...Decmember
Heads and Shoulders.
So he could greet you with a handshake.
Usain Bolt
We recently discovered mice in our pantry. Everyone’s advice? Get a cat. Apparently they are stone cold killers.
We made some calls and learned from our vet that they had two cats that need to be rehomed. I agreed to take them sight unseen. I think it’s a boy and girl but I don’t actually know. We pick them up next week.
We want to instill the right spirit into our mercenaries by naming them after famous murderers, but want to lighten the mood with puns.
So far we have come up with Jeffrey Paw-er but we are certain our Reddit friends can do better. We need male and female options. I understand one cat is black and the other is a brown mix.
We need help coming up with names, anyone up for the challenge??
Knock-knock.
>!Who's there?!<
Edit: my son told me this. I was confused at why I had to start it and then cracked up when he said “who’s there?”
Vlad the impala.
Jeffrey Dahmer: shuts off blender “Aww...”
I guess they were Episcopaliens.
Me: "Can you take a look at Jeffrey's eye? I think he has cataracts."
Dad: "Of course he does. Would you expect him to have dogaracts?"
Will: Make me a sandwich
Jeffrey puts a slice of bread on Will's head
Jeffrey: There, you're a sandwich.
There once was a golfer named Jefferson Handy. He was a decent golfer, even better considering that he was unable to stand for more than a few minutes without intense pain. Due to his affliction, Jeffrey was always spotted a few strokes on the course. Anyway, Jeffrey was always known for a smile on his face and his cabby hat he wore for good luck. One day, while on the 7th green, a lady appeared from one of the water traps and told him she would grant him any wish, but at a price. He said sure, and asked to be able to stand again. She granted him his wish, but for payment, she took his hat. And that's the story of the lost Handy Cap.
> I want to apologize to everyone today. These terrible jokes have been coming to me all morning and I can't turn it off.
