I've actually become quite inn-dependent.
From an email my cousin sent me:
I wanted to be a monk but I never got the chants.
I was kidnapped by mimes, they did unspeakable things to me.
The finest shoes are made of smooth leather, my opinion will never be suede.
A perfectionist walked into a bar - apparently it wasn't set high enough.
Man injured in bizarre peek-a-boo accident! He's in ICU.
Went to this horrible bar called "The Fiddle" ... it really was a vile inn.
To the thief who stole my glasses, I will find you - I have contacts.
If any of you knows how to fix hinges my door is always open.
Police car loses wheels to thief! Cops are working tirelessly to nab suspect.
Cold? Go stand in the corner, it's 90 degrees.
If your guy doesn't appreciate fresh fruit puns let that mango.
A few puns make me numb but math puns make me number.
My friend was explaining electricity and I was like "Watt"?
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me, I was like "What the hellman?"
Where did the Terminator find toilet paper? Aisle B, back.
Due to the quarantine I'll only be doing inside jokes.
It was a vile inn.
There was no womb in the inn.
There was no zoom at the inn.
Reception said they had a doctor on staff.
The doctor asked me lots of questions and I was then feeling much better.
I told reception I didn't expect a hotel would have a doctor on staff
They said it was a Spanish Inn Physician
I got sick at this small hotel in Madrid. I called the front desk and they told me they had a doctor on staff. After he made me feel better, I told him I was amazed that such a small place had a doctor. He nodded and said "NO ONE EXPECTS THE SPANISH INN PHYSICIAN!!!!
Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision...
Too much of an Inn joke.
His wakondo.
Hope requests are allowed, I have a vampire ( or similar) running an inn, "Bring out your bread" in a tabletop game and I need ideas for food and drinks. Currently I have steak, bloody Mary, Ham Helsing, and Bram Sausages Dracula ( that one didn't really work when I played it)
Any suggestions
It was an inn-side joke.
I think it would be a real Shoe Inn.
It's also called the Vile Inn.
.. Would they be called Kenny Log Inns?
A dazed inn!
Nobody expects the Spanish Inn Physician
Eats too inn the mourning end eye veal lyke ass leap
Everytime I knock on her door she won't let me Inn.
Allow me to regale you with a couple tales illustrating my late dad's sense of humor. Last names faked because I'm not that stupid.
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(1). At a routine PTA meeting about me in my Georgia school, everyone found themselves packed into a hot and stuffy room waiting for the boredom to end. Shoulder to shoulder fun, can you picture it?
My dad lets one rip. It's loud, smelly, and echoes. The room falls silent as the fart invites itself unfavorably to the nostrils of those in attendance.
He turns to my mom and with his best shocked face says, "... Patty!"
I like to think he slept on the couch that night.
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(2). During my old man's wait for us to arrive at the new home he had bought, he had to deal with ongoing construction and roughed it at a hotel for a few nights. He was a retired Master Chief Machinist's Mate, so cramped quarters reminded him of the sub's nuclear engine room. No biggie.
An interview comes up for a civilian nuclear power plant nearby, and before you know it my dad's sitting before these stuffy, serious, wrinkly old board members and managers, having his (mostly military) resume picked through.
"Well Mister Smith, we're impressed. Twenty two years is no small amount of time to dedicate to the service. But do you feel you're qualified to operate and audit a civilian fission power plant?"
My dad thinks on it for a second.
"Well no, sir, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night."
He got the job immediately.
(For those needing the reference)
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Thanks for caring to read. I miss him a lot and this subreddit always reminds me of his sense of dry, quick humor. Take care!
Les-B-inn
Let that sink inn!
It was inn-appropriate.
You're in a large city with a great port. You're in a nicer part of town, away from the water, in a nice inn. You're having a meal of potatoes. You look down - there's a toe! The toe smells like tar and fish. It stinks. Your neighbor leans over and says, "P.U.! That's not just any toe!! That's a portmanteau!"
My first son was recently born 5.5 weeks early (he's doing great!)
As such, we hadn't set up a crib or nursery room yet in our apartment. Sitting around with my wife and aunt last night talking about how stressed we were bringing a new baby home to an apartment where we had no place to put him inspired the following exchange.
Wife: "It was kind of like the baby Jesus...no room at the inn kind of situation." Me: "Yeah, we ended up having to have him spend the night with our goat."
(Pause)
Me again: "I felt really bad for the kid. And our son too."
020 8125 7830: Hello, I’m calling about the accident you had in the last two years. Me: Gosh how did you know I trapped my cock in the hotel drawer? 020 8125 7830: (hesitation) So you’ve had an accident within the last two years? Me: Yes I trapped my penis in the drawer at a Holiday Inn. Now it’s gone a funny colour, and hurts all the time. 020 8125 7830: (hesitation.....) Click.
BLOCKED.
Punk-inn.
Like pumpkin.
I'll go sit down...
Hollandaise Inn
Most of you probably won't get this one. It's an inn-joke
It was a Charlotte Inn.
You never know when they're going to come or how many inches your going to get!!
Thank you thank you, I'll be here all week at the Ramada Inn North, and please don't forget to tip your server!!
My first paycheck was washing the outside walls of a Ramada. It was an inn side job.
I just couldn't get a vibe for the place. On top of that, the lighting in the library area was terrible.
Hard to read inn.
It was a vile inn.
It was a vile inn.
It was a vile inn.
Because there was no Zoom at the Inn!
It was a vile inn
It was a vile inn
but I never drink there. It’s a vile inn.
It really was a vile Inn.
