Halfway, Pleased Puns

We had a friend in town this weekend whose flight was this afternoon, so she was staying at the house for a while after my wife and I left for work. About halfway through my commute I was overtaken by a terrible sense of dread and panic that I forgotten to flush the toilet and our friend was going to come face to face with a semi-fresh dookie when she went to the restroom.

I was so mortified at this that I preemptively texted her to warn her and requested that she please, for both our sake's, flush the toilet prior to lifting the lid. We may never know whether I needed to send that text-- it was a real Schrodinger Scat situation.

This is sort of a TIFU, but I have no idea if I actually did and I'm not sure she would have the heart to tell me anyway.

I worked at a grocery store and handed out samples. One day I was tasked with sampling melons. One of which was a honey-do. Halfway into my shift an old man walks up with his wife and says

Oldman:"Mmm honey-do i'm used to my wife always sayin honey don't."

This was followed by a chuckle, and a less than pleased wife.