M&Co. Puns

“Dad, I’m coughing.“ So of course I respond with, “Hi coughing, I’m dad.“

He stops and says in an exasperated six-year-old voice, “No! I’m co….” pauses “No! I’m cou….” pauses “I have a cough!”

He is picking this up quickly.

I work security at a large lab. We have a safety rating of green/yellow/red that we need to ask incoming workers. This occurred today when my co-worker greeted an incoming employee.

Co-worker: “Hello. What kind of work are you doing today? Green, yellow, or red work?”

Employee: “I’m just going to my office to water my plants.”

Me: “That’s definitely green work.”

Co-worker: “Did you have to?”

Me: “Sorry. That joke was low hanging fruit.”

Co-worker: “Really?”

Me: “Guess I’m stacking them up like cord wood today.”

... But I'm afraid I'm going to brick it. ........It took me a long time to put it together. .............Maybe I should have built up to it.

-Credit. Co-worker M.W.

My co-worker turned to a veteran employee and said, “ya know, for as long as ugg has been around I’m surprised they haven’t made any uggs for dogs.”

I chuckle to myself for a few seconds and he asks, “What the hell is so funny?”

I respond in the voice of an over enthusiastic sales man, “Hello there miss, I see you’ve brought your dog in today, what size is she....K-9?”

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2017/04/27/14/3FA7E4E500000578-0-image-m-38_1493301109764.jpg