A Russian man was killed last May when his wife sat on his face during an argument.
He died of ass-phyxiation.
A man who is about to be executed is asked if he has any last words . . .
And he replies, “Yea, just three.”
A formerly blind man finishes his last round of eye surgery to gain his sight. The doctor asks if he has any last questions.
Patient: no, I think I'll see my self out.
I caught a man trying to break into my house last night. He was wearing football pads, swimming trunks, ice skates and holding a baseball bat.
I said, “Oi, what’s your game?”
I got to meet the tallest man in the world last week.
I was disappointed by how he looked down on everyone else.
What last name belongs to a man who is annoying and inherited a lot of money?
A man is being taken to the gallows for his execution. The executioner asked if he had any last requests, and he asked for a high five.
The executioner left him hanging.
Man last year was pretty bad, but at least I’m prepared for this year.
Because in this case hindsight is actually 2020
I'll never forget my old man's last words before he kicked the bucket:
"Son, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
We made a dill potato salad last night, and man, was it delicious. So fresh and herby...
It was some baller baller dill, y’all.
A man attempted to kill me in my own house last night...
Luckily I was in my living room.
A man tried to sell me a coffin today. I told him that's the last thing I need.
I know a man whose last name is Storm
He has three daughters:
Summer, April, and Haley.
A couple of days ago a man from Korea came to r/uruguay looking for help to make the worlds biggest sandwich. Last night (8:00PM for me - 8:00AM for him) we made it posible!
Asked gravity if it would be my wing man last night. Alas, it kept pulling
As the man of the house, I always have the last word when my wife and I disagree about what to do.
Usually it's something like "yes dear."
A Nigerian man was found dead last night and authorities found $ 50 000 000 in his apartment...
...apparently he had been trying to give it away for almost 20 years, but nobody would return his emails.
Got talking to a very cool old man. After finding out he was from England, a World War Two vet and has spent the last thirty two years in the states I had to ask..
Me: so what brought you to the states?
Him: An airplane.
A man got his back severely injured last Tuesday
In court, defense won. Prosecution did have anything to back up their claims
Last night, a naked man broke into our church and started running around.
The cops finally caught him by the organ.
My wife says she doesn't know who the last man on the moon was...
She doesn't know Jack Schmitt.
I am on the last chapter of a book about the life of an one-legged man.
I have a feeling that his end is afoot.
The man that invented throat lozenges died last week..
There was no coffin at the funeral.
This is the last time I'm telling you this: I am NOT the Invisible Man.
I was over at a friend's house last night and she said she would never date a short man.
I told her that was the height of discrimination.
Last year my friend ditched his girlfriend for her small boobs . Now he has got bigger man boobs.
My dad got arrested last week for impersonating a lollipop man...
I didn't realise it at first but all the signs were there
Told my wife that Gene Cernan, the last man on the moon, died yesterday at the age of 82...
She responds, "Why the heck did they leave him up there for so long!?"
Last night, like every night, I dreamt I was half horse, half man.
My shrink says I'm just being self centaured.
The man who invented Fairy Bread died last week.
Hundreds and Thousands attended the funeral.
His ashes were Sprinkled.
My wife was talking about a Jewish man who came to America but changed his last name to something French
So I asked, "Was it Au Jus?"
What did the man tell his doctor about the pain he's had in his feet the last 5 years?
It's a long standing problem.
Mom read the headline "Last man found in drug sweep"
Dad: Do they find a lot of drugs by sweeping? Imagine how much they'd get if they vacuumed!
Man it’s been a while since I last logged into reddit
It was at least last year
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