Wild Falcons live to be about 13. So all the Falcons in the wild today were born in the 21st Century.
They're Millennial Falcons
Why did the 20th century come before the 21st?
Because twenty first century.
A young man was in love with two women and could not decide which of them to marry. Finally he went to a marriage counselor. When asked to describe his two loves, he noted that one was a great poet and the other made delicious pancakes...
"Oh." said the counselor. "I see what the problem is. You can't decide whether to marry for batter or verse."
Little known fact: The rate of continental drift was faster during the late 15th century than any other time in history.
It’s true! Columbus discovered America sailing west from Spain!
The 21st century is now old enough to drink.
And you thought the sober years were bad
A nurse hands the doctor a sheet of paper telling him: "Here doctor is the list of donor hearts, kidneys & livers. All in alphabetical order."
The doctor replies: "Wow nurse! That's very
Organ-ized!"
Researchers recently aged inhabitants of a Peregrine colony and determined one of them was born around the turn of the century.
They are calling it the Millennium Falcon.
Tootsie Pops finally got into the 21st century and created a Facebook page. With it, they created a new catchphrase.
How many likes does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
the fastest land mammal is a toddler
who has been asked what is in their mouth.
I was asked to describe what Run-DMC was like in the 80’s.
I recently learned the past tense of the term used to describe taking something away.
During a 13th century British uprising, a duke’s son was killed by the decapitated head of a peasant which was launched at him by a trubechet…
It was the first serf-face-to-heir missile strike.
I made a list of all the people I hate … but my roommate rolled a joint with it …
Now he’s high on the list of people I never want to talk to again.
today is the last day in the 21st century having consecutive prime numbers.
go on, you know you want to party like its 2099
I made a list of the best reasons to go to the bathroom:
Of all of the inventions of the 20th century, I really respect whiteboards.
My quickest Birthday was the one after my 21st
It was my 20 second birthday
“Oil on canvas”——Anonymous Artist, circa 21st century.
How do you measure the magnitude of the pun in a dad joke?
With a sighsmograph
Edit: Wow, you guys, Thank-you the the awards and upvotes. If only my family appreciated this joke as much as you do!
My wife told me to put ketchup and mayo on the shipping list
Now I can’t read anything
“Oil on Canvas.”—- Anonymous Artist, circa 21st century.
I asked my wife to describe me in a few words
She said:
I'm mature
I'm moral
I'm polite
And, by and large, I'm perfect
Don't know why she then accused me of having "a fundamental incapability to understand the proper use of apostrophes and spacing" though....
I was making a list of angels in the evening, I wonder, doesn that make me?...
What mammal likes soup the most?
Recently, I was asked "Which invention of the 20th century is the most remarkable?"
After a moment I replied, "Dry erase boards, certainly."
Saw an airbed for sale yesterday listed at 2 prices, one for the airbed pre-blown up and the other with no air in. Unfortunately, they sold out of the the one with no air in so I had to fork out for the more expensive pre-blown one.
Stupid inflation, always driving up prices.
So I hired this dude to count people in the Bible for me. How many Noah's are there. How many Moseses. That sort of thing. Well, today, he stopped about halfway through. I'm sad to say that I had to let him go.
I mean, he only had one Job.
Two large, semiaquatic mammals are marching across central Europe, eating everything in their path.
We call them the Hungary Hungary Hippos.
Coming this fall to CBS, a new sitcom about a pair of actresses living in the 17th Century...
It’s called “2 Baroque Girls”.
What language do people speak in the middle of the earth?
So yall know how people used wooden dentures in the 19th century? I wonder if women ever tried or thought of using the same idea to increase boob size.
That would be something, now wooden tit?
My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list.
I was standing naked in front of the mirror this morning and thought...
I'm going to get kicked out of this IKEA.
The other day I met a whale who insists he’s the most honest mammal in the world.
But I don’t know... I still say there’s something fishy about him.
I found a flying mammal in my garden who wasn't looking well, so I took him to see Jon Bon Jovi.
He told me "Bat medicine is what you need Oh, oh, oh".
Every day, a doctor would go to the same bar and order a chestnut daiquiri. One day, the bartender ran out of chestnut and used hickory instead. The doctor came in, sipped it, and exclaimed, “Ew! What is this?!”. The bartender replied:
“That’s a hickory daiquiri, doc!”
This is a list of my 10 vices
My dog peed on my list of favorite businesses in the city
Now what’s left is Yellow Pages
My friend said he saw a nocturnal mammal defecate in a French River
I told him thats bat shit in Seine
Have you seen the movie about production methods of boats, planes, and bridges in the 20th century?
I can't remember the name but it's riveting.
Going to be a father in May so I’m practicing— Why did the duck get kicked out of class?
For quacking jokes
EDIT: this joke did wayyy better than I expected lol. Thank you all for the words of encouragement, awards, and corny jokes to follow up! I’m excited to make my family cringe for years to come
So I just found out that Chad Kroeger from Nickelback, loves to taking part in Nativity plays. He’s been a shepherd, the inn keeper and one year, he even played the rear end of the donkey...
But he never made it as a wise man
In 2022, the Oxford Dictionary is updating the spelling of hats to HATS
Today is the anniversary of the Boston Tea Party where colonists threw crates of tea in the harbor because...
The tax was too steep.
...
Either no one in my house gets this, or they think I'll stop because of awkward silence.
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