July 14 is National Nude Day AND National Mac and Cheese Day

So send noods.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/myverypunnydad
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 14 2022
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Happy July 13th Day Everyone!

It only comes around once a year.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/BoobslikeJagger
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 13 2022
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Everybody usually takes the day off on July 4th

But not fire, fire works

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/HornyPepsiCan
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 05 2022
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July 27 is Take Your Houseplant for a Walk Day.

Lettuce all celebrate!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/tymme
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 27 2021
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Today (July 1st) is International Reggae Day

This is the day I dread

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 01 2021
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National Orgasm day is coming (July 31)

You should really try to get off that day if you can.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/paddirn
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
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Every year my town has a 4th of July track meet during the day, and any age can compete. My geologist dad, heavy set and not ready to compete, entered the mile and obviously did poorly, but he crossed the finish line, gave me a shit-eating grin and said:

"......gneiss guys finish last."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SoDakZak
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 05 2017
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I work in a shop that sells music merchandiseโ€ฆ

โ€ฆ and we noticed that our Tame Impala, Artic Monkeys and The 1975 necklaces werenโ€™t selling, so weโ€™re doing a big sale on July 4th.

Weโ€™re calling it Indie Pendants day.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 13
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/slatersays22
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 14 2021
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We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโ€™s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโ€™s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donโ€™t think itโ€™s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

Thereโ€™s a new type of broom out, itโ€™s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels canโ€™t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itโ€™s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldnโ€™t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didnโ€™t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/communist_scumbag
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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My boss dropped this one in status yesterday...

We were discussing how July 3rd is the Observed Holiday for Independence Day this year.

Co-worker: I just don't get that...

Boss: It's so all of the government workers have a day off... and so mailmen don't go postal

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/maoore
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 30 2015
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I had a dad joke while working as a to go host at a restaurant.

I was working on the 4th of July. Guy comes in. Orders a burger with a side of French fries. We were out of fries so he decides to order a side soup: French onion. I ring in the order and he goes outside to wait, there were a few other customers out there smoking.

The chef calls the front desk to let me know that we were also out of French onion. It was late at night so this happens occasionally.

I go outside to let him know we were out, so that he can order something else. The other costumers smoking overhear me telling him that "We are out of French onion soup". The guy smoking says "man, you guys are out of French fries too what the heck?"

I chime in "well it is Independence Day."

They all laughed, and the guy ordered the lobster bisk. I high fived myself on the way back to the stand.

Sorry for the lengthy post.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Harpo3
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 05 2015
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My Dad just dropped the first dad joke that I've ever heard him say.

"What day is the Fourth if July on?" "It's on a.... Saturday." "No, it's not." "Yes it is. It's a week from tomorrow." "No it's not, it's on the fourth!"

I probably laughed a lot harder than I should have at it, but I'm proud of him.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Ganrokh
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 26 2015
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Dad Joked by my Roommate

So I was having a late dinner with my roommate on the last day of our reading break, and we ended up on the topic of historical literacy. This is what followed:

RM: "When was the Declaration of Independence signed?"

Me: "1776."

RM: "Yeah, but specifically what was it signed on?"

Me: "Uh, The Fourth of July?"

RM: "No, it was signed on paper."

Needless to say, I double-facepalmed and finished my shake with that weird feeling you get after such a joke.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/toastfan902
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 22 2014
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Everyone gets the day off on the 4th of July. But not fire.

Fire works.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Flintzer0
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 07 2021
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Some people enjoy a day off on the 4th of July.

But not fire. . . . . Fire works on 4th of July.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/YeaOrna
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
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Some people enjoy a day off on the 4th of July....

But not fire....fire works on the 4th of July

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/LogOffPleez
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 21 2020
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Some people enjoy a day off on the 4th of July, except for fire

Fire works on the 4th of July

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/paoerfuuul
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
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A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโ€™s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโ€™s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donโ€™t think itโ€™s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

Thereโ€™s a new type of broom out, itโ€™s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels canโ€™t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itโ€™s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldnโ€™t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didnโ€™t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโ€™s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโ€™s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donโ€™t think itโ€™s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

Thereโ€™s a new type of broom out, itโ€™s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels canโ€™t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itโ€™s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldnโ€™t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 88
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Josvys
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

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