But Patrick is the star.
Now what’s left is Yellow Pages
Eeyore. Because in battle, he becomes a...
War Eeyore.
It was the list I could do
Doctor: Thank you. It is very organ-ized.
He had Locomotives.
He rode the train in vain.
Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo, Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida, Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina, Lily, Arne, Bette, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl, Isabel, Ada, Ned, Dee, Rena, Joel, Lora, Cecil, Aaron, Flora, Tina, Arden, Noel, and Ellen.
Dumb.ledore
That was the punchline
🍺 Beer is more nutritious than other alcoholic drinks.
🍺 Beer can help protect your heart.
🍺 Beer helps prevent kidney stones.
🍺 Beer lowers bad cholesterol.
🍺 Beer strengthens your bones.
🍺 Beer helps reduce stress.
🍺 Beer may help improve memory.
🍺 Beer helps cognitive function.
Now I can't even read the thing!
He always quacks the case.
These jokes are supposed to be told in succession, one after another. They're fun to tell to kids.
Q. What do you call a cow with no legs?
A. Ground beef.
Q. What do you call a cow with three legs?
A. Lean beef.
Q. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
A. They lactose.
Q. What do you call a cow with two legs?
A. YO MOM
ANNforgivable, ANNother One, bANNed, ANNdroid, ANNticlimactic, ANNbelievable, ANNemployment, ANNcharted, ANNgry, ANNlucky, ANNseen, ANNalyze, ANNadvised, ANNafraid, ANNaided, ANNapologetic, United NatANNs, AmericANN, CanadiANN, IndiANN, JamaicANN, BritANN, JapANN, AsiANN, HumANN, ANNoying, DirectANN, ProductANN, DestructANN, RegeneratANN, AcceleratANN, AbsorptANN, AccommodatANN, AccumulatANN ActANN, additANN, SubscriptANN, SubtractANN, MultiplicatANN, DivisANN, EducatANN, AssumptANN, AppreciatANN, ANNything.
You look for the fresh prints!
And the guy says “how many tattoos I have now”
Incidentally, Free Masons are not what they sound like.
A ToYoda
Pega-sus.
Hey. Don't say Je's-looking-Sus bro
Because if Apollo-F crashed, they’d have to make an Apollo-G.
"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."
Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.
I’m 6ft 2” how big are the others?
He preferred it simply red
Martin Freeman, and Andy Serkis.
They also play roles in Lord of the Rings.
I guess that makes them the Tolkien white guys.
Because Lisa Kudrow.
But No pun in ten did.
I heard parents named their children lance a lot.
First post please don't kill me
Edit: i went to sleep and now my inbox is dead, thank you kind strangers for the awards!
Japan.
Early days with the kids. five, six? I don't really remember, but it was about the time they were afraid of "Monsters" in the closet, under the bed, always at night. Frustrating!
Anyway, I used to put water in a spray bottle, add just a little of my aftershave (so it smelled like me), and I created a label for "Monster Spray". The label looked damn good, it looked "real" at least to a six year old.
Spray under the bed, around the room, in the closet, wherever. It worked so well that every kid in the neighborhood was borrowing it!
Years later, a young niece was afraid of "Bee's" in her dreams, I guess she had been stung, so I turned my brother on to the secret. We made "Monster and Bee Spray" for her.
To this day, I think the secret was the little bit of aftershave, and that we took it seriously.
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- absoutely briliant
That's their back story.
The home button.
Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.
He said, “Change the batteries in your hearing aid”.
Alzheimer, Grandma, it's Alzheimer.
I know he means well.
Edit: Wow. Thanks for the awards, kind Reddit strangers!
so I have to make every second count.
The dot "."
It has ended more sentences than anything else.
She got off
Scot-Free
Toilet-trees
.....I'll show myself out
Those who know binary and those who don't.
For example
- I ate my friend's lunch
- I ate my friend's colon
Now I can't read anything.
Now I can't read anything.
