A boy is shoving candy into his face when his mom yells at him to stop.

"Don't eat so much candy all at once!"

"Why?" the boy replied.

"If you eat too much candy, you're stomach will get bigger, and bigger, and it will eventually explode!"

The boy is shocked by this image an immediately stops eating candy. The next day, the boy and mom go to church together, and the boy sits down next to a very visibly pregnant woman. The boy looks at her stomach, then up to her face, and says, "I know what you've been doing."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/winklesnad31
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
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Little Johnny has diarrhoea and asks his mom, "Hey mom, do you have Viagra?" The mom goes, "What? What on Earth do you need that for?" "Well, isn't that what you give dad when his shit doesn't get hard?"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/M_Arslan_Tahir
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
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A guy’s Mom comes to visit him at his job at the aquarium where she finds him feeding a baby dolphin. She says look at you, you were smart. You could have had a real job, really done some good for the world. Her son snapped back,...

Hey, my job serves a youthful porpoise!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ProjectOcoee
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
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Mom told son to clean his room. But instead, he set it on fire...

It was a hot mess

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Talon184
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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Mom said she'd throw her son from a cliff if he didn't eat his vegetables ...

... but it was a bluff!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SwooopingIsBad
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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My son was crying because his mom took his Xbox...

... so I had to console him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joe-manzon
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
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hi mom
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_i_suck_at_this_
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
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My friend said he wanted to bang his mom and kill his dad.

I told him that was some freudulent thinking.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
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What does a piglet call his mom’s brother?

Oinkle

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thatsquack
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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What does a Turkish kid say to his mom when he needs to do chores in the summer:

I dont’t wanna do it, it’s sho warm ma!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joepeR2086
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
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A mom angrily told her 4 year old son to say counting if he wanted to get his lunch. So the boy started... 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 9 10...

I don't think he need that lunch anymore. He already 8

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stent_kush
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
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What did Baby Corn say to his mom?

Where’s pop corn?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ewilsey
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
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My Mom said my Dad can be a little feminine at time with his feelings.

My Dad responded that he was trying to be trans-parent.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fartingpinetree
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
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My mom teased my dad, he didn't get a sandwhich after his reply.

My mom teased my dad by calling him gay. This is how my Dad retaliated.

Dad: your ex boyfriend was hot .

Mom: which one?

Dad: Me

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IAEInferno
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2017
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When I was 10 my Mom told me to take my brother to a movie so she could set up for his surprise birthday party.

That was when I realized he was her favorite twin, not me.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
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Today my mom turns 53, and it's tradition that my dad fills the kitchen with posters before she wakes up, wishing her a happy birthday. This year's were some of his worst (best) work.

http://imgur.com/a/1qKYz

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hhjrxymos
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2015
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My brother visited the cemetery today to see our mom. He walked up to her grave stone, closed his eyes and with a tear running down his cheek, said

Look who’s grounded now, mom.

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sioswing
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
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My son got into his mom's supply of pads and stuck them to the wall.

I called it a period piece.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joey_the_Duck
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
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I use the "Hi Hungry, I'm Mom" joke so often...

My 4 year old son started telling me he wants to eat by saying "I'm hungry but I'm not called that, I just want some food."

πŸ‘︎ 200
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πŸ‘€︎ u/poptart88
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2014
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What did the yoga instructor say to his Mom she tried to leave?

Nah Ma, stay.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrtestcat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
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Mom: I hear that John's business is doing a lot better. How did he manage to get enough people to slow down on that stretch of highway to even notice his store? Dad: Oh, he followed my advice and put up a billboard.

"Nude Colony Ahead, Keep Your Eyes on the Road!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
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A boy says to his mother, "Mom, why is it everyone in our family dies so young?"

"Mother?"

...

"Mother?"

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/atomantic
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
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Why couldn’t the ghost see his Mom and Dad? They were transparents!
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mole555
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
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Why did the dog not show his mom any affection?

He didn’t have his Licker license

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Glen_Davis0
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
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I asked Dad about his first date with mom, he said he took her to a sauna. Why?

He wanted it to be a hot date.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iiWizrius
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
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How does an Indian say bye to his mom

Mumbai

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arex189
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2018
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One boys asks his brother "what state is mom from?"

"I don't know, Alaska"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WillDRJ
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
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Son is talking to his mom and dad

son: I'm gay. mom: looks at dad. dad: I can't let this go bi.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JustANormalHumann
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
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What did the dog with 3 legs say to his mom?

I miss my pa

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MnStormyWeather
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
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Dad (to his son in the backseat, while mom is riding shotgun): "Hey, do you want to hear my impression of your mother?!?!"

Son: "What? Yes, totally!"

Dad (turns to look at mother tenderly): "I think she's a lovely and beautiful woman, a good wife to me, and a good mother to you."

Son: sigh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/matthattar
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
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Came up with a joke this weekend, not sure if it exists yet or not. Why did the duck rob his mom?

So he could buy some quack..

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/McFlopdick-
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
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My Mom has no problem talking about his recent the sex-change operation.

He's quite TransParent about it.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rebelyrocks
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
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Growing up, what was Usher's favourite food his mom made ?

Her peas

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/music_snobbbb
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
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Son got his mom over dinner preparation

Tonight at dinner, she looked at our 13 year old and said "We should make buns for Thanksgiving"

He paused for just a second, then responded "So, that would be mother-son bunding time?"

She sighed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/redneckrockuhtree
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2016
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One of my friends is dating a girl who looks just like his mom...

I think his Oedipus Complex is apparent.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeepSnot
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2018
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My 12 year old made his mom groan with this.... "Did you hear about the construction worker's job?"

Nevermind, I don't want to tell 30 stories.

πŸ‘︎ 230
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πŸ‘€︎ u/redneckrockuhtree
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2016
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What did the baby say to his mom after he was born?

It was real womby in there.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/QuietGiantWRX
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2018
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My mom went to see her 92 year old father at his assisted living home yesterday and she said to him, "You sure like to take naps don't you ?"

He said, "Well this is a rest home."

πŸ‘︎ 102
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πŸ‘€︎ u/frashrite
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2016
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My mom accidentally kneed my step-dad in his thigh.

She apologized when he told her she got him hard enough to leave a bruise and she, jokingly, asked if he would leave her over it.

He replied, "No. Because you kneed me..." and winked.

-_-

πŸ‘︎ 177
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2016
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