Gnocchi Dokey
Typically within an arms length or less, in fact.
You poke 'em, mon!
just before the door closes a rabbit darts in and hides under a table. Confused, the bartender asks what's going on. "We're just here for the jokes." The priest replied, indicating himself and the pastor.
Nervously raising his head to look out the window, the rabbit mutters, "ducking autocorrect."
So they wouldn't let me return or enter. They even changed the caps locks.
Sources indicate The Police have no lead.
She stood me up.
I answered, βI donβt know, the indicator always says clean filter.β
A screwed driver
Mo-roccan.
This joke provided by dads giving babies a bottle in a rocking chair early in the morning.
WHO let the dogs out.
But the elder insisted "with fronds like these, you don't need enemas."
Because they don't want to be called "flying seamen".
At least that's what the sighentists say.
Must be the lack of fans.
dad responded: yes, no, yes, no.
It's wrong on so many levels.
While she's sitting there, she sees a young man who's jogging while eating a popsicle. All of a suddent, he begins to choke on his popsicle. The woman calls out to him, asking if he needs help, but the man quickly stops coughing, and gives her a thumbs up; indicating that he's fine.
About twenty minutes later, the young man passes by her again, now eating a hotdog. Just as before, he begins to choke on his hotdog. The woman calls to him, but again, the man gives her thumbs up, and confirms he's fine.
Another twenty minutes pass, and the young man once again jogs past her, while eating a bag of chips, where he, once again, begins to choke. He again assures the woman that he's fine, but this time, the woman decides enough is enough.
"This is the third time this has happened!" She screams. "Why can't you just sit down to eat?"
The man gives her a smile, and replies. "Because, ma'am, I'm a running gag."
It's a murder investigation.
I think he means a sign.
He talks.
This comic is perfect for this sub.
He indicated βDonβt worry. I breakfastβ
...but in case you don't:
that pronoun (1)
\ ΛtΝhat
, tΝhΙt
plural those\ ΛtΝhΕz
Definition of that
(Entry 1 of 5) 1a : the person, thing, or idea indicated, mentioned, or understood from the situation that is my father b : the time, action, or event specified after that I went to bed c : the kind or thing specified as follows the purest water is that produced by distillation d : one or a group of the indicated kind that's a catβquick and agile 2a : the one farther away or less immediately under observation or discussion those are maples and these are elms b : the former one 3a βused as a function word after and to indicate emphatic repetition of the idea expressed by a previous word or phrase he was helpful, and that to an unusual degree b βused as a function word immediately before or after a word group consisting of a verbal auxiliary or a form of the verb be preceded by there or a personal pronoun subject to indicate emphatic repetition of the idea expressed by a previous verb or predicate noun or predicate adjective is she capable? She is that
4a : the one : the thing : the kind : something, anything the truth of that which is true the senses are that whereby we experience the world what's that you say b those plural : some persons those who think the time has come
They are both indices!
(Credit to my math teacher Sir Neville)
[from NPR-- this sub doesn't allow link posts]
The annual turkey pardon is a silly tradition, and President Obama knows it. On Wednesday, before pardoning turkeys named Tater and Tot, Obama summed up his feelings about this particular duty.
"It is my great privilege β well, it's my privilege β actually, let's just say it's my job to grant them clemency this afternoon," Obama said.
Not in attendance for the president's final turkey pardoning ceremony were first daughters Sasha and Malia Obama, who gamely laughed alongside their father last year. So instead, the president's nephews Austin and Aaron Robinson stood by for what Obama called his "corny-copia of dad jokes about turkeys."
And thus began a pun-fest for the ages. Here's a list of President Obama's groaners from this year's pardoning ceremony:
"Actually [Sasha and Malia] just couldn't take my jokes anymore. They were fed up."
"What I haven't told them yet is we are going to do this every year from now on. No cameras, just us, every year. No way I'm cutting this habit cold turkey."
"Tater is here in a backup role just in case Tot can't fulfill his duties. So he's sort of like the vice turkey. We're working on getting him a pair of aviator glasses."
"I want to take a moment to recognize the brave turkeys who weren't so lucky. Who didn't get to ride the gravy train to freedom. Who met their fate with courage and sacrifice and proved that they weren't chicken."
[After touting positive economic indicators and the low uninsured rate] "That's worth gobbling about."
"We should also make sure everyone has something to eat on Thanksgiving. Of course, except the turkeys, because they're already stuffed."
"When somebody at your table tells you that you've been hogging all of the side dishes, you can't have any more, I hope that you respond with a creed that sums up the spirit of a hungry people: 'Yes, we cran.' "
"Look, I know there are some bad ones in here, but this is the last time I'm doing this, so we're not leaving any room for leftovers."
"And now from the Rose Garden, Tater and Tot will go to their new home at Virginia Tech, which is admittedly a bit hokey." (The Hokies are the Virginia Tech mascot.)
