A Russian man was killed last May when his wife sat on his face during an argument.

He died of ass-phyxiation.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickflip2indy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2021
🚨︎ report
A man who is about to be executed is asked if he has any last words . . .

And he replies, β€œYea, just three.”

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/deo2000
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2021
🚨︎ report
A formerly blind man finishes his last round of eye surgery to gain his sight. The doctor asks if he has any last questions.

Patient: no, I think I'll see my self out.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/waldo06
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
🚨︎ report
I caught a man trying to break into my house last night. He was wearing football pads, swimming trunks, ice skates and holding a baseball bat.

I said, β€œOi, what’s your game?”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/adfunk101
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
🚨︎ report
I got to meet the tallest man in the world last week.

I was disappointed by how he looked down on everyone else.

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YourLocalCreep
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
What last name belongs to a man who is annoying and inherited a lot of money?

Richardson.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zapps2000x
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
🚨︎ report
A man is being taken to the gallows for his execution. The executioner asked if he had any last requests, and he asked for a high five.

The executioner left him hanging.

πŸ‘︎ 338
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πŸ‘€︎ u/themeatspin
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Man last year was pretty bad, but at least I’m prepared for this year.

Because in this case hindsight is actually 2020

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DadOnTheInternet
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
I'll never forget my old man's last words before he kicked the bucket:

"Son, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

πŸ‘︎ 94
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DevonWhiteTurnUp
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
🚨︎ report
We made a dill potato salad last night, and man, was it delicious. So fresh and herby...

It was some baller baller dill, y’all.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HyruleanHyroe
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
A man attempted to kill me in my own house last night...

Luckily I was in my living room.

πŸ‘︎ 127
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FrenzyKevlar
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2020
🚨︎ report
A man tried to sell me a coffin today. I told him that's the last thing I need.
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brookscorbs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2018
🚨︎ report
I know a man whose last name is Storm

He has three daughters:

Summer, April, and Haley.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ncsuandrew12
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
🚨︎ report
A couple of days ago a man from Korea came to r/uruguay looking for help to make the worlds biggest sandwich. Last night (8:00PM for me - 8:00AM for him) we made it posible!
πŸ‘︎ 101
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sgtobnoxious
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Asked gravity if it would be my wing man last night. Alas, it kept pulling
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GabrielsCake
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
As the man of the house, I always have the last word when my wife and I disagree about what to do.

Usually it's something like "yes dear."

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StateOfContusion
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
🚨︎ report
A Nigerian man was found dead last night and authorities found $ 50 000 000 in his apartment...

...apparently he had been trying to give it away for almost 20 years, but nobody would return his emails.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tgglas
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Got talking to a very cool old man. After finding out he was from England, a World War Two vet and has spent the last thirty two years in the states I had to ask..

Me: so what brought you to the states?

Him: An airplane.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skip_Ransom
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2014
🚨︎ report
A man got his back severely injured last Tuesday

In court, defense won. Prosecution did have anything to back up their claims

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scrjejeheheebbe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Last night, a naked man broke into our church and started running around.

The cops finally caught him by the organ.

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife says she doesn't know who the last man on the moon was...

She doesn't know Jack Schmitt.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hctibasiaixelsyd
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I am on the last chapter of a book about the life of an one-legged man.

I have a feeling that his end is afoot.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
🚨︎ report
The man that invented throat lozenges died last week..

There was no coffin at the funeral.

πŸ‘︎ 105
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mark_dawsom
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2016
🚨︎ report
This is the last time I'm telling you this: I am NOT the Invisible Man.

Did I make myself clear?

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2017
🚨︎ report
I was over at a friend's house last night and she said she would never date a short man.

I told her that was the height of discrimination.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/janus10
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2017
🚨︎ report
Last year my friend ditched his girlfriend for her small boobs . Now he has got bigger man boobs.

Karma is a Bitch

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/suparna131
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad got arrested last week for impersonating a lollipop man...

I didn't realise it at first but all the signs were there

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rozzer6077
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Told my wife that Gene Cernan, the last man on the moon, died yesterday at the age of 82...

She responds, "Why the heck did they leave him up there for so long!?"

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PivotalPixel
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2017
🚨︎ report
Last night, like every night, I dreamt I was half horse, half man.

My shrink says I'm just being self centaured.

πŸ‘︎ 206
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elliothtz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2015
🚨︎ report
The man who invented Fairy Bread died last week.

Hundreds and Thousands attended the funeral.

His ashes were Sprinkled.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spartan17492
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2017
🚨︎ report
My wife was talking about a Jewish man who came to America but changed his last name to something French

So I asked, "Was it Au Jus?"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PKMKII
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2016
🚨︎ report
What did the man tell his doctor about the pain he's had in his feet the last 5 years?

It's a long standing problem.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2015
🚨︎ report
Mom read the headline "Last man found in drug sweep"

Dad: Do they find a lot of drugs by sweeping? Imagine how much they'd get if they vacuumed!

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/metroidfan220
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2014
🚨︎ report
Man it’s been a while since I last logged into reddit

It was at least last year

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thebwit
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
🚨︎ report

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