In a field with lots of sheep and lambs roaming around, a giant wolf appeared and swallowed whole a baby lamb. The lamb whined and yelped nonstop for hours on end. After a while the wolf started getting sick, and yet the lamb yelped and whined ever louder.

Finally the wolf died and the baby lamb walked out of the wolf and rejoined it’s momma in the flock of sheep. Turns out the wolf died of internal bleating.

All credit goes to my coworker.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/robertmmoore143
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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A man suspected his wife was hard of hearing so he decided to do an experiment. The man snuck up behind his wife and said, β€œHoney, can you hear me?” No response. He went a little closer and said a little louder, β€œHoney, can you hear me?” Still no response. So he went right beside her ear, yelling,

β€œHoney, can you hear me!?” She turned around and shouted, β€œFor the third time, yes I can hear you!”

πŸ‘︎ 85
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gho5ly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
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My 2 year old daughter was having a tantrum. I yelled "I'll give you something to cry about!". She wailed louder.

So I handed her a knife and an onion.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JackFunk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
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My High School Band Leader always wanted me to play louder

But it wasn't my forte

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DanielSternsBeard
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
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The louder you yell the better I hear you.
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/derGraf_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2018
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TIL: A human fart could be louder than a trombone.

I wish I didn’t learn that fact during my daughter’s school concert.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2018
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I put a louder exhaust on my Hyundai

So people could hear my Accent.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SweetShakes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2017
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Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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UP UP AND AWAY
πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DexterDave97
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2019
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The Monk and The Cow

A monk sits at the peak of a hill that overlooks where the grassy Earth meets a river, the river flows with a breeze, and the breeze explores a mountain range, and the mountains neighbor the sky, and the sky conceals the entire universe, hiding the unknown in plain sight. The monk exhales "Ooooomm". He repeats this until a noise, very faint, breaks his chant.

"moo."

The monk stops for a moment but, without changing his position, dismisses it. "Ooooooommm." He begins again.

He's interrupted again, "moooo."

The monk turns to find a cow looking up at him from the bottom of the hill. "Kind cow," the monk says, "please do not interrupt my meditation."

The cow stares blankly back at the monk. The monk sighs and continues.

"Oooooommmm-"

Even louder, "Mmmooooooooo."

"Dear cow, I must reach enlightenment. Please, refrain from making your cow noises or find another hill."

The monk continues again, "Oooooooommmm-"

"MMMmmoooooooooooO!" The cow exclaims.

The monk stands up angrily, "Cow! Why must you interrupt my chanting?"

The cow replies, "Because you're saying it backwards!"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/baconbuddy95
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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I’ve never liked speed bumps much.

But I'm getting over it slowly.

πŸ‘︎ 417
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GhostPotency
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
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I need some Erin here
πŸ‘︎ 323
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BanAllPineapples
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
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Son: Dad, according to the manual, it’s not a good idea to have the volume of your phone turned up to the maximum.

Dad: That’s sound advice.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2018
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Did you know Daniel Boone had three ears?

His right ear, his left ear, and his wild frontier.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chunkybeefbombs
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
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β€œI am irrationally terrified of letters,” my patient told me.

β€œAre you?” I asked. My patent screamed. β€œOhh, I see,” I said. He screamed even louder.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aleccV
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
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Why is sign language more effective than regular speech?

Because actions speak louder than words.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GassyGhoul88
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
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I like to count in Spanish if uno what I mean
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bacon_247
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2018
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My dad asked me the other day: "Are you even listening to me?"

Which is a really weird way to start a conversation if you ask me.

πŸ‘︎ 110
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πŸ‘€︎ u/__Odelay__
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2018
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Some of the gem's of Steven Wright

The work of Steven Wright, he's the famous Erudite (comic) scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates."

1 Β  - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2Β Β  - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.

3Β Β  - Half the people you know are below average.

4Β Β  - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

6 Β  - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

7Β Β  - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

8 Β  - If you want the rainbow, you have got to put up with the rain.

9 Β  - All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ...... But she left me before we met.

12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?

13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.

19 - I intend to live forever... So far, so good.

21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name.

25 - If at first, you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

26 - A conclusion is a place where you got tired of thinking.

27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.

34 - If at first, you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ksbalaji
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
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I have never heard a good dad joke?

Dad: Well you should tell them to speak louder.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Synisive
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2020
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Conversation with my sons mate

Sons mate: I got 90% for my maths test today.

Me: That's great, what was it about?

Him: Volume

Me: What? I didn't catch that.

Him (slightly louder): Volume

Me: Sorry I couldn't hear you

Him (louder still): VOLUME!

