A two-star officer was so vain about how good he looked in the updated uniform...
...he ordered all flare guns to be loaded with an action figure in his likeness. That's right:
the Very model of a modern major general.
My dealer got me the last of this in-demand strain called Death Star.
He says I'm lucky before he Alderaan out.
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the fuck is my roof ?
In honor of Star Wars Day (May The Fourth), here’s a themed dad joke!
Did you know the temperature of a Bacta tank is lukewarm?
Ms Wilson, Australian star of the Pitch Perfect movies has announced she no longer believes in Santa.
She is a Rebel without a Claus.
Chewbacca of Star Wars was once a great baseball player in The Major Leagues. . . . . .
Seriously, he won Wookie of the year.
What do you call a neon sheep in the Star Wars universe?
Who stared as Han Solo in the Scandinavian remake of Star Wars?
Tell a man there are three hundred billion stars in the universe, and he believes you.
Tell him a bench has wet paint on it, and he has to touch it to be sure.
Last night as I lay in bed staring at the stars I thought to myself
Where the heck is the ceiling?
So I was laying in bed last night, looking up at the stars.
Then I realised. Where the f*** is my roof?
What do you call a statue in the star wars shop?
What does a 6'10" Irishman with a sunburn have in common with the star named Betelgeuse?
They're both red giants, and way bigger than my son(sun).
Why can't Mike Tyson live in the Star Wars universe?
Because it's inhothpitable.
Why did the Star Wars movies come out in 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3?
Yoda: In charge of scheduling, I was.
In a vote for my favourite film of the Star Wars franchise ...
... ‘Solo’ would win Hans down.
(I’m sure that’s been done before but it’s new to me. Sorry if that’s the case! Meanwhile I am trying to come up with a version about who shot first - Han or Greedo - but Solo had one Han up and the other under the table, so not both Hans and not really “down” either. Shucks)
So I was singing All Star in the car the other day, and my friend asked “How do you know all the words” so I swiftly replied:
Whoever did this is certainly a rising star in the company.
If the family that popularized gull-winged doors had a baby girl, and they wanted to name her in honor of Star Wars...
She could be Amanda Mandalorian DeLorean
You know, sometimes, as I lie in bed, looking up into the great night sky, counting each star and watching the moon slowly float by, I think to myself:
"Where the fuck is my roof?"
Friend: "I created the brightest star in the night sky."
Me: "You can't possibly B Sirius."
Why was the Death Star measured in miles?
Because they used Imperial units.
The next Disney+ project, is a Star Wars/ Back to the Future crossover. Deer Brown gets a bounty hunter to stay in the car.
That way, they'll always have the Manned Delorean available.
One night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars and I said to myself,
“My roof has disappeared”
The "I am your father" part in Star Wars was really out of hand.
Just saw the star of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend preform in London for the first and (maybe) only time.
It was a 'once in Bloom moon' experience.
What do the star ship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common?
They both look for "cling ons" around "Uranus"
In honor of the new Star Wars trailer.
What type soda do you get covered in if you sleep under the stars?
The actor for Skywalker in Star Wars made a lot of money from his work in the franchise.
One might say, it was Lucrative.
For star wars day this past weekend I made cookies in the shape of a wookie.
They were a little Chewey.
At the pre-screen for Solo, a Star Wars Story. They gave us these in our cup holders. I love nerds. I love puns.
What did Yoda say when he watched Star Wars for the first time in 4K?
In the Star Wars Universe, they don't eat baby wookiees ...
because they are a little chewy.
In Star Wars episode 3, when order 66 was given. All the Jedi were killed
Why did the banana want to star in the movies?
Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the order: 456123?
In charge of the sequence. Yoda was.
Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the order 4 5 6 1 2 3?
In charge of the sequence. Yoda was.
One night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars and I said to myself,
“My roof has disappeared.”
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