Hit & Miss Puns

because if I miss the nail, I hit my nail

He asks the barman about it and the barman explains, “If you can jump up and hit one, you’ll get a free drink, but if you miss, you have to buy everyone a round!”

The guy looks up and ponders for a minute then replies, “Nah, the steaks are too high.”

He asks the bartender, "Why is there a piece of steak hanging from the ceiling?

The bartender replies, "If somebody jumps and manages to hit the steak, all drinks will be free for the entire night. However, if somebody tries and misses, they will have to buy drinks for everybody else for the entire night. Would you like to try?"

The man thinks about it and replies, "No thanks, the stakes are too high."

It’s hit or miss.

It's hit or miss.

A man swings his club and fails to hit the ball.

Man: God damnit, I missed.

A nun shakes her head in disapproval. The man swings again and misses yet again

Man: Damnit, I missed again!

Nun: Sir, if you keep on swearing like that, you're gonna go to hell.

The man then laughs and dismisses the nun's comment. He makes one more attempt at hitting the ball, but to no avail.

Man: God fucking damnit!

The sky then goes dark, a lightning bolt strikes the nun, and you can hear a thundery voice say, "God damnit, I missed."

The experience has always been hit-or-miss for me.

...but it's hit or miss.

It’s really hit or miss

It has really been hit or miss

I looked at the family colander, but it was hit or miss.

They see a deer, so the physicist takes a shot and misses 3 feet to the left. The mathematician takes a shot and misses 3 feet to the right. The statistician puts his gun down, and yells “good job guys! We hit!”. (Technically a joke from my professor, but it felt very fitting here).

which is great because usually baseball bat jokes are hit or miss

She says "oh yes I knew about it."

I say "Good, I wanted to make sure you didn't miss it"

"No we, didn't miss it"

"well clearly, you hit it pretty hard!"

They found all the parts that they needed on online, and we're ready to order. Right before Abraham hit the Checkout button, Isaac reviewed the contents of the order:

Isaac: "Dad, you're missing the memory."

Abraham: "God will provide the RAM."

Friend: "I know exactly where the last hit is! Its..."

Me: "Wait whats the stuff in COD you can throw and it blows up?"

Friend: "C4?" Me: "Miss"

My youngest daughter hates wearing shoes to the point where I hardly ever see them on her. As a result she often loses them. A few weekends ago my girlfriend dropped me and the kids off at the local outdoor pool so we could get some energy out before a long drive to see family. As expected my youngest barely made it out of the parking lot with her shoes on, and as soon as we hit the grass by the pool she kicked them off and we all ran into the water to play and stuff.

I looked up at that big incomprehensible clock they have at swimming pools and saw that we were running late for that long drive, so we fled the pool rushed around getting dressed, only to discover one ... one of her shoes was missing. I was like ... how the hell do you lose one shoe? So we looked all around, then we went to the lost and found. Strangely there were several other single shoes in the lost and found but not hers. We went back and I called her mom to see if we could swing by and grab a spare pair of shoes.

Some kid next to us overheard me on the phone and said, "Hey did you lose a shoe?" I said, " ... yeah ...?" He said, "Yeah I found it over here -- " pointing like 10 feet away -- " so I took it to the cashier's office." (not the lost and found). My oldest daughter, always helpful, ran to the cashier's office and got the shoe, and all was well! We were only about 20 minutes late. Afterwards I was pondering what I could have done to avoid all that and then it hit me. I just needed to make sure that after my kids take off their shoes they are all in one place.

In other words I had just failed to put shoe and shoe together.

I'll swing a hammer to hit a nail and if I miss and hit my thumb ill yell "owwww!!!" And without a second passing dad will say " well son that's the wrong nail you hit"

Half of my coworkers had new drivers installed to fix a image view problem. I am still waiting. Co-worker "I hit the new driver" Me "I want a new driver, just call me Miss Daisy"

Last night my fiance went out to sit in chair to smoke. It was dark, so she felt her way to the handle, turned and sat down. The chair was on the other side of her, so she fell.

The next time she went out, she found the post-it note I put on the chair (she used a flashlight this time) that said:

"I noticed you missed me, so I just wanted to say 'hi' "

I got hit upside the head for this one.

In the car this morning, I almost hit a cardinal when it flew out in front of my sedan. I let out a breath because it got close, and I made a comment about how much I hate it when birds do that.

Without missing a beat, my husband nodded and said, "Yeah, birds do that all the time around here. Still haven't seen a chicken cross the road though."

I would have facepalmed if I hadn't been driving. He's ready for fatherhood...

Golfing with my dad, hit a nice shot that rolls just by the hole.

Me: Missed that one by a hair!

Dad: I don't see any rabbits out here.

He thinks he's hilarious. Follows it up by showing me a birthday card he received earlier that day which was his "inspiration" The card shows a gray rabbit on the front, inside it says: another year, another gray hare.

Killin me

It’s hit or miss

are hit or miss.

Honestly it’s hit or miss.