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a 3xlife size portrait of my mother à la Scapigliata, framed and lighted as if it’s a precious family heirloom. Think of the meme where Jesus is on the wall but it’s Anakin, but it’s Jesus. But it’s Nmom.
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leaving the Christmas tree up all year long and simply changing the decorations twice a year: Easter egg decor and Christmas. But this year there’s none of our childhood pieces on it, instead half the ornaments (literally) are from the memorial to her childhood best friend.
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She’s started locking the door to her bedroom from the outside, which means she changed the lock. Our rooms are not allowed to have this kind of lock.
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apparently she bought a silk flowers decoration to sit beneath the portrait on a shelf her bf installed, as a permanent self-offering.
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The books & craft supplies I had in my room have been “reorganized” into communal spaces and became communal items
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lots of printed pictures of her kids and parents , but they’re unframed and not hung up and instead hid deep in the basement
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Apparently I’m not allowed in the basement but she only told me after she got home, and I got here before her, so IM in trouble. Why am I not allowed in the basement? Because she left presents there.
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a coat closet with only enough hangers for her coats. (Something about how if her kids kept their coats in there too, it’d be too tight)
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no bread, not even in the freezer. She’s Keto and Sis is GF so why would she keep bread? Im not allowed to eat Sis’ food, and Mom & her boyfriend are Keto. Im Vegetarian so when I visit my food options are literally… a salty can of soup or a can of beans she got from Costco. If I try to explain that a can of beans is not, in fact, sufficient calories for a meal, and ask her to stock her dry foods more inclusively (pastas, whole grains, frozen bread, split lentils which cook in 20 min btw, etc), I’m the one that’s ungrateful.
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she TALKS OVER HER FATHER NOW. I’m sure this isn’t new, but in uni I’ve learned some things about myself. Two examples are I’ve learned that both accessibility and respect for community elders and their wisdom of age are EXTREMELY important to me. She will literally start saying something to her father, and when he tries to respond, she gets distracted somehow and keeps talking and starts talking about something else, mumbling while talking quietly which she should logically know he can’t hear.
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her
I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB
Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"
I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual
So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes
r/unclejokes for dirty jokes
r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC
r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes
Punchline !
Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub
Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat
The doctor says it terminal.
Do your worst!
How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?
Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.
But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.
We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.
They were cooked in Greece.
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
He lost May
Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.
Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?
Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"
Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
And now I’m cannelloni
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
But that’s comparing apples to oranges
And boy are my arms legs.
Put it on my bill
Heard they've been doing some shady business.
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
They’re on standbi
A play on words.
Calcium, nickel, neon
My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.
Pilot on me!!
