Iona Abbey Puns

Grace Bones is sipping tea with who else, but Grace Jones.

“DARLING.” Grace Jones smirks.

Yes?

“It’s been a few months… Where are the racers?” Grace raises an eyebrow. “I was expecting them to arrive…”

Oh, they’re coming… I’ve been doing some work.

The screen cuts to Grace Bones remodelling the werkroom, painting the walls, chainsawing tables, and putting together mannequins.

“My Question is..” Grace looks at Grace Bones. “Will they slay?”

Sister, you know… just like we do, they shall.

Grace Jones grins.

But, this is a new era. More than ever before, I want these racers to GROW. You don’t start a superstar. You become it.

“So, the first Drag Superstar of this era…”

Will fight their way to this journey. Will learn, will battle, and will give THEIR ALL!

“So it’ll be a battle.” Grace Jones grins.

Oh, it’ll be a race.

Grace winks.

~

Grace’s Drag Race

Start your ENGINES!

Grace Bones rides through a racing set, ZOOMING past a crowd.

Grace’s Drag Race

May the best Artist WIN!

Dandi Lionne throws her hat at Grace’s car, in furious shock as she speeds past.

Grace’s Drag Race

STAAAART YOUR ENGINES!

Atlantis, B.A.B.E, Billie J. Bob, Christmas Yves and Corsica Traggio cackle in sexy racer couture, waving over the cars.

Grace’s Drag Race

MAY THE BEST ARTIST

Emilia Goldd, Iona Frenzy, Jean Harlot, Kandy Krush and Kendoll Kourdiel jump into different race cars, dressed as professional drivers.

BEST ARTIST

Libra Van Lier, Lisa Liquor, Sakura 4.0, Sharr Payne and The Fajira cheer from the crowd, watching as racers.

WIN!

Grace winks into the camera.

https://preview.redd.it/n0ugf11rx2781.png?width=900&format=png&auto=webp&s=ca5c70b5ca5f0079188a0e00c38c3e08cf07cbe6

~

In a flash, a smoke bomb covers the werkroom. Out rocks Billie J. Bob, dressed head to toe in a sleek spy suit. He looks suave, sophisticated- and then, he starjumps and the suave suit becomes a fringe fashion statement. “Daddy’s Home!” Billie yells.

Billie J. Bob: “I’m Billie J. Bob, and Baby King I am no more! It’s been a few years, but I am back, baby!”

“Oh my, this werkroom...” Billie gasps as he looks at the new painted black and white sleek werkroom.

*Billie J. Bob: “I was your first out of Season 18, when I had just started drag. My family didn’t even know yet! I was just a little streaming King, and since my season… the world has opened up. I’ve toured, I’ve shown my drag, I’ve gotten divorced, I’

Do your worst!

This is part one of this list. This list is based off of accomplishments in the NBA (or ABA), not college or international leagues. Please let me know of any mistakes or if I missed something.

---

Key:

AS - All-Star

AN - All-NBA, All-ABA, All-BAA

AD - All-Defensive

AR - All-Rookie

MVP - Most Valuable Player

FMVP- Finals Most Valuable Player

DPOY - Defensive Player of the Year

6MOY - Sixth Man of the Year

MIP- Most Improved Player

COTY - Coach of the Year

EOTY- Executive of the Year

ScrC - Points Leader

AstC - Assists Leader

RebC - Rebounds Leader

StlC - Steals Leader

BlkC - Blocks Leader

---

Acadia University (1): Brian Heaney (1969-70) - 2.0/0.3/0.4 - 14 G

—

Akron (4): Bill Turner (1967-1973) - 5.4/3.5/0.6 - 294 G

—

Alabama (32): Latrell Sprewell (1992-2005) - 18.3/4.1/4.0 - 913 G - 4x AS, 1x AN, 1x AD, AR

Honorable Mentions: Antonio McDyess, Robert Horry, Mo Williams, Gerald Wallace

Active: JaMychal Green, Collin Sexton, Kira Lewis Jr, Herb Jones, Joshua Primo

—

Alabama A&M (1): Mickell Gladness (2011-12) - 2.2/2.2/0.2 - 26 G

—

Alabama at Birmingham (11): Elijah Millsap (2015-2017) - 4.2/2.8/1.1 - 69 G

Active: Nate Darling

—

Alabama State (2): Kevin Loder (1981-84) - 5.9/2.3/1.2 - 148 G

—

Alabama-Huntsville (1): Josh Magette (2017-20) - 2.2/1.0/2.4 - 26 G

—

Albany State (5): Caldwell Jones (1973-1990) - 7.9/8.2/1.4 - 1299 G - 1x AS, 2x AD

Honorable Mention: Wil Jones

—

Albertson College of Idaho (1): Elgin Baylor (1958-72) - 27.4/13.5/4.3 - 846 G - HOF, 11x AS, 10x AN, ROY

