I play Chess regularly with my friend, but last time he suddenly said " let's make this interesting "...
..so we stopped and went home.
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Aug 04 2020
My best friend's bakery burned down last night.
Now his business is toast.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Aug 10 2020
My friends took me to the rodeo last week.
I kinda got roped into it.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Aug 06 2020
A friend sent me a text apologizing for the atrocious grammatical errors in his last message. I told him not to worry
π︎ 3
π
︎ Aug 01 2020
Last year, my friend told me heβs quitting his job to pursue a miming career.
I havenβt heard from him since.
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Apr 10 2019
My friend the comedian normally gets lots of applause after his act, but the last time it was nothing but boos...
He must have been having a bad har day.
π︎ 6
π
︎ May 02 2020
My friend Dave drowned last week.
His funeral is on Wednesday. I've made him a wreath in the shape of a throw ring. It's what he would have wanted.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Apr 19 2020
My friend and I were trying to sneak by a dinosaur last night.
When we got to the other side, Dave said:
Do you think he saurus
π︎ 4
π
︎ Feb 12 2020
My good friend drowned while at the beach last month. I tearfully placed a life preserver on his coffin at the funeral.
It's what he would've wanted.
π︎ 104
π
︎ Jul 04 2019
My friend has been having the hardest time getting pool noodles air frieighted in. Last night, he said he's going to have them sent on a container ship...
I said, "whatever boats your float."
π︎ 8
π
︎ Nov 20 2019
When the last hurricane blew through, my friend offered free room and board to any and all...
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 30 2019
I told my deaf friend a joke last night
I bet he never heard that one before
π︎ 26
π
︎ Sep 17 2019
I asked my friend why did he walk away from his last job.
He said that his wage was so low he couldn't afford a car.
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Jun 03 2017
My friend couldn't afford his water bill last month. So I sent him a "Get Well Soon" Card.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jun 22 2019
My friend Victor recently changed his last name to βEβ, but no-one knows whyβ¦
Heβs become a Mister Eβ¦
π︎ 52
π
︎ Sep 29 2018
Last night, me and my friend watched 3 DVDs back to back. Luckily, I was the one facing the tv.
π︎ 63
π
︎ Mar 19 2019
My friends had a nautical-zombie-themed wedding last weekend
They were the docking wed.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Apr 07 2019
Last week, my friends and I ate way too much dim sum
We ate sum dim sum and den sum
π︎ 14
π
︎ Mar 11 2019
My friend just had three kids! He asked me what to name them. I said βJames, Charles and Li Zhaoβ He asked me why the last one was Li Zhao. So I said βBecause every 3rd person born in this world is Chinese
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 23 2019
I bet my friend that i could lose more weight than him within the last month
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jan 29 2018
My 68-year old friend wants to spend the last years of her life making rugs...
Her retirement is looming.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Apr 19 2019
My friend just got married to a girl whose last name was China
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jan 28 2019
π︎ 145
π
︎ Jul 12 2015
So I got drunk last night and my friend drew a clock on my palms
Looks like I have some time on my hands
π︎ 7
π
︎ Feb 08 2019
At the restaurant last night my friend, with idle hands, tore the bill clean in half, "oops."
"That's okay," I said, "I think they accept split bills."
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 18 2019
My friend and I went to a party at Odin's place last night
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jan 13 2019
Friend and I saw "Snowpiercer" last night. Spent the next hour and a half barraging him with train puns.
π︎ 174
π
︎ Jul 16 2014
Last night I was late to a dinner with friends because I couldn't find any parking. Eventually, I just parked the car in a place with a lot of foot traffic.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Feb 12 2019
The last thing left on my friend's wedding registry was a garbage can.
π︎ 100
π
︎ Aug 13 2016
Last time I was in my friend's house I took a bath
I just think it fits better in my bathroom
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 08 2019
My friend's last name is Price.
When children are born into his family, the doctor tells them to name their Price.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Nov 04 2017
My Chinese friend and I broke into a distillery last night...
"Is this whiskey?" I asked him.
"Yeah!" he replied. "...But not as whiskey as wobbing the bank!"
π︎ 5
π
︎ Oct 11 2018
Me telling my friend Juan about the soccer game last night.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jun 06 2018
A friend of mine introduced me to Indian food last night...
I thought it tasted a little funny, and wanted to return it. My friend assured me that would be naan issue.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Mar 07 2018
Last year my friend ditched his girlfriend for her small boobs . Now he has got bigger man boobs.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Sep 12 2018
A friend of mine was pretty upset when he was forced to crowd surf at a concert last week.
He was up in arms the entire time.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jun 01 2018
I was over at a friend's house last night and she said she would never date a short man.
I told her that was the height of discrimination.
π︎ 23
π
︎ Dec 16 2017
True story: My friend's dad raises cattle. Last week, he totally flipped out when one of the females had a miscarriage, killing both the mother and the daughter.
He had a cow over his cow not having a cow.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Jan 22 2017
I was joking about my cat purring at long last, and found out that my friend gets it.
imgur.com/CxTRf4S
π︎ 21
π
︎ Apr 18 2015
I helped my friend move an elephant into his room last week...
He offered to pay me and I said "Don't mention it".
π︎ 15
π
︎ Sep 30 2017
My friend's bakery burnt down last night
Now his business is toast
π︎ 50
π
︎ Mar 23 2019
Last night, me and my friend watched all the Harry Potter movies back to back
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
π︎ 11
π
︎ May 24 2019
Last year, my friend told me heβs quitting his job to pursue a miming career.
I havenβt heard from him since.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jun 17 2019
My friend Victor recently changed his last name to βEββ¦
No-one knows why.
Heβs become a Mister E.
π︎ 39
π
︎ May 02 2017
My friend's bakery burned down last night....
Now all his inventory is toast.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Jun 07 2018
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