so I had to ground him.
He's doing better currently.
And conducting himself properly.
but graphing is where I draw the line
My dad asked, "so you like both men and women?"
I responded with, "yeah, but I'm not seeing anyone right now"
He said, "so you must be on stand-bi"
Too many red flags.
ME: ...And?
Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo, Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida, Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina, Lily, Arne, Bette, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl, Isabel, Ada, Ned, Dee, Rena, Joel, Lora, Cecil, Aaron, Flora, Tina, Arden, Noel, and Ellen.
It was worth every penne.
I gave her a shoulder to crayon.
"The trebuchet is amazing! Go get our daughter!"
I wonder what sheโs up to now.
It was from ancient Greece
"Itโs pasture bedtime!โ
Thats how i lost my job as a bus driver
But then I saw her face.
I never got a straight answer.
Turns out I canโt focus!
[deleted]
Itโs a small price toupee
Nothing and orange have completely different ending sounds.
My thoughts are with his family.
I told them we only accept cash.
... foreign
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
He said "There was a sail."
I still donโt get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton...
But they had naan.
The kid behind the counter said, sorry we only take cash or credit cards
She got up, unplugged my laptop and threw out my beerโฆ.
EDIT: Thanks for the kind awards... My first ever! โค๏ธ
They had a long conversation about bark.
Edit: Y'all are nuts! We're somewhere north of 10k upvotes now, so I'll direct any remaining attention to Boot Camp for New Dads.
When I got home, they were still there.
It's half empty.
I didn't understand the gravity of the situation.
Edit: thanks for the awards, kind strangers!
Gamora: "I am going to die surrounded by the biggest idiots in the galaxy."
It was the hardest day of my life
After 3 mins all charges were dropped due to lack of evidence
He said "I don't think that's a weakness"
"Well I don't give a f* what you think"
and yet according to Kraft Dinner, Iโm a 4-person family
i never know she sold flowers
It was the hardest dump I ever took
I think she is in love with me.
I was so concerned I jumped up and ran over to him...
Earlier that day my friend and I who were really into mountain biking had been using really sticky letters to put our names on our bikes. We were working near the general area of the BBQ.
Apparently I had dropped one...
Stuck to the bottom of my dads foot was the letter B....
A legendary dad joke from a legendary dad.
....you can safely wear it on your head... because it's capsized.
They said it was grounds for termination.