"And so let's get on with the pardoning. Because it's Wednesday afternoon and everyone knows that Thanksgiving traffic can put people in a foul mood."
[from NPR -- http://www.npr.org/2016/11/23/503178220/president-obamas-2016-turkey-pardon-dad-jokes-the-definitive-list?utm_source=facebook.com
... keep reading on reddit β‘For our anniversary my wife requested a printer/scanner. After doing some research I tell her that Brother would be a good brand to get.
"The one I'm looking at is black. That's a little bit racists, right?" Her face doesn't change, an indication that the joke failed and just to move on.
So she asks me if the printer has cables.
"Nope! It works through the wifi so you won't have to worry about wires! You can even print stuff from your phone!"
"Oh. So doesn't that mean I can't hook a Brother up?"
I was so proud of her.
Indices!
My wife drove by with the kids and visited me at work. While I was saying hi, this happened:
Wife: You have some silly kids in here.
Me: And in here [indicate my lab], I have some sili-cates!
(x-post from /r/TalesFromRetail)
[was told I should post it here as well]
This happened shortly after I started back to work in retail.
My grocery shift had just started and I was about to begin facing one end of an aisle when I spotted a man in his mid to late 30s at the other end of the aisle. We made eye contact and he made a beeline straight for me.
Me: "Hi. How are you today?"
Him: "Do you know what to do if you get a sudden urge to strip off all your clothes and run around naked in public?"
Now, at this moment, I'm not sure what's happening. I can't pick up any clues from his body language that would indicate where this conversation is going to go. I'm a wee bit concerned that this man is about to start taking off his clothes in front of me. Not exactly what I had planned for the day. He's staring at me intently, waiting for a reply. I don't want to spook him, so I do the only thing I can think of and that's just to stand there and stare at him silently.
After a few seconds, he says to me "Just spray yourself down with Windex. It prevents streaking. Have a nice day!"
He grins and walks away. I started laughing (a little too hysterically ... mostly because of relief).
A group of us were walking by a building expansion that's been under construction for a while when one of my coworkers said, "Look! They're installing the large glass windows on the front!"
I couldn't help but say, "I guess that's a pretty clear indicator they're making progress!"
There may or may not have been a face palm afterwards.
An ancient Babylonian general was once involved in a plot to overthrow the king. His plot included a number of followers in the upper ranks of the army. However, his plot was uncovered, and the king threw him in jail. The king sentenced him to death without a trial.
However, from the jail he was able to secretly contact his followers to arrange to escape, meet his followers, and attack the king's palace at night. So the night before his scheduled execution, the general managed to escape from prison. He fled to a ziggurat several kilometers away, where his followers would meet him. However, the ziggurat was one of several in the area, and he wasn't sure if his cohorts would find the right ziggurat. By this time it was twilight, so he lit a small fire and sent smoke signals to indicate in which structure he was hiding.
However, the king's loyal soldiers saw the smoke coming from the ziggurat, and came to arrest him before he could meet his followers. He was executed later that day.
The moral of the story? WARNING: The searching general has determined that smoking ziggurats can be extremely hazardous to your stealth.
I said, βHe was a poor boy, from a poor family...β
The eye roll indicated my job there was done.
Me: but what does this mean?
Dad: ok google, this
/Γ°Ιͺs/
pronoun
used to identify a specific person or thing close at hand or being indicated or experienced.
"is this your bag?"
A woman was at a gas station filling her car with gas. She inserted the nozzle and began filling the car with gas. As she waited for the car to fill, she lit a cigarette and began to smoke it. The car clicked to indicate it was full of gas, and she pulled the filler out of the car. Some gas leaked out of the filler onto her sweater arm, and a spark from the cigarette lit her arm on fire. The woman began to scream for help, and waved her arm about trying to put the fire out. A highway patrolman who happened to be nearby ran over and saw the woman flailing about in pain. Without hesitation, he pulled his handgun out of the holster and shot her three times. A few weeks later in court, the judge asked the patrolman why on earth he shot that woman? The patrolman answers, "well your honor, she was waving around a firearm!"
I think the earlier challenges in comprehensive diagnosis came from the difficulty in getting results from patients. BMI is so easy it's automatic.
Meanwhile, getting body fat percentage required calipers or an intensive water displacement test. The distribution of body fat is never concrete; when does back fat stop and butt fat begin? Then, negative physiological effects of these two is the third indicator. Those need a host of diagnoses.
We are moving to a time when getting those figures has never been easier and thus could have never before been done on a large scale.
you probably think you can indicate wind direction
My wife comes into the room where I'm changing our first son, and says, "Whats up."
I, busy and slightly frustrated with his wet clothes replied, "Urine trouble."
Afraid that this was indication of her bad mothering she asked, "What did I do?"
Took us a couple minutes to get through that one.