—

Alcorn State (6): Lindsey Hunter (1993-2010) - 8.5/2.2/2.7 - 937 G - 2x Champ, AR

Honorable Mention: Larry Smith

—

Alliance College (1): Don Asmonga (1953-54) - 0.7/0.1/0.7 - 7 G

—

American (2): Kermit Washington (1973-82, 1987) - 9.2/8.3/1.4 - 507 G - 1x AS, 2x AD

Honorable Mention: Andre Ingram

—

American International (1): Mario Elie (1990-2001) - 8.6/2.8/2.6 - 732 G - 3x Champ

—

Appalachian State (1): Belus Smawley (1947-51) - 12.7/2.8/23 - 261 G

—

Arizona (60): Gilbert Arenas (2001-12) - 20.7/3.9/5.3 - 552 G - 3x AS, 3x AN, MIP

Honorable Mentions: Andre Iguodala, Jason Terry, Richard Jefferson, Mike Bibby, Damon Stoudamire, Steve Kerr

Active: Deandre Ayton, Aaron Gordon, Josh Green, Solomon Hill, Andre Iguodala, Stanley Johnson, Lauri Markkanean, TJ McConnell, Zeke Nnaji

—

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

They’re on standbi

It really does, I swear!

Pilot on me!!

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

I won't be doing that today!

You take away their little brooms

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

There hasn't been a post all year!

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

Bob

So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."

Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.

Just to clarify, 12345678

Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...

Notices there's only 2;

Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."

I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.

Abagael Abagail Abbe Abbey Abbi Abbie Abby Abigael Abigail Abigale Abra Acacia Ada Adah Adaline Adara Addie Addis Adel Adela Adelaide Adele Adelice Adelina Adelind Adeline Adella Adelle Adena Adey Adi Adiana Adina Adora Adore Adoree Adorne Adrea Adria Adriaens Adrian Adriana Adriane Adrianna Adrianne Adrien Adriena Adrienne Aeriel Aeriela Aeriell Ag Agace Agata Agatha Agathe Aggi Aggie Aggy Agna Agnella Agnes Agnese Agnesse Agneta Agnola Agretha Aida Aidan Aigneis Aila Aile Ailee Aileen Ailene Ailey Aili Ailina Ailyn Aime Aimee Aimil Aina Aindrea Ainslee Ainsley Ainslie Ajay Alaine Alameda Alana Alanah Alane Alanna Alayne Alberta Albertina Albertine Albina Alecia Aleda Aleece Aleecia Aleen Alejandra Alejandrina Alena Alene Alessandra Aleta Alethea Alex Alexa Alexandra Alexandrina Alexi Alexia Alexina Alexine Alexis Alfie Alfreda Ali Alia Alica Alice Alicea Alicia Alida Alidia Alina Aline Alis Alisa Alisha Alison Alissa Alisun Alix Aliza Alla Alleen Allegra Allene Alli Allianora Allie Allina Allis Allison Allissa Allsun Ally Allyce Allyn Allys Allyson Alma Almeda Almeria Almeta Almira Almire Aloise Aloisia Aloysia Alpa Alta Althea Alvera Alvina Alvinia Alvira Alyce Alyda Alys Alysa Alyse Alysia Alyson Alyss Alyssa Amabel Amabelle Amalea Amalee Amaleta Amalia Amalie Amalita Amalle Amanda Amandi Amandie Amandy Amara Amargo Amata Amber Amberly Ambrosia Ambur Ame Amelia Amelie Amelina Ameline Amelita Ami Amie Amity Ammamaria Amy Ana Anabel Anabella Anabelle Anais Analiese Analise Anallese Anallise Anastasia Anastasie Anastassia Anatola Andee Andi Andie Andra Andrea Andreana Andree Andrei Andria Andriana Andriette Andromache Andromeda Andy Anestassia Anet Anett Anetta Anette Ange Angel Angela Angele Angelia Angelica Angelika Angelina Angeline Angelique Angelita Angelle Angie Angil Angy Ania Anica Anissa Anita Anitra Anja Anjanette Anjela Ann Ann-Mari Ann-Marie Anna Anna-Diana Anna-Diane Anna-Maria Annabal Annabel Annabela Annabell Annabella Annabelle Annadiana Annadiane Annalee Annalena Annaliese Annalisa Annalise Annalyse Annamari Annamaria Annamarie Anne Anne-Corinne Anne-Mar Anne-Marie Annecorinne Anneliese Annelise Annemarie Annetta Annette Anni Annice Annie Annissa Annmaria Annmarie Annnora Annora Anny Anselma Ansley Anstice Anthe Anthea Anthia Antoinette Antonella Antonetta Antonia Antonie Antonietta Antonina Anya Aphrodite Appolonia April Aprilette Ara Arabel Arabela Arabele Arabella Arabelle Arda Ardath Ardeen Ardelia Ardelis Ardella Ardelle Arden Ardene

I was just sitting there doing nothing.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

When I got home, they were still there.