITH A FRIEND THAT DOES ACCOUNTING?, NOTHING TO DO WITH SOMEONE CALLING OUR HOUSE. No more Crockpot broccoli and cheese soup using weed butter for him. Good god... I'm almost impressed. We also haven't had a landline in years. God bless this small dog weilding, vaping man.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cracksniffer666
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
🚨︎ report
A man with a gold claim in Alaska was cursed.

At first the curse just brought him bad luck, causing vital equipment to break and provoking frequent but small injuries to him and his crew. Soon, however, the curse darkened and diggers the man had hired to help work his claim began to die in bizarre ways.

One was killed by an African scorpion that should never have made it to Alaska, let alone have survived the cold. A second drank a gallon of the mercury used to separate the gold from the ore. A third was found with a tree growing up through his body.

The man himself who owned the claim became more and more pale. His eyes became all white. His skin began to give off an overpowering smell of sulfur. He slept all day and at night he wandered the mountain above his claim, coming back each day looking more like a beast than a man.

The curse became so bad the last worker alive ran away to the nearest town to tell the authorities what was happening at the claim.

In an attempt to save the claim owner's life and lift the curse, a priest was brought in by dogsled to perform an exorcism on the man.

A sherriff from the town came with the priest as a bodyguard.

The exorcism was long, but apparently successful. Immediately the man's color returned, the sulfur smell disappeared, and he was able to sleep through the night for the first time in six months.

After the man awoke, the sherriff immediately arrested the man and brought him back to town with the priest. Standing in front of the judge, the sherriff was asked what charge the law had against the claim owner whose life had just been so dramatically turned around.

The sherriff looked at the man, then looked back at the judge and said in a slow and rumbling voice, "Possession as a miner."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Y2KoNo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
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Pun pet names.

Pets I want to have....

An otter name Harry Otter. A snake named Severus Snake. A tortoise named Voldetort. A chicken named Kylo Hen. A dog named Barkamedes. A deer named David Hasselhoof. A turkey named Green Gobbleen. A cat named Captain Ameowrica. A stork named Tony Stork. A pig named Peter Porker. A crocodile named Croctor Strange. A duck named Ducktor Doom. A squid named Abraham Inkin. A goose named Ryan Gooseling. A heron named Charlize Heron. A goat named Selena Goatmez An alpaca named Alpacachino. A carp name Leonardo Di’Carprio. A tuna named Tuna Turner. A horse named Neighlor Swift. A toad named Demi Lavatoad. A Rhino named Ryan Rhinolds. A swan named Swan Jovi. A Falcon named Jimmy Falcon. A ferret named Ferret Faucet. A rabbit named Hoptimus Prime. A cow named Moolissa McCarthy. A crow named Seth Crowgan. A fox named Charlie Fox. A cat named Katy Purry. A wolf named Howly Berry. A hamster named Scarlet Johamster. A parrot named Squakin Phoenix. A duck named DuckleBerry Finn. A canary named Jim Canary. A swarm of bees, all named BeeyoncΓ©. A sheep named Meryl Sheep. An elk named Elkton John. A bear named Teddy Mercury. A ram named Gordon RAMsey. A shark named Fin Diesel. A jellyfish named Jelly Clarkson. An Iguana named Eddie Lizard. A hyena named Hyena Bonham Carter. A penguin named Robird Downey Jr.

a ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clixer712
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Freddie Mercury, Bruno Mars, and Venus Williams all walk into the same bar.

But they didn’t planet.

πŸ‘︎ 574
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Freddie Mercury, Bruno Mars and Venus Williams walk into a bar

But they didn't planet

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Schrodingers_liar
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Bruno Mars, Venus Williams, and Freddie Mercury walked into a bar...

but they didn't planet that way

πŸ‘︎ 296
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pats5lyfe
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2016
🚨︎ report
Freddie Mercury, Venus Williams, and Bruno Mars into a bar...

...But they didn't planet that way.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/norrisrw
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
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I watched Bohemian Rhapsody three times in a row, and now I feel a little sick.

Must be the high Mercury content.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I listened to Queen albums for 12 hours in a row, and now I feel a little sick.

It must be the high Mercury content.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I watched Bohemian Rhapsody three times in a row and now I feel a little sick.

Must be the high Mercury content.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I watched Bohemian Rhapsody three times in a row, and now I feel a little sick.

It must be the high Mercury content.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report

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