I was considering investing in a Chinese distillery but decided against it.
I was thinking of going as a bandaid this Halloween, but then decided against it.
I find it really hard to pull it off.
After many years of therapy, my psychologist has finally cured me of the desire to sit in the corner in public and blow on people that walk by! But now I have the urge to wear teen idol t-shirts and lean against the wall...
Long time fan, first time poster.
I stood, rubbing a piece of plywood that was leaning against the wall, waiting for someone to notice.
“What are you doing, dad?”
I sigh a long, heavy sigh.
“Not much, just feeling board.”
I received a verifiable threat against my Boston cream pie
So I had it placed in protective custardy
I made a discovery in my attic that my evil house is plotting against me...
I discovered the floor plans!
I hate arguing against circular reasoning
I promised my classmate I’d stay totally still whilst he did his maths homework against my back.
“Good” he said, “because I’m counting on you”.
I can’t win arguments against sharp knives
They’ve always got the best points
When the third zero came up, I promptly bet my money against another one appearing...
...and quickly lost everything.
It was all four naughts.
I left the hospital against medical advice...
So I wanted to marry a muskmelon against my family's will
Unfortunately I cantaloupe
Against my better judgement, I ordered a European bride. When I called and asked how long I'd have to wait, they told me...
"The Czechs in the mail."
I decided against a demonstration on how glasses are manufactured.
I realised it would make a spectacle
I stubbed my toe against a gold bar
I’m against picketing
but I don’t know how to show it
This Halloween I was planning to go as a band aid, but decided against it.
It’s really hard to pull off.
I lost a court case against a fabric softener
I fought Lenor and Lenor won!
I never gamble against cattle farmers
They're too good at raising steaks
My dad just legit made this joke: i was playing NHL20 and I hit a dude against the glass and got a penalty..
My dad looked at me and said “I think your player went to Boarding School.”
I once won an argument against an amputee.
As it turns out, he didn't have a leg to stand on.
P.S: I have nothing against Germany
My friend told me i couldn't make a percussion-like sound by moving my fingers against each other
I can picture the powers of the future, stronger than ever, and the resistance fighting desperately against them for freedom...
Before every battle, the resistors meditate saying, "ohm..."
I can see why PETA are against it.
I'd cut the grass but it's against the lawn.
ha ha ha ha ha ha get it?!?!?
For years I was against organ transplants
Then I had a change of heart
I was rubbing a lamp containing fermented soya beans and suddenly a mythical creature popped up and started making sexist remarks against women.
I stubbed my toe against the couch.
I was going to bake some Hitler-shaped cookies but decided against it.
That sort of thing always leaves a nazi taste in everyone's mouth.
I once played Texas Hold Em against a sheet of paper.
My friend is considering selling lamps but I advised against it
Seems like a shady business
Vaccinations may not cause autism, but I am still strongly against them
When I first got vaccinated I couldn’t walk or even talk for a year and a half.
I checked myself out of the hospital against my doctor's wishes.
I am strongly against parents vaccinating their children.
They should have a medical professional do it for them.
This is probably against the rules but I'm posting it anyway
I just won a case against the carnival who fired me.
My wife and I were battling against the mould in our closet... We failed...
I guess they were the champignons
I won a battle against a spider by pulling off all its legs...
You could say I de-feeted-it.
I was reading a piece of fan fiction about a girl so beautiful, all the heroes wanted to make her their wife, yet so powerful, no villain dared fighting her. They rather sought legal action against her.
Had to lay it down, I can't stand these marry/sue charakters.
I want to file a lawsuit against U2, but I am finding it impossible to hire a lawyer.
Either they charge a lot of money, or they are pro bono.
At first, I was really against my daughter dating a Russian guy...
But if it makes her happy then Soviet.
I made a dumb mistake and tried to pick a fight against sound.
I won but now everything hertz.
I thought about cracking a joke to my wife’s sewing club, but decided against it.
They were already in stitches.
I appreciate the stance they make against child soldiers
I was driving my German girlfriend around in my older banger, the heavy rain clattering against my windshield. As the journey went on, I realised that she has this really weird obsession with snakes.
She kept telling me that I need vipers.
I saw two huge ratios fighting against each other.
It was a war of epic proportions.
I've been champaigning against alcohol abuse.
I was thinking of going as a band-aid for Halloween, but then decided against it.
It would be really hard to pull off.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
