My dad's not allowed to speak Japanese, let alone teach the language. But there's nothing that says he can't teach Japanese cooking and geography. So far, I just learned the cooking tools and the location of the country.
This is Japan, this is ja-spatula, this is ja-whisk, this is ja-wok, this is ja-mixer, this is ja-fork, this is ja-spoon, and these are ja-chopsticks.
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︎ Jan 24 2021
The owner of the tuxedo store kept hovering over me when I was browsing, so I asked him to leave me alone.
He said, βFine. Suit yourself.β
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︎ Aug 14 2020
I have to tell someone about this because I'm at home alone with my 2 year old and 11 month old, and they're to young to understand my best dad joke ever.
My 2 year old has cereal in her snack cup and just showed me that there was a piece of cereal in her sleeve. I said, "Looks like you got some tricks up your sleeve." GUESS WHAT KIND OF CEREAL SHE WAS EATING!.....IT WAS TRIX!
Edit: Thanks for my first gold!
π︎ 13k
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︎ May 18 2020
I was alone in the bath
Imagine my surprise when I felt a tap on my shoulder!
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︎ Oct 05 2020
This guy just approached me and wonβt leave me alone until I solve a trigonometry problem.
I donβt know what his angle is.
π︎ 9
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︎ Sep 10 2020
I had to choose between three cats. The first was super affectionate, like a dog. The second prefers to be alone all the time. I picked the third, whose personality is somewhere in between.
I named him Meat Loaf because he would do anything for love, but he wonβt do that.
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︎ Nov 08 2020
She was drinking alone so I went over to her and gave her my best pickup line...
She's apparently not a Ford F-series fan.
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︎ Aug 01 2020
In my sleep I once dreamt I was sad and alone
Some would say I'm living the dream.
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︎ Jul 15 2020
While living alone and always wearing a mask in public, I grew a mustache without anyone knowing.
Itβs my secret βstache.
π︎ 10
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︎ Aug 10 2020
I saw an interview with Sean Connery about how he used to scuba dive for seafood. He said, "everytime I saw a crab or lobster with a scrap of food, it was frantically seaching for a place to hide so it could eat alone. Then I thought to myself,
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︎ Apr 15 2020
I know it's bad but leaf me alone... you're the root of all my problems.
π︎ 49
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︎ Feb 07 2020
I stole this, just leaf me alone
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︎ Mar 08 2018
I live alone on a lake
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︎ Apr 28 2020
Iβm feeling very alone
Havenβt spoken to anyone this whole year
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︎ Jan 01 2020
Wanna know why I prefer to ride the elevator alone?
I canβt take the stares.
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︎ Jul 19 2019
I was alone in the desert, hungry, and couldn't think of any puns...
.. then I met this magical pig, and she gave me a potion to make me funnier.
Best ham sand witch ever.
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︎ Mar 09 2019
I asked my kid to make us a honeymoon salad. Lettuce alone.
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︎ May 01 2019
Wife called and asked "Are you alone?" I replied...
"Yes with no interest" and hung up.
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︎ Oct 07 2019
I fernly beleaf my tree puns are qualitree, you can leaf me alone if you disagreen.
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︎ Nov 14 2018
I need time alone
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︎ Mar 17 2018
Mom always said "leave bees alone and they won't hurt you." At first, I disagreed.
π︎ 9
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︎ Jun 20 2018
I was walking home alone, so I decided to call my dad...
He said "just buy a stock if you need some company."
Sometimes, I can't bear him.
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︎ May 01 2019
My friends were convinced that boats stay docked due to the anchor. I knew the real answer, but I was alone so I decided not to argue.
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︎ Apr 18 2019
Wanted to measure my height with a tape measure but couldn't do it alone. "Dad, can I borrow you for a minute?"
"Sure, as long as you give me back"
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︎ Jul 12 2014
I want to learn a Filipino language, but I don't want to do it alone.
Will someone Tagalog with me?
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︎ Dec 29 2018
I've decided just to leave my hair alone and let it do what it wants.
I've adopted a laissez-haire policy.
π︎ 4
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︎ Jan 19 2019
I was shopping for a tuxedo, and I had to tell the pushy salesman to leave me alone.
He said, βFine. Suit yourself.β
π︎ 17
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︎ Oct 09 2018
I was alone in a bar when a random voice told me I looked amazing
I asked the waiter who it was."It's the nuts," he said, "they're complimentary."
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︎ Apr 02 2018
I was driving alone on the road the other day and passed a dead animal.
I slowly shook my head and said
"Ohhhhhh........Possum....."
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︎ Feb 11 2018
I saw a book "A Guide to Dying Alone". It looked interesting untill I read the first few pages.
it was about doing your own hair colour.
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︎ Dec 18 2015
My dad's response when I told him "Leave me alone, I'm on edge"
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︎ Feb 11 2014
I dadjoked myself today. I was alone.
I was listening to NPR, and the host was interviewing some astro science major, talking about Steven Hawking's black hole theory.
Then the host asks "what are gravity waves?" During the guests NPR require pause, I said aloud to myself "...this is some heavy shit."
My immediate, stupid reaction
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︎ May 11 2015
I asked my dad why he always says I need to work on my defense when I play basketball alone.
Cause the ball keeps going over de'fence'
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︎ Jun 01 2014
The guy at the tuxedo store keeps hovering around me, so I asked him to leave me alone.
He said, βFine. Suit yourself.β
π︎ 9k
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︎ Mar 18 2019
The tailor at the tuxedo store kept hovering around me, so I asked him to leave me alone.
He said, βFine. Suit yourself.β
π︎ 44
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︎ Nov 30 2019
The guy at the tuxedo store was hovering over me, so I asked him to leave me alone.
He said, βFine. Suit yourself.β
π︎ 4
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︎ Feb 13 2020
The shopkeeper at the tuxedo store kept hovering over me, so I told him to leave me alone.
He said, βFine. Suit yourself.β
π︎ 5
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︎ Jun 29 2019
The tailor at the tuxedo shop was constantly trying to measure me, so I asked him to leave me alone.
He said, βFine. Suit yourself.β
π︎ 41
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︎ Jan 24 2019
Is it just me or am I alone here?
π︎ 6
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︎ Dec 10 2017
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