I’m so excited it’s spring time
I’m so excited! Scientists have tested cloning on humans.
I’m so excited that my wife and I are finally visiting San Francisco to see the Golden Gate in person.
She asked me, “What are you going to do when we see it?”
Me: We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.
A terrorist walks into a bar and says I'm so excited to show everyone this cool bomb they're gonna be blown away!!
I’m so excited that I got my first acting gig as a mime in a silent movie.
I’m absolutely speechless.
I'm so excited to have kids someday
Boyfriend: Did you hear about the mite that's killing all the honeybees?
Me: You don't know that!
Boyfriend: What? I thought I read something about it.
Me: Well, it isn't for sure! But it mite bee.
I'm so proud. My 12-year old told this joke during dinner: What degree does Dr. Pepper have?
My school bully told me I’m bad at come-backs. So I told them that
that- uhhh... that they- they’re- uhhh- stup- I mean- uhm...
Two horses in a field, one says to the other “I’m so hungry, I could eat a horse’
This one is bad. I’m so sorry.
"Hey man so I was walking trough the forest yesterday and I came across this complete freak. He was laughably tall and thin and wore a suit in the woods like a weirdo. I'm certain he's some kind of psycho stalker."
I’m excited it see Pun: The Musical
I’ve recently discovered I’m terrified of elevators, so I’m taking steps to avoid them.
I was a little afraid of speed bumps too, but I’m slowly getting over them!
UPDATE: Thank you so much for all the upvotes and amazing responses, fellow Dad Joke lovers.
You make the world a happier place! 🤩
I'm working hard on something now so I can peacefully do nothing in retirement...
So I'm givin it all for nothing
I'm so poor that when I go on vacation
My Bluetooth speaker wasn’t working so I threw it into the lake.
I was so excited that 2020 is almost over.
Then I realized after 2021 is 2020 too.
In surgery my doctor said, "So what do we have here?" I replied that I broke my arm in 12 places."
He replied, "Well, stop going to those places then!"
Guys, today was my first day in the navy and I felt so lost!
I’m excited for Jan 1, 2021
Then I can finally say that hindsight is 2020.
I've had M.C. Hammer music in my head so much today that's it's giving me a headache. I took 2 Tylenol, but....
So I'm a truck driver...
Whenever I have to sign for paperwork when picking up a load, occasionally I am asked to sign and date the bills. Whenever I'm asked to sign and date them I say "I can't date these, I'm married!"
My mom has 3 kids. My brother was born a gas, my sister a liquid and I am a solid. Yesterday my mom looked upset so I asked her what was wrong. She said "I'm pregnant"
So I said "Okay, what's the matter?"
So I'm listening to music the other day when my wife comes home.
She asks, "Are you listening to Milli Vanilli?"
I said "Girl, you know it's truuuuuue!"
I hate the word "xenophobia", it sounds so...
So, I'm taking up leatherwork? Don't know anything about it, but, . . . .
I'm going to give it my awl!
My wife said she wanted to take me out. I was so excited...
Until I saw the body bag.
I'm in a band called Dyslexia....
We've just released our Greatest Shit album.
So I'm not fat but I tried the rowing machine
I’m so bored that I just memorized six pages of the dictionary.
I learned next to nothing.
My son never does his laundry so one day I got fed up and told him "If you don't start cleaning your clothes I'm going to leave you all my dirty clothes in my will!"
Sorry, just had to heir my dirty laundry
I'm allergic to sesame seeds, so back in Year 3 at primary school, people would tell this joke:
What show is Dec allergic to?
Sesame Street!
I meant to cross post it but I don’t know why I cannot cross post so here is the screenshot version
My wife got mad at me because I wouldn’t stop singing “I’m a Believer” by the Monkees. At first, I thought she was kidding.
Was so proud of my boys. I just asked them what we should call the can opener that just broke. I’m an instant they said, “A can’t opener?” They will be good dads someday!
A pic for anyone who wants to see it:
https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/lum6ev/so_if_this_is_broken_would_it_now_be_a_cant_opener/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
I'm so old, I remember when . . .
Dad jokes we're just called "jokes".
I am sick and tired of people calling me lazy, so I'm going to kill myself.
But, the gun is all the way over there.
We just bought our new dream house and as I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs!?" I chuckled and replied, "Awwwww sweetie...."
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
I’m so excited for spring
I'm so excited that it's finally spring,
I’m so excited that it’s spring
I'm so excited for spring...
I get so excited for spring...
My wife was so excited when Spring came,
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