A list of puns related to "H E B Mexico"
Rowan Atkinson is travelling through mexico , decides to have lunch at a local restaurant. He orders a burrito . when full Rowan still has a little bit of food left on his plate , he takes his plate up to the waitress and says "that is the nicest burrito I've ever had, thank you" The waitress points at Tthe left over food and says " but you missed a bean"
So far for States I have: Catifornia North and South Catolina Oklahomeow Oregato Furorida Mew York, Jersey, Hampshire, Mexico Connectikitty
For cities I have: Mew York Kitty Felinedelphia San Digato Mewmphis Chigato San Furanciso Indianapawlis Clawmbus
Although, their Corona has better PR announcements than Mexico’s
Except in Mexico. There, they only burritos.
York, Jersey, Mexico, Brunswick, Hampshire, Guinea, South Wales...
The problem, however, is that there isn't enough light for the immigrants to find their way back to Mexico. Because of this, the Don institutes his "Early Light" plan in order to give the immigrants a way to see. One immigrant, Jose, is partially blind, so they are wondering if the "Early Light" program will still allow him to see. The ask him: Jose can you see by the Don's "Early Light."
My whole body sir. Only my teeth are from Mexico.
Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost. The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day. The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo.
One of them is adopted by a family in Egypt and is named Amal and the other is adopted by a family in Mexico and is named Juan.
Years later Juan contacts his mother and sends a picture of himself to her. The mother overwhelmed with happiness, tells her husband that she wishes she could also see Amal.
He responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan you've seen Amal."
Jersey Shore
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Best ocean to play sports in?
The Golf of Mexico
Once a magician from Mexico was performing. He said he will disappear at the count of three.. He started ,"un, dos,..."
He disappeared without a très
Today, Mexicans celebrate the torpedoing of the U.S.S. Hellmans in the Mexico City harbor.
*Original Content But Quite Possibly Not Unique
P.S. Yes, I know where Mexico City is.
I hear she's "big" in Mexico.
My dad said this last summer. We were in Mexico, and there was huge flocks of birds swarming above us that day. My stepmom was out on our little porch, reading fifty shades of grey. Suddenly she storms in all huffy and goes up to my dad who was in the kitchen.
Dad: What's up with you?
Stepmom: A fucking bird SHAT on my book! Look! (Sure enough, there was.)
My dad, without missing a beat: Well why are you complaining? Now you got an extra shade of grey!
When I was growing up I asked my dad what Cinco de Mayo was about. He said it was Mexico's version of the Boston Tea Party, where they threw mayo off a ship and people were yelling "sink-o de mayo!"
Me: Whats new?
Grandpa: hmm let me see.. New York.. New Mexico.. New Orleans.. And umm.. New Jersey, yeah that's pretty new.
Me: Groan
"It's a little known fact that the Titanic was not only transporting passengers, but was also carrying a large shipment of mayonnaise from Hellman's factories in England to consumers in Mexico. After the Titanic had made its trip to New York, the mayonnaise-- supposedly the largest single shipment of the stuff to ever be delivered to Mexico-- was going to be dropped off in the port city Vera Cruz. But unfortunately, when the ship sank, the Mexicans had lost all of the mayonnaise they had ordered. Extremely saddened by their loss and its economic consequences, the Mexicans declared a day that would go down in history as a holiday of remembrance and mourning. And every year on May the 5th they would celebrate...
"Sinko de Mayo."
hyuh hyuh hyuh hyuh hyuh
I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat
I went up to the airport information desk. I said "How many airports are there in the world?"
I hate fat girls who use the excuse "oh the camera adds 10lb" Well, stop eating cameras then.
At the check-in desk the girl said, ''Window seat or aisle?''
l said, ''Window seat or you'll what? Are you threatening me?''
She said, ''No, calm down. Window seat or aisle?''
l said, ''l'll have a seat.''
When you eat a lot of spicy food, you can lose your taste. When I was in Mexico last summer, I was listening to a lot of Michael Bolton.
A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said: "Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?" I said: "All right, but we won't get much done"
Did you know you're ten times more likely to get mugged in London than New York City? Thats because you don't live in New York City.
Swimming is good for you, especially if you're drowning. Not only do you get a cardiovascular workout but also you don't die.
British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray.
There are been a sharp increase in depression in Mexico since Trump got into office on the platform of building a wall between the two countries.
Leading mental health experts have said that sadly many Mexicans will never get over it.
Dad said "I heard lately Mexico really rocks hard"
I was explaining how I shipped a laptop from mexico to the US through customs without having to pay a duty.
You mean you didn't have to pay shit!
since I am a dad... I thought it was funny. Everyone else groaned...
My SO and I were wondering what the plural of tortoise was.
"Is it tortoises or tortae?" we asked, walking.
"We're in Mexico, it's tortilla."
The game is being played in Mexico City, the American National Anthem has just been sung, and another singer comes out to sing the Mexican National Anthem...
