I lost my wife's Lord of the Rings audiobooks
I'll never hear the end of it.
I had a dream that I wrote Lord Of The Rings.
I guess I was Tolkien in my sleep.
I keep reading The Lord of the Rings over and over again and I can't stop.
I guess it is just a force of Hobbit
The Lord said "come forth and you shall receive life."
John came fifth and won a toaster.
The Lord of the Rings official pinball machine doesn’t take quarters.
What Sith Lord immobilizes his victims instead of killing them?
Darth Ritis.
Edit: The Sith Lord of politeness, Darth anksalot.
Anyone else here a fan of Fire Emblem? Because I CHROMposed some great puns of one of the main lords!
reddit.com/gallery/jy2d6n
Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face"
I hear that Legolas from the Lord of the Rings had an older brother, but he died before Legolas was born.
Grandma is always saying to me ' Hey what's the name of that German guy again who keeps taking my stuff '
Alzheimer, Grandma, it's Alzheimer.
There are only two white people in the movie Black Panther
Martin Freeman, and Andy Serkis.
They also play roles in Lord of the Rings.
I guess that makes them the Tolkien white guys.
Did you hear about the serfs who rebelled against their lord?
Their resistance was feudal.
What do cannibals serve at the beginning of dinner party?
SpongeBob may be the main character of the show.
I thought Lord Of The Flies was about entomology,
It really bugs me that it isnt.
I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81.
The one and only acceptable way of advertising
Doctor Doctor! At night in my bed I keep saying lines from The Lord of The Rings
That's ok, you're just Tolkien in your sleep.
My friend was trying to feed her baby but he was having none of it. I said "Try the Airplane."
She said, "Airplane? What is it?"
"It's a classic spoof film from the 1980s but that's not important right now."
Everyone has heard of the historical figure, Karl Marx.
But no one remembers his sister, Onya, who invented the starting pistol.
Ah sorry i didn't read the name of the subreddit right
The CEO of IKEA was just selected as the Prime Minister of Sweden
He’s assembling his cabinet.
So we all know that you find H2O inside a fire hydrant, but what do you find on the outside of a fire hydrant?
I heard they’re remaking one of the Lord of the Rings movies, but everyone rides around on bicycles instead of horses.
They’re calling it The Two Tires
What is the opposite of isolate?
I keep reciting all of Lord of The Rings in bed
My wife says I need to do something about Tolkien in my sleep.
I need someone to repair the stone wall in the front of my house, but I don’t have a lot of money.
Incidentally, Free Masons are not what they sound like.
All hail the holy antlers of the deer god
It just occurred to me that the opposite of Artificial Intelligence is …
True story, just happened, proud of myself: Dog starts barking furiously out of nowhere. Come to the door to see she's startled a pair of guys from a roofing company who've come to fix a hole where squirrels are getting in.
"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."
Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.
The Adventures of the Mathmagician (an educational and punny comic).
How do you determine the mass of a red hot chili pepper?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now
A man went to the doctor’s and told him, “I feel like such a failure. All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.”
He said, “Wow, that’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.”
Tolkien typed the entire Lord Of The Rings using only two fingers
That must have been Mordor
What's the opposite of ladyfinger?
the very peak of my existence about 6 months ago today
What is the hairiest side of a gorilla?
The cast of “Friends” got stuck at sea in a boat, but thankfully nothing happened.
If someone told me tomorrow is the start of a new month...
Does anyone know who played frodo in Lord of the rings?
Why do the words on the front cover of a book lord it over the words on the back cover so much?
They have a strong sense of entitlement.
What's the best time of day on a clock?
The other day my dog fell into a lake and was drowning. Then some German guy came out of nowhere and saved his life
After I thanked him, he said to me: "Don't vorry, just dry him off and keep him varm, he vill be fine"
I asked him, "Are you a vet?"
He answered, "Am I vet? I'm soaking"
What Sith Lord immobilizes his opponents instead of killing them?
And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life.”
But John came fifth - and won a toaster.
The CEO of IKEA has been elected Prime Minister of Sweden.
He's currently assembling his cabinet.
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