A daughter was lesbian and came out to her dad
“I like women, dad”
He replied with, “Lol same”
What is the name of farm owned by a vegan lesbian couple?
Why are some women lesbian?
Because they have a nut allergy (this is entirely a joke).
There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting...
He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair."
"What I want you to do..." the man continued. "Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family's duty to keep this forest strong."
So they did.
Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them.
And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline.
You are a graduate of accounting and can't even tell when your SO is losing interest... smh
If you think Thursdays are depressing, wait until 2 more days. Why?
Because it will be a sadder day
Why didn't the chef graduate culinary school?
He failed the main course.
My buddy Miles went on a Europe trip after his graduation.
He loved the culture so much he changed his name to Kilometres.
One of my friends was really in to fencing until his weapon broke
Apparently now it’s dull and pointless
My lesbian neighbors gave me a really cool Rolex watch for my birthday!
I don’t think they understood me when I said, “I wanna watch.”
My British friend was really proud of his heritage until he found out that his great grandfather was from Transylvania.
Now he can even look at himself in the mirror.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
I never knew what happiness was until I got married....
...and then, it was too late.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur ?
Today I finally graduate after 8 years..
Found out that my nanna used to compete in banana eating competitions until she was caught cheating...
... Then they had to ban nanna
I used to be the soccer team's striker until my coach realized I wasn't playing well. He said....
You should play defense, no offense.
At this year's graduation cermony @ UCLA, James Hetfield will receive the Jim Henson memorial degree...
...he will finally get his Masters of Puppets. 🤘
I'm testing how long until my gum runs out of flavor,
We always thought my sisters dog Belle was an idiot, until we realized
Shes won the "No-Belle" prize
I was thinking of joining the space force until I heard about the ridiculous physical requirements!
Turns out I'm a little short for a stormtrooper.
Never criticize someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.
That way you are a mile away and you have their shoes.
My kids came out of school and told my partner they have made cards for her for Mother's Day. I asked for a card, but they said I had to wait until Father's Day. I told my boy I had made a card for him, and he could have it the day after tomorrow,
This gun club wouldn't let me in until I could ejaculate bullets.
I was skeptical at first, but eventually I came a round
I was peacefully eating my Chinese soup, until a guy came out of nowhere and flipped the bowl, spilling my soup everywhere and ruining my meal.
This was an act of wonton destruction.
What did the lesbian pirate say during sex?
What do a mechanic and a lesbian have in common?
Just found out lesbians actually cook.
I thought they just ate out..
My vegan daughter just came out as a lesbian...
I called it being Vagitarian.
How do Roman lesbians have sex?
I enjoyed hiking up mountains, until I arrived at the top.
From there, it's all downhill.
When my kid graduates high school I want him to go to Indiana for college.
Then I can have a “Hoosier Daddy” bumper sticker.
Used to never be able to use the wifi at my farm until I moved my router to the barn.
Now I have a stable connection.
To the class of 2020, con-graduations
362 days until Christmas and people already have their lights up...
Not long until you get RAM’d
There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting...
He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair."
"What I want you to do..." the man continued. "Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family's duty to keep this forest strong."
So they did.
Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them.
And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline.
Why didn't the chef graduate from his culinary class?
He didn't finish the main course
My British friend was really proud of his heritage until he found out that his great grandfather was from Transylvania.
Now he can’t even look at himself in the mirror.
Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth
Then it becomes a soap opera
My British friend was really proud of his heritage until he found out that his great grandfather was from Transylvania.
Now he can’t even look at himself in the mirror.
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