Imagine being held at gunpoint by (bear with me) a literate animal, and the only hope of rescue is (BEAR WITH ME) posting a coded message on social media.
wHo the hEll would beLieve such a thing can hapPen.
Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight
There would be a mass confusion
Whenever I go to bed I imagine I'm a cop
Queen's Birthday Weekend this weekend. Imagine if it were for the band Queen. Let's imagine it is.
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
Imagine the titanic with a lisp..
My wife came up to me and said "I'm pregnant"
I said "Hi pregnant, I'm going to be Dad"
Imagine eating a clock
That would be time consuming.
Imagine how happy Barn Owls were...
When people finally started making barns
Imagine having a job at a Candy Store
This is (practically) the corniest gift imaginable. At the bottom of the soon to be gift wrapped box of corniness was a pair of Korn tickets for my lady...who enjoys my corny puns.
Imagine being the guy who invented hand sanitizer.
Bet he is rubbing his hands right now.
I picked this pun, although it could use a little door imagination.
Name woes... translation: imagine the difficulty when she is ashes what her name is by French people..
Imagine a boat made of potatoes shaped like male genitalia... It's a dictatorship
Why was the Calendar so depressed?
He knew his days were numbered
Imagine a world without toilet paper turning to Hollywood for answers...
I just got back from the doctor, and was diagnosed with a faulty imagination
I can't make this shit up
Physicist: how to imagine 10-dimensional spacetime?
Mathematician: imagine n-dimensional spacetime first and then let n=10.
I can only imagine the frustration behind the making of modern Looney Tunes shows.
There has to be a lot of Bugs in the programs they use.
Imagine being such a literal piece of trash...
Can't imagine someone not understanding what erectile dysfunction is
I hope Elon Musk never gets caught up in a major scandal
I just imagine Elon-Gate would be really drawn out....
I was surprised when I caught my son smoking weed upstairs...
I never imagined my house would have a drug attic.
Imagine someone with twelve breasts
I imagine pteranodons enjoyed getting stuffed on holidays too ;)
Cannot imagine the trauma
Imagine cows that eat humans
Did you know you cannot breath through the nose while you're smiling?
My wife saw an ant picking up a leaf 5 times its body weight, and told me, “Can you imagine being that strong?”
So I picked up the leaf and said, “Yes.”
Imagine being able to write with your finger
Just imagine.... a world without hypothetical situations
Imagine if the Americans started using Kilograms to measure weight.
There would be mass confusion.
I always sing Radioactive by Imagine Dragons to my son on his birthday.
He should feel welcome to the new age.
Imagine a world where monkeys have given up tobacco.
Imagine trying to eat a clock
It’d be so time consuming
Many French guillotine victims had their heads
Fictional singer name imagined as four albums.
I keep imagining I’m holding an invisible pack of cards.
No one knows what I’m dealing with.
Pretty sure I just discovered a new color that’s not on the color wheel -
Though it could just be a pigment of my imagination.
Could you imagine a reality where every container you opened was filled with German sausage?
That's really the Wurst Case Scenario
I have a spouse in a different nation.
As a colorblind man, i thought i saw red for the first time
Turns out it was only a pigment of my imagination
My son gets to play a frosted cinnamon biscuit in the school play!
Imagine how ridiculous a skunk would be if it didn't spray...
It wouldn't make any scents!
Imagine you're posing for the camera right now
Imagine that you are Benjamin Franklin and you are flying a kite in a thunderstorm
What happens next will shock you!
My grandfathers last wish was that we convert his ashes into a diamond.
That’s a lot of pressure.
Ever dream of a world where desserts are endless?
Judge: Order in the court!
Me: I'll have a cheeseburger and fries
Got my son on this one yesterday. He was listening to imagine dragons.
Me: Do they ever play this band on the radio?
son: of course its imagine dragons.
me: so they are active on the radio?
son: looks at me for a second, oh jeez
me: so they are radio-active!
Can you imagine cured meat? Sitting around, brining all day, never lifting a finger.
Imagine you’re about to be attacked by a giant scorpion. What do you do?
Imagine something cool here
Imagine if you were a fridge.
That would be pretty cool.
We should all thank Bill Gates during Covid-19...
Imagine how boring quarantine would be if he hadn't invented Windows.
My son can fix all your plumbing, bring your electrical up to code and handle any framing or carpentry you could imagine
Wouldn't it have been amazing if John Lennon had invented that device that you put in your front door to secretly see who's on the other side.
I mean, imagine all the peepholes.
My wife and I went to see a psychiatrist. "What can I do for you?" he asked. "Our son has got an imaginary friend." said my wife.
"There is nothing wrong with a good healthy imagination to help a child to develop and this is very common and nothing to worry about at all." said the psychiatrist.
I grimaced, "We haven't got a son."
Imagine living with super annoying grizzlies...
The recipe said, “Set the oven to 180 degrees.”
Now I can’t open the oven, as the door faces the wall.
Imagine if there were oak breast implants...
That would be awful, wooden tit?
Imagine if America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight.
There'd be mass confusion.
Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight.
There would be a mass confusion
Imagine eating a clock...
That would be time consuming...
Can you imagine if the Titanic had a lisp?
Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight…
There would be mass confusion.
Imagine being held at gunpoint (bear with me) by a literate animal,
and the only hope of rescue is (BEAR WITH ME) posting a coded message on Reddit.
Imagine the Titanic with a lisp...
Imagine what would happen if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight...
There would be mass confusion!
Imagine being held at gunpoint (bear with me) by a literate animal, and the only hope of rescue is (BEAR WITH ME) posting a coded message on Reddit.
Imagine trying to eat a clock
It would be so time consuming
Imagine if we Americans switched from pounds to kilograms over night.
There would be mass confusion.
Imagine trying to eat a clock
I keep imagining I'm holding an invisible pack of cards.
No one knows what I'm dealing with.
Imagine the Titanic with a lisp.
Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight...
There would be mass confusion
Imagine if you were a German sausage
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