I walk off chuckling to myself while he looks confused.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Space___Geek
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2016
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My Wife and I Laugh About How Competitive We Are

But I Laugh More. And Louder.

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/streetsy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2018
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Want to hear a loud joke?

JOKE!!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/willmary1997
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2016
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Two friends named Trouble and Shut Up went hiking. Trouble went off the path and got lost so Shut Up went to the police to report him missing......

.....when asked his name by the cop filling out the report he replied Shut Up. The frustrated cop asked repeatedly for his name and was met each time with an equally frustrated and louder reply of SHUT UP! The cop got angry and then asked....hey man, are you looking for trouble? The reply back was "Yes! That's the reason I came here....I'm looking for Trouble!!!"

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2donutkid2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2018
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Can you call me

My dad just asked me to call him, he had loat his phone, so i proceeded to say "dad??" He said yes, i said dad louder, he said yes i yelled dad, he got annoyed and said yes and mid sentence his face went from mildly annoyed to laughing

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/snprshot1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2018
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My father's dad joke.

What does a vegetable say in a party for the music to be louder?

Turnip the beet!

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sebfofun
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2017
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A man is driving along a back road at night

His car crashes into a tree, and he escapes unhurt though his car is badly damaged. However, he needs to find somewhere to stay overnight. The man wanders alnog the road until he comes across a monastery. He knocks on the door, and a friendly monk answers.

Man: I've crashed my car and need a place to stay tonight, might I have one of your rooms?

Monk: of course, come right this way.

The monk shows the man to a room, and the man goes to sleep. At midnight, the man is awoken by a loud thumping on the ceiling. He thinks nothing of it and goes to bed, sleeping soundly the rest of the night.

The next day at breakfast he asks one of the monks about the thumping. The monk replies,"sorry, I can't tell you you aren't a monk". The man figures that that's a pretty fair response, and goes to try and fix his car.

After working on the car all day, the man returns to the monastery and asks to stay another night. The monks of course oblige, and the man goes back to the same room. This night, he is awakened by the same thumping, this time even louder. He wonders about it and eventually drifts off to sleep.

The next day, the man continues to work on the car, and needs to stay just one more night to complete it. The monks are happy to give him a room, but the man asks to me moved to a different room so he won't hear the thumping. The man goes to bed but is awakened by even louder thumping.

He decides to go investigate, and climbs the stairs, only to find a locked iron door, with the thumping coming from behind it. Unsatisfied, he goes back to bed.

The next morning, he asks the lead monk about the thumping. The lead monk replies,"sorry, can't tell you you aren't a monk". The man, filled with curiosity, asks the leader how to become a monk. The leader gives him 3 tasks: the first, to circumnavigate the globe, to learn about culture, the second task, to cut an entire field with scissors to learn patience, and the third, to memorize the entire monk book, to learn discipline.

The man completes all the tasks, and the leader takes him up to the iron door and pulls out a key. He opens the door to reveal the Monk's greatest secret.

If you're wondering what it is, I'm sorry, I can't tell you, you aren't a monk.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clutchdanger11
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2018
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Getting some keys cut

I took my daughter to get some keys cut at Home Depot. She picked out a pink one and I picked out a super awesome Star Wars key. They cut her key first followed by mine

"Daddy, the machine is louder cutting your key"

"Well kiddo, that's because Star Wars keys need more Force"

πŸ‘︎ 107
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πŸ‘€︎ u/minnick27
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2016
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5 TIPS FOR UNDERSTANDING & TELLING DAD JOKES
  1. Dad jokes are not made to make you laugh they are only meant for dad(s)
  2. the louder the groan the better the joke.
  3. A pun and a dad joke ARE NOT THE SAME!!
  4. Having children gives you credibility not the right to tell dad jokes.
  5. Not all bad jokes are dad jokes but ALL dad jokes are bad jokes.
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stumpalumpagous
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2017
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The Coffin

My dad told me this spooky Halloween story when I was young, I remembered it today and thought I would share it:

On one spooky Halloween night, a man decided to travel to the graveyard all by himself, armed with only a flashlight, and a thirst for adventure. He scoured the graveyard in search of ghosts, but after a long time searching, was disappointed that he couldn’t find one.

Just when he was beginning to get disheartened, he heard this awful sound from behind! The sound was deep, scratchy, and bellowing. It was the distinct sound of a coffin! The man was terrified. Naturally, he took off running! But No matter how far or fast he ran, he couldn’t escape the coffin. Everywhere he went, the coffin roared, deep, scratchy, and bellowing.

Just when he could run no more, he found himself trapped. The coffin closed in on him, getting louder and louder as it approached.

So what did he do?