My dad: "this must be José Can You See?"
She was talking about how the words for animal sounds are different in Spanish (roosters go kikikuriki, etc.) and a student asked of the animals sound different in Mexico and without missing a beat the professor just replied: "Yeah! They speak Spanish!"
Some of her/our friends came along too. One friend had an exchange student from Mexico with them.
The girl I'm interested in's dad, and the exchange student meet and introduce themselves, then it goes...
Her dad: "So what part of Mexico are you from?"
Student: "My family and I live in Monterrey."
Dad: "Oh wonderful! And what kind of drugs does your family sell?"
-Awkward pause, his daughter appalled, face in palms, completely embarrassed-
Dad: "Hahahah, I'm just kidding, welcome aboard!"
This is pretty much how the whole day went on the river, joke after joke, story after story, and his daughter was completely embarrassed. So great.
One day at a US immigration office, a man walked in seeking citizenship. The desk clerk began the usual questioning: "name, occupation, country of origin"? The man replied, " Juan Martinez, illusionist, Mexico".
During the process Juan made small talk and displayed his talent as an illusionist. The clerk found him to be a charming, funny, and charismatic man, which put the normally grouchy clerk in a great mood!
The clerk was so enamored by Juan, he let him skip the formalities and allowed him straight into the US.
After Juan left, a coworker asked the clerk why he would allow a man to just walk in to the US. To which the clerk responded...
"For once in my long career working in immigration, I was truly amazed and entertained by a potential citizen, so I decided to waive a magic Juan"!
This was quite a while ago, I was probably in middle school (currently 26). My family took a quick day trip to Universal Studios Hollywood since we live in the greater LA area. Now to set the scene, my dad is a native of Mexico but has lived here since his late teens so his English is pretty good with a tinge of an accent since Spanish is his primary language. We park in the parking garage on property and we do the usual "make a mental note of where we parked for later". That's when I see a smirk come across his face as he turns to me laughing under his breath.
-"What's so funny?"
-"Notice where we parked?"
-"Yeah. Jurassic Park lot, 3B"
Cue dad
-"Jurassic Park..." half expecting me to laugh. He continues "Jurassic Park... Jurr-Ass-is-Parked"
facepalm
As terrible as it was at the time, I've tried to pull this joke out with friends years later, eye rolls and crickets. Thanks dad.
Me: "Hey dad why don't we order some food from that new Mexican place?"
Dad: ^In ^a ^serious, ^angry ^tone "Why, it'll take FOREVER!"
Me: ^Rather ^pissed ^off "What the hell do you mean, they're right down the street?"
Dad: "But you said it was in New Mexico!" ^Breaks ^out ^into ^laughter.
Me: Dad, I think he's an alien.
Dad: But he isn't from Mexico.
I'm on study abroad in Mexico right now, staying with a host family. Last weekend I went to the beach, and when I got home I was talking to my "dad" about it. He asked if there was a lot of people there, and I told him that no, it wasn't very busy. Then he commented that during Semana Santa (basically spring vacation) the only place to stay is "hotel camarena."
I looked at him confusedly, and he clarified.
"You know, hotel 'cama(bed) arena(sand)'."
(Meaning the only place to stay is on the beach, because the hotels are all full.)
This isn't the first dad joke I've gotten from him, hopefully I can remember more to post in the future.
Somehow my husband brought up Bowflex.
He then turns to me and says: "Ya think when they released the machine in Mexico they called it 'ElBowflex'"?
I'm on vacation with my family out west (from Michigan) and were passing through New Mexico and I decide to pass the time on my phone but I look at my reception and I'm getting 0-2 bars so I say outloud "The cell reception is a little rocky out here!"
The groans/chuckles were amazing!
Edit: I'm not a dad.
Colby "Have you seen Mexico's weather lately? It's crazy!"
Me "No what is it?"
Colby "Chili today, hot tomale"
Me: Ugh, it's getting hot in here!
Mom: It's not hot in here, it's just all that manual labor!
Dad: Manual labor? Ah, the most famous man in Mexico!
Mom & I: reluctantly giggling
One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Mexico, they name him Juan". Year's later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York . This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. The Mexican people loved Mayonnaise so much and this loss was so devastating that the Mexican people declared a National day of Mourning which happens every year on the day the shipment was supposed to arrive. This day of course is May 5th or more commonly known as Sinko de Mayo.
In fact, back in 1912 the Titanic was loaded with 1000 cases of mayonnaise that were to be delivered to Mexico after the ship briefly stopped in New York. But as we all know, the ship hit an iceberg and sank. The Mexican people were so sad they created a special day to honor the event. Sinko de Mayo.
Me: Hey Grandpa, what's new?
Grandpa: New York, New Jersey, New Hampshire, New Mexico
Most people didn’t know that back in 1912, Hellmann’s mayonnaise was manufactured in England.
In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.
This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico … but as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York . The ship hit an iceberg and sank.
The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning.
The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as …Sinko De Mayo.
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