Irish Scots Puns

Those were the days.

... walk into a haunted house and see a £5 note on a table. The English man walks up to the table and hears a voice "I am the ghost of able Mable and that £5 note belongs on that table". He gets scared and runs away. The Irish man approaches the table and hears the same voice " I am the ghost of able Mable and that £5 note belongs on that table". He gets scared and runs away as well. The Scots man walks up to the table and hears the same voice " I am the ghost of able Mable and that £5 note belongs on that table". He says "I am the son of David Crocket and that£5 note belongs in my pocket".

...she was an LPN.

We had a Don't Bother Checking account.

My first pet only had 3 legs, and it was a centipede.

Mom had one bra, and it was a lease.

For breakfast we ate Lieutenant Crunch.

My first spoon was monogrammed though ("1/2 TSP").

We were too poor to even say "awesome." We had to say "awefew."

We sat at the campfire and made S'Lesses.

My pillow only had one side.

Repossession was 9/10 of the law.

Five kids had to share one shoelace, and instead of toenails we grew toe staples.

Our scotch tape was scots-irish.

(I'm allowed)

My first shower came with sound effects and a lightshow.

One year Santa had to bring stockings.

The next year he filled them with nooses.

I did have a jumprope with a rattle on the end. And fangs on the other.

Other kids hunted eggs for Easter but we just died.