Jay-Z is DMing a D&D campaign for his son.

Jay-Z's son is playing a fighter and is engaged in a grueling fight with a troll. The troll is clearly too high a difficulty for the fighter.

"Dad," Jay-Z's son exclaims in frustration. "The troll is destroying me!" Just at that moment, from behind a nearby hill appears an army of goblins led by what appears to be an intoxicated lich.

Jay-Z looks at his son and replies with a smirk, "If you're having troll problems, I feel bad for you, son. I've got 99 goblins and a lich on rum."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JinTaisa
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
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Me: I think I have a crush on BeyoncΓ©.

Her: Whatever floats your boat.

Me: No. That’s buoyancy.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
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What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?

A scrub jay!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoshWithaQ
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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Kid: Oh man dad, today's test at school was difficult. There was a test with like 99 problems on it -and one of those problems was a real bitch.

Dad: Well we know one thing. Your teacher is not Jay-z!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/phish_tacos
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
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Canape Canape
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
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Did you hear that BeyoncΓ© bought a department store?

It’s called Jay-Z Penny

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kingofthediamond
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
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What is Beyonce's favorite bird?

The blue jay-z.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2piix
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
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My firstborn son's name will be Jason

My name's Jay

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DJ_Bambusbjorn
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
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So I just heard that the two main characters from the previous Men In Black movies are going to have major parts in the upcoming sequel!

Laugh out loud, Jay Kay.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImurderREALITY
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
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I was golfing with my good buddies...

It was a foursome... Al, Jerry and Gerry. To ease confusion, we just call the (G)Jerry’s by the first letter of their name... so Jay and Gee.

Anyways, we were playing the other day and I could tell that someone was wearing cologne. Why on a golf course? I don’t know.

Now I’m kinda sensitive to odors and aromas and, sure enough, after a few holes, my eyes start to water and I start to sneeze.

I turn to Jay and say β€œI think I’m allergic to someone’s cologne”

Jay responds, β€œHmmm, I’m not wearing cologne, it must be Al or Gee’s”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/saulfineman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
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Jay Z

What did Jay Z call Beyonće before they were married?

FiancΓ©e.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EniktheSleestak
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
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The first time they ever met, my dad blindsided my mom with this prophetic alphabet dad joke.

So my dad's name is Jay and my mom's name is Kay. The first time they were introduced, it was obvious their names were destined for dad joke immortality:

Mom's friend: Jay, this is my friend Kay! I thought you two should meet!

Mom: Hi.

Dad: Ya know, if we get married and have kids... we could name them Ellie, Emmie, and Opie. We could eat alphabet cereal for breakfast and alphabet soup for dinner! :) ;)

Mom: ..... uh..

30 years later and they did get married, and did get their "Emmie"! (my sister's name is Emily)

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Egdirdle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2015
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It’s that time of year again

-I'm a better wrapper than Jay Z

-If we keep that fire on he’s going to be Krisp Kringle

-What do they spell with at the North Pole? The Elfabet… Do you want to know why it’s different? … It has No-L.

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Phelim
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2013
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My dad said 'He's always getting ran over, him' I said 'Who?'

He said 'Jay Walker'

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eltegs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2017
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Gender politics in the Home Depot garden section

So my parents bought a new house, and they are in the process of moving in.

He wants to get some greenery for the front yard, so we're at Home Depot.

He's looking at something, I don't know what, and he makes the comment, "this is almost the exact same thing that we have at the old house, and I love it."

I ask him, "why didn't you like my idea of transplants from the old one to the new house, then?"

Deadpan he replies, "Jay, you know I don't care about a plants sexual orientation or gender."

Seriously, my father, ladies and gentlemen.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mister_Jay_Peg
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2016
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I showed up over dressed to a family member's party and my aunt spilled sweet tea all over my dress shirt. She solved my clothing problem

Aunt Jay: I'm so sorry I ruined your nice shirt!

Me: You didn't ruin it, you turned it into a tea-shirt for me!

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HeroHurtya
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2014
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my SO is watching the vid of Beyonce's sister attacking JayZ

me: what's that?
her: Beyonce's sister attacking Jay Z
me: I know her name (very proud)
her: what?
me: Beytwice!
her: facepalm

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2014
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My wife and I told my dad we watched the most recent Hunger Games

"Did Jay get mad?"

"What dad?"

"Most people don't like being mocked so I wonder if Jay got mad."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnFoxpoint
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2015
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My 6th grade teacher was the king of dad jokes.

My 6th grade teacher had a reputation of being the meanest, strictest teacher on campus, but once I made it through his class, I realized he could be a jokester, too.

-In math class, he liked to tell a long, complicated story about a boy encountering a genie, eventually wishing for some odd things, just to end it with the punchline, "Gee, I'm a tree." (geometry)

-Another one of his long jokes consisted of a man being chased by a hearse. In a fit of desperation, he throws some Halls throat lozenges at it...."and the coffin went away."

-During study time, he would sometimes grab a balloon from his desk, blow it up, and proceed to slowly let air out of it, just to produce the squeaky noise.

-His favorite short joke: "Doctor, doctor, I broke my arm in three places!" "I advise you to stay out of those places."

-He was also probably the all-time leader of correcting, "Can I go to the bathroom?"

-He would also occasionally play opera music at the end of the day, not dismissing the class until we made it through an entire song without laughing.

-There were also a couple words that incited a specific reaction from him. Many of these words showed up often in history class, which is his favorite subject (probably because of all the jokes):

Anyway, it was a fun year with that teacher. I'll add more of his quirks if I think of any.

-Also,

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyei8hts
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2013
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Mom's can joke too

Me: I think Jay Leno got his jaw from his mother

Mom: I bet she will look terrible without it.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Berkez
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2014
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Saw this Gem along with others at Gov Ball

What did Jay-z call his girlfriend before they got married?

Feyonce.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Teh_Spacers
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2014
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When we're crossing the street.

"I am always 'Jay' walking." - Jay, my dad.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lost_rocks815
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2013
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