He did what any man would do in this situation! He pulled out his Vick’s 44d cough syrup and stopped that awful coffin!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/calebrockinout1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2017
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How I learned my business law professor is a dad on the last day of class

In my business law class we were discussing this court case. In the case, a woman named Courtney was hitting off the tee box at a country club and sliced the shot off the course. The ball hit a guy who was working on a nearby roof, and gave him permanent brain damage. Our professor then asked us who we thought was responsible for the damages: the golf course, the course designer, or the woman. A student in the back asks "Well what if Courtney was drunk while she was playing" to which our professor responded

"Well then we would just have a classic case of drinking... and driving."

I'm still not sure which was louder, my friend and I bursting out laughing or the collective groan that filled the room.

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bip213
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2015
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Here's a long one, it won't disappoint.

My dad's favorite joke of all time (there are many variations, and of course, even more extended versions):

These three guys went to South America to explore the rain forest. The guide was leading them through explaining the different plants and animals. After awhile they started to hear this really loud sound.

whoosh

whoosh

whoosh

The men, kind of scared, asked the guide what the noise was.

"What the hell is that noise?"

"Oh, that's just the Foo bird."

"The Foo bird?"

"Yes, it's a giant bird, and the locals believe that if it poops on you, wiping it off will cause instant death."

"That's silly."

"Well, that's what the locals say."

The noise gets louder and closer.

WHOOSH

WHOOSH

WHOOSH

The men look up in the sky and see a glimpse of the Foo bird.

"It's huge!"

Suddenly...

SPLAT

All four of the men are covered with bird shit. The guide pulls a cloth out of his pocket and wipes the shit off of his face. He drops dead.

The first of the three men says, "that's got to be a coincidence."

He wipes the shit off, and drops dead.

The second guy nervously says, "it can't be true"

He wipes it off and drops dead.

The third guy doesn't wipe it off. He was found a few days later, and went home, refusing to be cleaned.

A few years pass, his life has been destroyed due to being covered in shit. His wife left him, his friends won't come near him, he can't find a job... One day, he's in the bathroom shaving around the shit.

"It's been years, most of it has flaked off, it's probably fine to wipe it off now."

He hesitates, but eventually grabs a towel, wets it down, and takes a deep breath.

He wipes the shit off, looks up into the mirror smiling, then drops dead.

The moral of the story is:

If the Foo shits, wear it.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fire_marshall_ill
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2013
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Wife got me in the movie theater...

We were watching the newest Hunger Games movie a couple of weekends ago. Throughout the film she was (very quietly) whispering interesting things that were in the books but not the film.

Mild Spoilers

There is a certain part where a character goes back for a cat.

End Mild Spoilers

She leans over and I think she was going to tell me another interesting things about the scene. She whispered a little louder than the other times, "You've gotta be kitten me right meow!"

You could hear the slight chuckle from the people in front of us and I had to stifle my laughter. I probably shouldn't find it that funny, but I love good timing and a corny joke.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blackdragon8577
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2014
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A Scary Story

My father told me this when I was young. He grew up on a farm back in the 40's and 50's and for the longest time they had an outhouse that was their primary bathroom. One night he was sitting in there taking a crap when he hears a voice coming from below him. It was saying very quietly "If the log rolls over, we will die". He is sitting their puzzled but he keeps hearing it over and over again "If The Log Rolls Over We Will Die"...

Now he starts to freak out so he wipes himself and runs inside and grabs the flashlight off the counter and comes back out to check it out. Only now, it is louder and more frantic If The Log Rolls Over We Will Die.

He crept up to the toilet hole, turned on the flashlight and slowly peered over the edge of the toilet and what he saw scared the hell out of him...

It was a bunch of ants sitting on a turd and chanting If The Log Rolls Over We Will Die

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nimbusdimbus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2016
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Daughter Gets Dad-Joked at Sam's Club

So I'm strolling through Sam's Club and there is a 40+ year old woman walking around saying "Dad?" (looking for her elderly Father). There's no response, so she's getting louder "DAD?!" Still no response and getting louder with more concern.

Finally, after she gets very loud and says "Dad!!!!"

"Dad" responds saying "What???" She then asks worriedly "Where are you?!?"

Dad says: "At Sam's Club...."

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OneMadChihuahua
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2015
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Going to the store when I dicovered I had $4 in my pocket and announced...

... I am Daddy Fourbucks.

