Holder v Holder Puns

"Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder!"

He put a water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.

Background: My family was at the lake today. The lake was a little choppy today so when we went on the boat we hit one really big wave where the front end of the boat came crashing down hard. My nephew (7) just happened to be sitting on a cup holder and it hurt his butt when we landed.

We got back to the house and my nephew said...

Nephew: my butt hurts. I think its broken.

Me: did I ever tell you about the time I broke my butt?

Nephew: no. Is it still broken?

Me: yeah. There’s a big crack in it still.

He didn’t get it. But all the other adults laughed/rolled their eyes. Stupid joke I know, but I don’t care.

Beauty is, after all, in the eye of the bee holder

...in the eye of the butt holder.

A steak holder

I'm a steak-holder.

They always try to keep stake holders happy

Because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder

Whenever someone asked where the butterfly pea flower tea was, we would say, “Blue tea is in the aisle of the pea holder.”

With vinyl everyone can be a record holder.

For instance it needs to have adequate cub holders.

I guess beauty is in the eyes of the beer holder.

Every single one of them. As the saying goes, "Beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder."

Brewed Tea is in the eye of the Bee Holder

Truly, brewed tea was in the eye of the bee-holder.

An old beekeeper had been raising bees for years. He'd had many bees he gave names to, like Buzz or Stripe or Sting. He got a kick out of naming them and he would spend hours with them crawling on his hands, looking at them, holding them gently and humming little songs.

One year, the hive had a new queen, and she was the most magnificent thing he'd ever seen. He usually gave them clever names like Honey, but this one was just too gorgeous for that. He named her Beauty, and he would hum to her everyday as the sun went down.

One day, during a particularly beautiful sunset, the old man was watching his queen as she peddled around in the palm of his hand, singing to her gently, when a gust of wind suddenly blew some debris toward his face. Without thinking, he reacted, moving his hands fast toward his face, and smashed the queen right into his own eye. And so I guess what they say is true, Beauty really is in the eye of the bee holder.

Because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.

I guess booty is in the eye of the bee holder.

Stock holders are TENSE

Walked into a shop and asked the manager if they had any cigars. The guy said no, but we have cigar holders. Damn; close, but no cigar.

we spent the car ride home talking about the famous world runners and their impressive times and such. When we got home my dad said:

Dad: "You know I'm actually a record holder myself"

Me: "Wait really? In what event?"

Dad runs downstairs and comes back up with the biggest grin on his face, and holding a box of vinyl records

I am their main stake holder.

I have always made dad jokes, when my fiancé got pregnant I was happy because I could get away with saying them now. I was at training for my new job the other day and we were booked in for lunch at a local steakhouse.

The trainer was asking us about stake holders in the company and she said who are our stake holders? To which I replied "I don't know but I will be a steak holder at lunch" the rest of the class then all moaned and let me know how I was such a dad except for the other dad in the class who joined me laughing hysterically!

I showed her a toilet paper holder that'll keep our cats from playing with it.

Me: What do you think of this for the bathrooms? SO: It's okay but what about the one sheet that'll hang out? Can't the cats get to that? Me: Maybe but honestly I don't give a sheet. SO: ...STFU

Several people went to the ER with facial burns.

Truly, brewed tea was in the eyes of the bee-holders.

This is an homage to my buddy Allen who is a master at puns in general and of puns of the antanaclasis variety in particular.

Allen likes to write fan fiction for Vladimir Nabokov's novel "Lolita". In Allen's version, the young girl tries to seduce an older man with hacky knock knock jokes. One example: "Hey big boy, I want to whisper something in your ear... Did you know Knock-Knock Jokes may result in swollen knuckles?"

The copyright holders have requested he take the jokes out. They said to knock off knock-off knuckle knock-knocks in Nabokov knock-offs.

So my friend says they know someone with a brilliant sense of beauty. Like, they can spot masterpiece artwork from just a glance. Apparently they work at a bee apiary, and keep bees, so I have no idea how they came across this skill.

But I guess its true what they say. Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder.

My dad keeps some hand sanitizer on-hand next to him in his car. As my dad was driving, I saw that there was a bit of hand sanitizer that had spilled onto his cup holder.

Me: Hey dad, did you spill purell?

Dad: P-U-R-E-L-L.

Me: What?

Dad: You asked me if I spelled purell, but I didn't so now I did!

Me: groans Okay Dad, did you spill purell?? [Emphasized pronunciation of word]

Dad No I didn't spill purell... because that's germ-x.

Me: groaning intensifies

I spun the board in a way that it bumped into my dad's letters. One of them got knocked out of the holder and fell to the ground. Upon revealing to me what letter it was, my dad says "Hey! You poked my I out!"

Long story short, my dad bought a used truck and worked over every crevice to make sure he wasn't getting a lemon. Well he checked everywhere except the emergency car jack holder: the jack was gone.

So he asks for a jack for Christmas. Being a perfect son, I blew him off and promptly forgot about the whole deal until today, Christmas Day. I apologized and told him, "hey dad, don't worry, I'll get you a car jack later". He looked me dead in the eye and said, "John, why the hell would I want my car jacked?"

Her dad said if you hold a bee in one hand what do you have in your eye?

Beauty, since beauty is in the eye of the bee holder

Dad: "You know what they call basket holders?"

Me: "...What?"

Dad: "Basket cases!"

This was followed by him laughing hysterically while I stared in disbelief. He asked my to share it on this subreddit when I told him about it.

Driving to work this morning and a commercial with a phone ringing came on.

I swiftly grabbed the banana in the cup holder and said:

"Hello? Yea, She is right here!"

I handed the banana to my wife and she laughingly asked "Who is it?"

Stone cold serious I responded "Nana... Who else has this number?"

My uncle was visiting and he and my mom were talking about making plans to go to a baseball game.

Uncle: “So you guys are season ticket holders?”

Me: “Yep.”

My uncle turns to my mom: “So how many games is that?”

Before she could reply I quickly said “All of them”.

Beauty.

Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder.

Beauty.

Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder.

Because beauty is in the eye of the bee holder

Because beauty is in the eye of the bee holder