I want to set up cloning machine in your house too
πŸ‘︎ 738
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shanky-phantom
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2021
🚨︎ report
You definitely do not want a bunch of fungus in your house.

There isn't mush room for it.

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Son to me: hey daddy! What do you call a bug that's not in your house?

An out-sect

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SupahBihzy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you keep your house warm in the wintertime?

With paint. Put on two coats.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2021
🚨︎ report
If you live in the Arctic you can get seals brought to your house by polar bears.

Ursine seal delivered.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/donttakethechip
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2021
🚨︎ report
Bounty Paper Towels has introduced a drone which will retrieve a TV remote from anywhere in your house...

It’s the β€œClicker Picker Upper.”

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you know that certain rooms in your house can change your citizenship?

If you go to the bathroom, European

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nimito_burrito
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Amazon has come up with a new service where they deliver custom made suits to your house in 48 hours.

It’s called Tailor Swift.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Where is the safest place in your house during a zombie apocalypse?

The Living Room!

Credit goes to this old man at my job. He's full of em.

πŸ‘︎ 157
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hadeon_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2018
🚨︎ report
"I make the rules in this house, son. You're going to have to listen to me for the rest of your life."

"You mean for the rest of your life, dad."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Guys beware of sinΒ²x +cosΒ²x if you see it in your house

After all, it can commit IDENTITY theft

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/YOUmang
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
🚨︎ report
When you're an entomologist, your girlfriend calls you to save her every time there's a bug in her house

Any time there's an insect in my girlfriend's house she calls me over to handle it, usually to cup it and throw it outside. On this fine occasion I observed what looked like a very small roach (Order: Blattodea), possibly a german roach, the kind that are much less freaky huge but more likely to infest a house. Not wanting to take any chances with a german roach infestation, I immediately smashed the little guy instead of saving him.

My GF asks, "what was it? a roach?"

The body is pretty squished and it's hard to see any identifiable features.

I say, "I'm pretty sure it's a Splattodea"

πŸ‘︎ 157
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RobosaurusRex2000
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2017
🚨︎ report
My wife's friends are coming over, so she's said, "Don't walk around the house in your underwear."

I guess that gives me an excuse to be naked then.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Is it okay to peek into your neighbor’s house if you are still technically in your own property?

Personally I’m on the fence.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Statistics say you are most likely to get in a car accident within 1.5 km of your house.

I'm moving!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NormanBurgundy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
🚨︎ report
what animal can make your house cat come to you no matter where they are in the house?

tuna can

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PM_me_ur_Pet-pics
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I went over to my dad's house this morning for breakfast. With a worried look, I turned to him and said, "Dad, did you know there's mold in your fridge?"

He came over and saw this. I honestly don't know why he wasn't prepared for that.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/grammarxcore
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2018
🚨︎ report
In old days it was considered very lucky to have a hen lay her eggs near the inside of the entrance of your house

As soon as a person walks in and sees this, they would know to expect good luck and fortune from the owner of the house and the whole family, but only if all of the chicks hatch and are all healthy. Every time you left a house, it was considered good luck to look at the hen, and wish it well to have all of its chicks born happy, healthy, and for the hen to live a long life. This is why they call it an egg-sit!!!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jonmeservy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2018
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.