They just did Annie at school so the groaning was even louder.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ManOfLaBook
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2016
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Robin Williams Dad Jokes Mike Rowe

Mike Rowe on meeting Robin Williams the first time:

The first was in 2006 - June or maybe July. I walked into The Roastery down on Chestnut, ordered a coffee, and sat down to read the paper. I soon discovered I was in one of those chairs with one leg shorter than the rest, and resolved to remedy the problem by jamming a folded-up coaster under the offending limb. I bent down, got the thing positioned properly, and managed to smack my head on the edge of the table on the way back up. Hard. The impact was noisy, and sent coffee slushing all over The Chronicle, which in turn lead to an β€œAhh...shit!,” a little louder than I intended. A second later, a voice said, β€œNo, I believe that’s coffee. Shit’s the stuff I see you crawling through every time I turn on the TV.”

source

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/silentex
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2014
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Daughter is complicit

Daughter (9) reading book "Am I normal", chapter - "What do you call your male parent?"

Me: So, what do you call me?

Daughter: Father?

Me (walking a little distance way): What do you call me?

Daughter (Shouting a little louder): Father?

(Repeat a few times until Mom says "Enough you guys")

She actually calls me Dad, but that would have ruined the joke.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BXCellent
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2014
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My Dad trying to be clever in the Kitchen

My Dad and I were getting dinner ready when I quizzed him on how he seasoned the chicken and gravy mixture he was fawning over.

"Uh I haven't put anything in but the chicken, and the gravy."

"Were you going to season it?"

"Wasn't planning on it." he finished, apparently done with the conversation as his full attention was now on whatever football game was on. I decided if he wasn't going to take the initiative and make our food taste like something other than bland than I would.

"Here Dad put in some garlic," I said as i started grabbing spices from the cabinet.

"Some basil, salt, pepper, thyme... " I didn't see any thyme in here which was too bad because it would be just the thing for this.

"Hey DAD do we have any thyme left?" I asked him a little louder than I had been talking before.

"Time for what?" he asked, finally breaking his attention from the flat screen, a severely confused and almost worrried look cemented on his brow. And then, as quick as a camera lens closing to capture a shot, he winked.

.

.

.

TL;DR I'm pretty sure you have enough thyme to read it.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/erydayimredditing
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2013
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Mooooooo!

Dad and I would be innocently walking around the food store and happen upon the prepared foods aisle when he would notice the Hamburger Helper boxes. He'd laugh to himself, just thinking about the lame joke he always tells before it even comes out of his mouth.

"What do you call a masturbating cow?!"

Normally the way a joke works is you wait for someone to interact with you, answer your question or at least acknowledge that you're telling a joke - not my dad. He yells at himself at the top of his lungs.

"BEEF STROGANOFF!! ...MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Really loudly. Way louder than any person should ever speak indoors. ..I miss him.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LIL_Britty
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2013
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Dadjoked the wedding photographer...

So I'm at a family wedding. The dance floor has been pretty quiet all night. It's getting late and a lot of people left already. For some reason, the DJ brings up YMCA and finally manages to get the remaining people going. By the time the Beejees come on with Stayin' Alive everyone is moving around, myself included, and there's a somewhat big group really going crazy and doing dance moves. The photographer gets real close and starts taking pictures. Then she leans over to me to talk, as I'm dancing with my girlfriend and one of her kids.

Photographer: "People suddenly really came to life, huh?"

Me: "Yes. This party is really... Staying alive."

Her groan was louder than the music.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TaTonka2000
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2014
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Younger sisters, wife, and mom all hate me in group settings.

Anytime someone says something unbelievable somebody will say "what?!" and then I'll repeat what was just said, but louder.

Example:

Dad: We were walking and a bottle flew right by our heads.

Sister: What?!

Me: A BOTTLE FLEW RIGHT BY THEIR HEADS!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/my_name_is_Camp
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2014
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Spaghetti Dinner

My family was all eating spaghetti around the kitchen table one night when my Dad just started chuckling out of nowhere, spaghetti sauce falling down his shirt. His laughs quickly got louder and more food began to fall out of his mouth. Everyone immediately knew what was up.

"So...haha, so what do you get when you cross a cat with some fireworks?"

We blankly stare back. "What?"

"Kitty Kitty Bang Bang!"

He then just stared at us all laughing, tears in his eyes. My mom got up and left the room.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Glasenator
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2013
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A new angle...

Got my wife in Church today. I asked her what the hymn number was, and she said, "360". I fully rotated the hymnal, and said, "I couldn't find it". She whispered louder, "THREE SIXTY". In mid second rotation she called me an asshole! In church! Tsk, tsk.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hardrockers77
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2014
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Clam Chowder

Clam chowder makes 'em louder makes em sound like blastin' powder!

My dad used to respond with this all the time when we, as kids, would chant the 'beans beans they're magical fruit' rhyme.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crackofdawn
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2013
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